Page 8 of No Other Love

And I felt that pang again. That pang ofsaving lives.Making a difference. And getting a star reputation while doing it. Feeding my God Complex. ‘That’s…thank you for the offer, sir.’

‘Think about it,’ he suggested. Then he winked. ‘I’m sure someone else will be happy to see your face around here.’

My smile faded at his suggestive words. I made my excuses and left the man to his rounds.

***

I thumbed my phone open. And stared at the message I’d drafted but not hit send on. I wasn’t sure she’d blocked me and maybe part of me didn’t want to know if she had …

But…

Hey. How are you holding up? Are you the star pediatrics surgeon already? (Winky face) I know it’s been a few months, but I am coming to the hospital this afternoon. And I was wondering if we could talk? I have something important to tell you.

The words were bland. Unthreatening. Unemotional. It was something I’d write to a friend. With a few curses andyaars (Hindi for dudes)thrown in for added color.

It felt like the worst kind of insult to the most vibrant woman I’d ever met. I mean, just one emoji was blasphemy to Ani. I scrolled over our chat thread and found it full of emojis and exclamation marks. My responses were limited to smileys and full sentences with proper punctuation. We were such polar opposites, no wonder it didn’t work out between us.

I almost pressed send to the message. But my thumb hovered at the last second.

Did I really want to announce my presence in her life with a winky face emoji? Was that the right thing to do?

I sighed internally.

‘Vik!’ Dr. Anu exclaimed as she saw me. She hurried toward me, her shoes squeaking on the tiled floor. ‘I did not think you were coming today when you said you were thinking of coming.’

Oh yeah, I’d just casually DM’d Anu, Anika’s work bestie to find out her schedule this week, so I could low-key meet her. I could not go back to that apartment I’d called home for the best years of my life. Until it turned into the worst time ever.

‘Yeah, I had a free weekend, so I thought I’d drive up.’ It was kind of the truth.

‘Everyone misses you. I told them you were coming, and they want to meet you. Do you want to talk to Anika first?’

I opened my mouth to say yes. Yes. I was here to see Anika. Only Anika.

Then I recalled the scorn and bleak despair in her eyes the very last time I’d seen my wife. And my heart wore itself out again on a love that was not meant to be. I shook my head. ‘No, no. I’d love to catch up with everyone. Anika’s probably busy anyway.’

‘Yeah, she does have her post-op rounds scheduled for now,’ Anu murmured.

‘There you go.’ I waved at her. ‘I’ll talk to Anika when she’s free.’

Liar,my heart mocked.You wish to never talk to her because it’s all you wish for, don’t you, you idiot?

I followed Anu into the elevator, and we sped up toward the cafeteria. While Anu texted everyone and I could put off my moment of reckoning and longing for a little longer.

Four

Anika

I forced myself to finish updating the charts on the NICU patients before I went to the cafeteria.

I detoured to the doctor’s bathroom first, a fancy affair – with a Game of Thrones-style chair and essential oil diffusers and glass tiles. It was the product of a former paeds surgeon donating generously to the department and the administration finally heeding the staff’s demands of having a proper lounge.

I was a mess, I acknowledged.

The dark circles under my eyes were ever more pronounced, my roots were showing and the tee shirt under the scrub top was torn in the arm hole. Still, I straightened my ponytail, reapplied light eyeliner and lipstick and squared my shoulders.

‘Tits up, Ani,’ I told my reflection. ‘Obviously, he’s not here for you.’

But I wish he was…