Page 66 of The Blood Orchid
Why can’t I move any closer?I thought, my fingers trembling, coldness spreading fast through my whole body, starting at my stomach, where it felt like I’d swallowed a ball of ice.
I dropped my gaze down, following the lean line of the guard’s spear, which had plunged straight into my stomach.
White-hot pain swelled just beneath my rib cage, and when the guard yanked his spear back out, it felt like he’d sheared my soul to pieces.
My ears rang as I crashed to the dirt, distantly aware that a river of blood was spouting from my stomach, far too much of it to be safe, to be survivable. I had seen death many times, and I wasn’t foolish enough to think this kind of wound could be healed.
Zheng Sili was shouting something, but I couldn’t make sense of his words, my mouth welling with blood, choking me. I forced myself onto my side and it spilled hot and fast from my lips.
I’m not ready yet, I thought, helpless to stop the tears stinging my eyes.I was supposed to save everyone.
I imagined the way they would write about me, if they even cared.
The Scarlet Alchemist, who caused the death of all the royal alchemists and the last heir to the House of Li, then died on the street in a desert city. She didn’t die protecting someone, or fighting for something important, but because she lashed out like a child, because she was never a royal alchemist, not really. Royal alchemists were cunning and wise and earned their place in the palace, but she was just a little girl who got lucky, until the day she didn’t.
Being unique cannot make up for skill, or education, or talent, theEmpress had once said to me, as I’d knelt before her in a courtyard full of blood that had become my namesake. All of this time I’d lived beyond my death was stolen from other people, and finally, it had run out.
With a heavy thump, the world trembled, and the soldier lay on the ground in front of me, his face shattered in. It reminded me of the stand-in corpses the Moon Alchemist had used to fake the death of Hong’s little sisters. Who had the bodies belonged to again? Were the real princesses all right?
Then warm hands were forcing me onto my back again, and Zheng Sili was above me, his stern face blocking out the searing white of the sky, his expression unreadable.
He grabbed the torn fabric of my dress and ripped it farther. Without thinking, I reached out to shove his hands away, but he brushed them aside as easily as falling leaves, and my hands dropped to the dirt while he ripped my dress wider. The ground felt wet and hot beneath me, Zheng Sili’s hands now red gloves down to his sleeves.
How fitting for the Scarlet Alchemist to die covered in red, I thought, letting out a choked laugh. But the motion made my stomach clench, and I tossed my head back and gasped at the sudden surge of pain, my vision blurring.
There were the five gates of Chang’an, the yawning darkness. That was the first time I’d met death, and now it was reaching its hand out to me once more, welcoming me home. Was Yufei here? I tried focusing on her name, but the characters blurred together into a murky soup, a tarnished sky overhead eating my thoughts.
Coldness bloomed in my abdomen, burning ice and white light.
“What did youdo?”
That was Wenshu’s voice, and the panicked sound wasenough to pull me back to the bright sun overhead. Zheng Sili pulled his hands back and peered down at me.
“That will stop the bleeding,” he said, “but I can’t fix internal damage.”
“What do you mean youcan’t?” Wenshu said furiously. I caught a glimpse of the blue fabric of his robes, his white hands clutching Zheng Sili’s clothes. “You’re an alchemist, and you act like you’re a great one. Alchemists can do anything if they sacrifice enough, sofix her!”
The rest of their conversation faded away as I melted into the dirt. The world flipped, and I was once again kneeling at the Empress’s feet, collapsed against the gold tiles, my soul tag on the ground in front of me.Fan Zilan, Fan Zilan, Fan Zilan, I thought, clinging to the name like an anchor. But my name wouldn’t be enough to save me this time.
I choked down a breath, the sky spinning above me, and realized I was in Wenshu’s arms, his heartbeat so slow against my side, my own mockingly fast. I heard the sound of hoofbeats, then I tipped my head back just enough to catch a glimpse of Zheng Sili, eyes wide. I forced another burning breath down my throat, because if I was going to die, I would be damned if it happened in front of Zheng Sili.
He leaned forward and then someone was pulling me onto a horse, one arm braced across my chest to stop me from falling forward.
“Hold on, Zilan,” Wenshu whispered, the words warm against my throat. I couldn’t hold my head up anymore, and it rolled back against his shoulder. “I’m no alchemist,” he said, “but I’ll find a way to fix this.”
Chapter Thirteen
I am standing on the street in Zhongwei, my neck arched, looking up at the white sky. The morning is too cold for my thin robes, and the air tastes of metal, the horizon spinning with desert ghosts.
“It’s not my fault your stupid duck is so spoiled!” Zheng Sili says.
My gaze settles in front of me, where Zheng Sili has crossed his arms. A thin string—bright red—tethers his hand to Durian’s leg.
“He was so noisy I couldn’t sleep anyway. And if he stopped you two from sleeping, your brother would just collapse more often—”
“—which is already hugely inconvenient,” I say at the same time as Zheng Sili, though his words are sharp while mine are dead leaves falling from a rotting tree, brought to my lips unbidden.
Zheng Sili blinks, watches me for a long moment. “How did you know what I was going to say?” he says.