Page 71 of Of Flame and Fate
“I’m ready if you are,” he adds when I stand there, torn between keeling over and running for my life.
My heart speeds up, and of course, it’s not with joy. Holy shit seems more like the appropriate response. “You’re not asking me to marry you.” Hey, that’s where I thought we were going with here, and damn it all, that was bad enough.
His eyebrows arch ever so slightly. “I would, but you’ve made it clear you’re not the marriage type. Your words, not mine,” he reminds me.
“You’re being serious. About this whole kid thing?” I ask. “What about everything you said about none of us making it. About the world going ka-boom and every one of us blowing up like bits of shrapnel.” I point at him. “And what about my vision? The one I told you about with the tiger skull.” I don’t want to think about what I saw, or how certain I am it belongs to the one tigress I know. I didn’t even want to tell him about it, but I did, hoping it would help.
“Your visions give you a warning of what could come. They’re not always accurate nor are they as strong as Destiny’s.”
“That didn’t make what I saw any less real,” I argue. “Remember all those other visions I had? They were dead on.”
“You mean like the one of Celia and Aric holding their son? Yes, I remember the details Aric shared. You gave him and Celia hope, along with the drive to keep fighting.”
“I meant the other ones, the not so hopeful ones with demons swarming me. It happened, Gemini. They found me and there was a great deal of swarming.”
“But they didn’t take you,” he reminds me. “You fought through the attack and were spared because you were forewarned. This vision is another warning to be more vigilant so Celia stays safe.”
“Did you tell Aric?” I make a face when he shoots me a “What do you think?” look. “No wonder he’s so angry.”
“We’re all on edge because of it. But where Destiny foresees what should come, your premonitions serve to advise us. We’ll take them, and use them to help her.”
I tap my fingers against his chest. “So even with the skulls and all this crap we’ve been through over the course of a week, not to mention how stressed you are over us dying a miserable death, you want to talk babies.”
“It’s because of what’s happed that I’m thinking long-term,” he says. He falls back onto the bed, pulling me on top of him. “There has to be more than the darkness we’re seeing. Take Fate existing with Destiny. It shouldn’t be, but it is. The impossible becoming possible, making me think perhaps we will survive it all.”
My hand smooths across the fabric of his shirt and my long hair drapes against his shoulder as my legs fall on either side of him in a straddle. “Are you trying to keep me out of trouble by knocking me up?” I ask. I tilt my head in the direction of the door. “You see how well it’s working out for Celia. Being confined is driving her insane, whether it’s to her benefit or not.”
He lifts my hand, playing with it as he watches me closely. By the window, a flock of birds sing, their happy twittering suggesting they’re pleased the mountain didn’t crack in half. “That’s part of it. But not the main reason,” he adds quickly when I try to slip away. “Have you seen Aric and Celia, those moments where they’re not thinking about the troubles ahead? They’re happy, Taran, madly in love with the child that’s coming and more in love with each other than I thought possible.”
“They are,” I say. “But those happy moments are rare.”
“No, it only seems that way because the hard times are so pronounced.” He gathers me to him. “They don’t have the ideal life they deserve. But we’re fighting for the closest thing to it they can have.” He pauses. “I think I should remind you, as I often remind myself, this fight isn’t just for Aric and Celia. It extends to all of us,ourhappiness,ourfuture.”
“All right, say we get a chance at a real future,” I say, my mind wandering. “A small pocket of something special that allows us to have babies of our own.” I lift my chin to better see him. “There’s nothing to stop that pocket from being ripped away.”
“No, there’s not,” he agrees. “But with that mentality, man andwerewould have given up long before now.”
He’s right. That doesn’t mean I’m ready to concede.
In the seconds that pass, I allow the steady beat of his heart against my ear to soothe me. “You analyze things constantly,” I tell him. “Trying to find reason and logic even when everything is going to hell.”
His knuckles dance along my lower back. “That’s right.”
“But although you’re using reasoning to persuade me to make puppies with you, saying all the violence and scary obstacles we’ve faced aren’t enough to give up, that’s not why you want them.” I smile when he stiffens, regardless of my nervousness. “What’s going on?”
“It just feels right, Taran. Every time I’m with you, every time we make love, I want to take that next step with you.” He considers his words. “I want us to have a family and grow old together, it’s why I fight as hard as I do. I want this for all of us.”
When I say nothing more he asks, “Do you want it?”
It’s not something we’ve discussed much, mostly because I’ve raced away with my arms flailing every time he’s brought up the subject of family. But Celia’s pregnancy has affected me in ways I wasn’t prepared for.
“I don’t know,” I confess. “I’ve never pictured myself as a mother. More like the ‘fun aunt’ the one who’ll give them candy, let them stay up past midnight, take them shopping even when their closets are busting with toys and clothes.”
He inhales deep, scenting my growing unease. “Seeing how you were raised, and how painful your childhood was, I understand why you’d choose being an aunt over a mother.”
“I always believed it’s safer to be an aunt,” I admit. “Then you never have to worry what will happen to your children if you’re gone.” My arm curls round him, seeking the comfort I need when the hurt from my past tugs at my insides. And as easily as that, his warmth and his presence encase me with love. I press a kiss to his chest. “But then you came along.”
“And?” he asks.