Page 14 of Bruise Me Tenderly

I ease out of him and clean him up quickly because I remember how much he hated that. Made him feel dirty if it was on his skin, even if it was his own. Something caused by Ian.

Then I gather him close, and he lays his head on my chest with a contented sigh. It feels so good to have him against me again; I’ve been missing him since the moment I left town. And right now, I’m not sure how I’m ever supposed to leave him again.

Eight

River

When my alarm goes off the next morning, I turn it off as quickly as I can, hoping not to wake Judson. But when I turn over to check, I find that his side of the bed is empty.

My stomach sinks for a minute before I register the sounds coming from the other side of my closed bedroom door. Someone’s moving around in my kitchen, cooking something.

I climb out of bed and pull a new pair of scrubs on before padding barefoot into the kitchen.

Judson’s at the stove, plating eggs and bacon that smell delicious. “Hey,” he says, glancing over his shoulder at me. “I was just about to come wake you.”

I move to the cabinet and take a mug down to fill it with coffee. “What are you doing up at four in the morning? I know you didn’t set an alarm because I would’ve heard it.”

That was always something that led to an argument between us whenever we slept at each other’s house when we were kids. Judson would set five alarms a few minutes apart because he didn’t wake up with the first couple. I’m such a light sleeper that it drove me nuts.

Judson shrugs. “I couldn’t sleep. You said you leave at five, so I thought I’d make you some breakfast.”

I take the plate he offers and sit at the table with my coffee. “Do you have trouble sleeping?”

I expect him to blow me off, but he surprises me by saying, “Sometimes. The nightmares can be a little bad some nights.”

My throat tightens at the vulnerability in his voice. “I’m sorry. Those are hard.”

“It’s fine.” He sits across from me with his own plate and gives me a tired smile. “I wouldn’t have gotten much sleep last night anyway. I was up thinking about you.”

It’s an obvious change of subject, and I let it slide. I’m not going to push Judson into talking about something he doesn’t want to talk about.

“Can I take you to work?” Judson asks, taking a bite of his bacon.

“Um…” I stir the eggs around on my plate for a second. “Only if you’re there as soon as I get off my shift. I don’t like being out after dark.”

“Of course I’d be there,” Judson says. “In fact, maybe I’ll just hang out at the hospital all day and annoy your coworkers until they stop and tell me all your little secrets.”

I laugh. “You know way more of my secrets than they ever will.”

He gives me a soft, sad smile. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you.”

I shake my head before he’s done apologizing. “I forgave you, Judson. And now that you told me why you left in the first place, I understand it more. I don’t like it, but I get it. I just wish you’d been honest with me from the beginning. Everything was such a mess when I came out of the coma. There are pieces that are still missing from my memory.”

Judson frowns. “Pieces like what?”

“Like how we got out. I remember you pulling me into the truck and driving to the hospital, but I don’t remember what happened to Ian. They told me he died.”

“He did. I wouldn’t have left town if he’d still been alive,” Judson says fiercely. “If there was a chance he’d hurt you, I wouldn’t have left you alone.”

My heart warms at the sincerity in his voice. The protectiveness. Maybe Walter had a point about me looking at Judson as a hero.

“If you want to hear every detail, I’ll tell you after work,” Judson says. “I’m…I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you had pieces missing.”

“It’s okay. That’s the only day I have trouble remembering. And to be honest, I never really cared about how he died. I was just glad he was gone.”

He nods, but his eyes have taken on that faraway look he had the other night when he told me about Ian and the party. Even thinking about that now makes me so enraged on his behalf. The thought that he carried that around with him for six years kills me.

Even though I know he has to learn how to let it go on his own, I can’t help wishing I could help him get free of all the things Ian taught him.