Page 85 of Ink & Desire
“No. I’m not mad at you,” I say. “I just worry about you.”
“What’s new?” She says with a small laugh.
I smile, but I can’t quite find it in me to laugh. “You know I always will, right?”
“I know. But I’ll be okay. You can’t hide the bad things from me forever.”
The way she says it makes me wonder if she knows more about those years than I tried to let her see. But I’m too much of a coward to ask. Besides, now isn’t the time for that conversation. I glance back over to where Avery is still sitting at the table where I left her, waiting for me to finish my phone call. I feel a hint of the bright, sunny feeling from before, but it’s muted now.
“I gotta go, Henley,” I say. “I’ll call you later, okay?”
“I love you, you know.”
“I know,” I say. “Love you, too.”
I end the call and take a deep breath trying to push aside the dark feelings threatening to swamp me. I know I can’t stand here forever, trying to remember how not to be angry. Avery will wonder what the hell I’m doing. The last thing I want to do is explain to her that my mother is a druggie whose addiction ruined my childhood. I spentmy teens and 20s angry at her. Until I grew up and realized that addiction isn’t as simple as that. It would be easier if I could blame my mother for her addiction. But that’s not how it works. Not that I can tell that to my anger. It’s still there, simmering under the surface, looking for a target.
I take a second to stretch my neck, rolling my head from side to side, trying to ease the building tension there. I tell myself there’s nothing I can do about my mother right now. Henley is going to see her if she wants to. And whatever happens is out of my control. It’s the truth, but it does nothing to alleviate my growing dread. Finally, I give up and decide to try and salvage the rest of the morning with Avery. If anyone can chase away the darkness in me, it’s her.
Chapter 33
Avery
When Corbin returns to the table, I can tell there’s something off about him. I’m not sure what that phone call with Henley was about, but it’s clear that something happened to upset him. Maybe they had an argument. Siblings argue, right? Not that I’d know. But I love Cass like a sister, and we’ve had our share of disagreements. Whatever happened during that call, it changed Corbin’s entire demeanor. I can tell he’s trying to hide his bad mood, but I’ve becomeso attuned to his moods that he’s not hiding it well.
I want to ask him what’s wrong, but knowing Corbin he doesn’t want to talk about it. If we were dating, I know I’d ask him about it. I’d get him to talk to me about it and I’d try to help him work through whatever was bothering him. If we were dating, he’d probably tell me without shutting down. But we’re not dating. We’re not even friends-with-benefits. Not really. That would mean we’re friends, and I don’t think what we have qualifies for the title of friendship.
Though he did invite me to stay over last night. And he brought me to breakfast this morning. Whatever this thing is, it’s about more than just sex now. At least, that’s how today felt before his sister called. I’d been gearing up to ask him what all this means, but now I don’t think it’s such a good idea.
“Everything okay?” I ask, unable to help myself.
He nods. “It’s fine.”
Okay, so I was right. Something about that call with Henley upset him. But he’s not volunteering anything. I could let it go. I should let it go. But I liked the way he’d been before that phone call. It felt like we were moving toward something more, and I don’t want that to go away just because of a fight with his sister. So, I do the thing I know I probably shouldn’t.
“Are you sure? You seem upset.”
“I’m fine, Avery,” he says, a hint of frustration in his tone.
“Did you and Henley argue?” I ask, smiling. “I’m sure it’ll blow over. Siblings argue all the time, right?”
His dark eyes flash with anger. “Can you just drop it? My family is none of your business.”
He didn’t raise his voice, but the anger in his words stings as if he’d slapped me. My breath catches in my throat, and I feel my face heat with embarrassment and shame. I glance around at neighboring tables, half-expecting to see pitying glances thrown my way. Fortunately, they all seem to be involved in their own little worlds, oblivious to me as I sit here wishing a giant hole would swallow me.
“Sure,” I say, my voice little more than a whisper. “Sorry.”
“Fuck,” Corbin whispers, scrubbing a hand over his face.
He almost looks as if he wants to call back the words. I wait for him to say something, to apologize or to explain his behavior, but he does neither. He just sits there while I pick at the rest of my food, my appetite long gone.
“If you don’t mind, I think I’ll head home,” I say, forcing a smile I don’t feel. “I have a million things I need to do before work tomorrow.”
I wish he’d ask me to stay. I wish he’d apologize and tell me he didn’t mean to snap at me; that it’s not my fault he’s in a shitty mood. I wish a million things it seems I’ll never have when it comes to this man. A muscle ticks in his jaw and I wonder if maybe he’s going to say the words I want to hear. But he just nods.
“Yeah,” he says finally. “Me, too.”
My disappointment hits me like a punch in the gut, but I just nod.