Page 98 of The Blood Orchid

I turned around, frowning. “Of course that’s not what Iwant,” I said. “But what else am I supposed to do?”

“You beat the Empress once,” Wenshu said.

“I didn’t!” I said. “Don’t you see that? She only let me think that I beat her. I don’t see a way out of this one, do you?”

Wenshu said nothing, his shadow stretched long in the doorway, so sad and silent that for a moment he looked exactly like the prince.

“I can’t gamble with other people’s lives anymore,” I said quietly, turning back to the wall. I thought of the ghost villages trampled by private armies, the prison full of alchemists half my age, the immortals who had died for doing nothing but chasing a dream at all costs, just like me. “This is all my fault. Maybe this is what I deserve.”

Wenshu let out a sigh, then his footsteps slowly came closeruntil he drew to a stop behind me, paused for a moment, then shoved me to the ground.

“Hey!” I said, sitting up and turning to him. “What are you—”

“Fan Zilan,” Wenshu said. The prince’s voice had never spoken to me so sternly, and the harshness of it made me flinch. “You are the Empress of China.”

“I’m not—”

“You already are,” he said, his eyes blazing, “and you are giving up on your people.”

“What do you expect me to—”

“If this were Empress Wu, the last thing she would do would be toroll over and die!” Wenshu said.

“Better me than our parents!” I said, tears burning down my face. “Better me than everyone in Guangzhou!”

Wenshu crossed his arms. “And what about everyone you swore to bring back?”

I shook my head, wiping my face with my sleeve, but the tears kept traitorously falling. Why was he being so cruel? “I tried—”

“You’re not tryingnow,” Wenshu said. “You’re moping.”

“Am I supposed to apologize for feeling bad that people died for me?” I said, rising to my feet.

“They didn’t die foryou, Zilan!” he said, throwing his arms up. “Is that really what you think? Are you actually that self-absorbed? They died because they believed in a better world than this one, not because you asked them to. They’d been planning this long before you came along.”

I shook my head. “They trusted me.”

“And you ruined everything,” Wenshu said, crossing his arms.

I blanched, my mind suddenly blank. “Gege—”

“Is that what you want me to say?” he said, his eyes dark. “You want me to help you punish yourself even more? You seemto be doing enough of that on your own.”

“It’s the truth.”

“And so what if it is?” Wenshu said. “You tried. Now try again, and do it right this time.”

I let out a sharp laugh. “You say that like it’s easy.”

“It’s not easy,” Wenshu said, “but you’re Fan Zilan.”

I couldn’t help but smile, wiping my tears away with my sleeve. At least he hadn’t saidyou’re the Scarlet Alchemist. My brother truly believed in me, and he wasn’t the type of person to sit back and let a fool handle matters of importance.

“Mèimei,” Wenshu said gently, the word forlittle sisterthat he hardly ever used, “we’ll figure out another way.”

“Right,” I said quietly.

I must not have sounded convinced, because Wenshu sighed and sat down in front of me, then pulled a rag from his pocket and started to scour the tears from my face.