Page 66 of Extraction Play
“Look, I’m relieved you let someone in. Coming from a reformed ‘carry the burden until I die’ guy. If anyone’sgoing to get it, I would.”
Pixie swallowed hard, her eyes stinging. “It’s not like I don’t trust you guys.”
“Sometimes digging up the past hurts too much,” he said. She snuck a glance his way, but his focus remained on the road. “I spent a long time running. Only Meg and Tristan knew what was going on with me after my mom passed, and I wanted it that way.”
Pixie remembered that. She and Parker were close, but she’d never been able to get him to open up fully.
Maybe because she refused to crack herself open in turn.
“I should’ve at least told Micah,” Pixie said. “He’s always seemed to know when I was off, but he respected my space and didn’t push.”
“He’s intuitive as hell, but you are aware this is going to hurt him. He let you in, and he doesn’t offer that gift to many.”
Pixie’s throat tightened. Parker was right. She and Micah had been closer back in college before he moved home, but ever since he left and returned, she’d waited for the shoe to drop again. For him to either leave her in the dust or move again.
Because that was what she’d gotten used to over and over.
“The situation with my mom…is complicated,” Pixie said.
“My father pretty much wanted to die after my mom did,” Parker responded bluntly. “Some days, I wondered if it would be easier if he did.”
Those words made Pixie’s mind quiet. They were ones she’d entertained herself. Ones she’d hated herself for, couldn’t breathe into the air. That level of selfishness made her burn up inside with self-loathing, and she’d never been able to reconcile the truth. Even in therapy, she tended to cling to saccharine, textbook responses that frustrated her therapist to no end.
“The world is full of complicated situations, Pix,” Parker said, his voice gentle. “You’d be surprised at who might understand. Butshutting yourself off from everyone, not letting them in, is only going to hurt you in the long run. I’m here if you need me in whatever capacity. However, if you’ve been avoiding telling Micah because you think he’ll judge you, you’re shortchanging your best friend.”
Her chest squeezed tight. Fuck, Parker was right.
It wasn’t about Micah judging her though. She’d been judging herself. For not being stronger, for not being able to move on from her past.
But once she’d broken the seal with Eva, the idea of sharing her past with others wasn’t the insurmountable wall she’d believed, and if there was anyone else she wanted to let in, it was Micah. If he could forgive her for falling for Eva.
“I have no idea what I’m walking into here,” Pixie said, staring at the highway before them. Familiar signs flashed into view, meaning they closed in on their destination—except instead of her mother’s house, she’d be visiting her in the hospital. The what-ifs buzzed so loud she might drown. What if the accident was fatal? What if her mother was incapacitated? The idea of having to care for her again after finally claiming more of a life for herself had her skin buzzing, her vision fuzzing over.
“We’ll find out when we get there. And you tell me where you want me. In with you, hanging out in the background, whatever.”
“Waiting room,” Pixie said, her palms prickling with sweat. “If she’s awake and aware in a manic state, having more people in the room won’t be helpful. She gets paranoid.”
“I’m guessing you had a pretty rough upbringing,” Parker said as he followed the GPS, taking the exit for Novato Community Hospital.
“Let’s just say there’s a reason I struggle to let everyone in.”
However, she wanted Eva with her now. Not only that, but she also believed Eva would show up, which was brand new. The realization filtered in her veins like hot chocolate on a winter’s night.
“It’ll get easier with practice,” he said.
They both trailed off into quiet as the white towers of Novato Community Hospital rose into view. Pixie’s mouth dried. Whatever she walked into was something she’d have to handle. Which was what she’d been doing her whole life, whether it broke her or not.
Except this time, she wasn’t alone.
She had a friend by her side. She had Eva as a safe place to fall apart.
That in and of itself made her want to weep.
The last thing she’d expected to feel upon reaching the hospital was relief, but after so many years of shouldering emergencies by her lonesome, having people in her corner—fuck, it was everything.
Parker pulled into a spot, and Pixie’s fingers trembled. The doctors had sounded serious, but when hadn’t they? This wasn’t the first time she’d met her mother in an ICU or psych ward of a hospital. However, this was the first time in a while. When Pixie started college, her mother had turned a corner with her mental health, and the emergencies had become less and less over the years.
Her mind blanked as the worries melted away to reality. She would enter the hospital, assess the situation, and deal with whatever new curveball life threw at her.