Page 34 of Coerced Kiss
“Another prospective tenant?” I ask when she hangs up, putting the teabags back in the box.
“A rental agent.” She blows out a breath. “The area is becoming more and more popular. With the easy access to the river and the High Line, it’s increasingly sought after.”
Fresh guilt assaults me. “I’ll be out of your hair soon. When my employment becomes permanent, I’ll be able to get my own place.”
She leans forward and squeezes my hand. “You shouldn’t worry about that. I told you you’re welcome to stay for as long as you like.”
“You’re losing out on good money by not renting out the apartment.”
She clicks her tongue and waves her hand with an elegant flair. “My pension is enough to live on. This fancy building I inherited from my father is just a bonus.”
“Still, your father wanted you to live comfortably. I don’t want to take away the money he intended you to have.”
“My darling child.” She stretches a long, sinewy arm draped with gold bangles over the table and cups my cheek. “Life dealt you a bad hand. The scholarship didn’t work out because you had other priorities. You did the responsible thing, choosing to take care of your mother instead. Now, she’s in good hands. It’s time you put yourself first. Go study if that’s what you want. Get yourself the job you deserve.”
“It’s too late for that,” I say, biting my lip.
She pulls away and says with vehemence, “It’s never too late.”
In my case, it is, but I can’t find it in my heart to tell her I’m pregnant, that I screwed up in a moment of weakness. I won’t be able to bear her disappointment. All I manage is a meek shake of my head.
“I always knew you were special.” Her wrinkled face softens with compassion. “I knew it from the moment you walked into my first-grade class, not even five years old, and blurted out the answers to the calculations I’d written on the blackboard.” A coquettish smile curves her lips. “And those were meant for the twelve-grade students.”
The ones she gave extra lessons. That’s how she met Mr. Lewis. She helped his son from flunking math to passing with flying colors. The distinction allowed him to get into one of the best universities. That’s how Mr. Lewis ended up owing her a favor, and the favor turned out to be me.
I’m so damn tired of being a charity case.
“You can do it,” she says with an assertive nod. “You were meant for great things, Anya.”
I want to scoff at that. I barely pulled myself out of the gutter. If it weren’t for Livy, I’d still be in that terrible place of humiliation and desperation. She brought sandwiches to schoolbecause she knew I was starving. When I was old enough to work, she arranged casual jobs during school vacations.
“Never doubt yourself,” she says when I don’t reply.
“It’s not that.” I pull my tea closer, my ribcage squeezing as I consider being honest with her. At some point, I have to tell her. She’s going to notice when I start showing.
“Then what is it?” she asks, dipping her chin to search my face.
Pressure builds behind my eyes, unwelcome tears pricking at the back as the words push their way to my tongue.
Just as I open my mouth to admit the truth, she says, “How silly of me. Yes, of course. You met a man.” Her azure blue eyes sparkle. “You fell in love.” Taking my hand in both of hers, she continues, “That’s a wonderful thing, my dear child, maybe the most important thing in life. Don’t throw a chance at happiness away for the sake of money. Always follow your passion.” She lets me go and taps her chest. “Follow your heart, and everything else will fall into place. You can get married and have a family as well as a career. These days, there are many solutions and options for women who want both.”
I want to tell her how wrong she is, but I can’t do that without risking her life. Instead, I give her a weak smile before picking up my mug and hiding my face behind it. If she knew the extent of the trouble I’m in, she’d not only be disappointed but she’d also never look at me with the same pride and approval again.
When Livy starts asking questions about how Saverio and I met, I excuse myself, saying I have to be up early for work, which isn’t a lie.
Back in my own apartment, I let the façade drop. The talk with Livy served as a stark reminder of everything that’s wrong in my life. There are too many things I can’t fix, serious things with life-altering consequences. For once, I long for my mom,wishing she could just be that to me—a mother who loves her child unconditionally, no matter how badly I messed up.
Making an impulsive decision, I call to speak to my mom, but the nurse says she’s already asleep. The brand-new phone in my hand mocks me when I end the call. I can’t forget who gave it to me or why. If I had money, I would’ve thrown it through the window. As it is, I don’t know how I’m going to make ends meet until my next paycheck arrives.
Between my mom’s housing and medical bills, there’s not enough money to cover our expenses. My bank account is in overdraft, and my credit card is in the red.
The nagging worry that’s forever at the forefront of my mind ties my stomach into knots. How will I be able to support a child if I can’t even support myself? I settle on the sofa with my dinosaur laptop and work on my budget spreadsheet, removing every cost I can, but I only end up doing myself short while still having a negative balance. My financial situation isn’t going to improve until my probation period is over and the increase that will come with my permanent position kicks in.
With that thought, fear sets in. Now that they know I’m pregnant, I’m scared about what will happen tomorrow. If Ms. Price spills the beans, they may decide to terminate my employment because I lied in my application. They may demand a doctor’s letter stating how far along I am, and then the numbers will speak for themselves. I’m three months pregnant, but I only signed the contract a month ago.
Shutting the laptop with a sigh, I rub a hand over my belly.
“Don’t worry, Baby. I’m going to take good care of you.”