Page 17 of Wire
St_Margarita: …..
St_Margarita: What if I’m not the same? After what happened …..
Beretta_Penn: What happened to your squad shouldn’t have happened to anyone. It’s bound to affect you.
St_Margarita: Not that, what about after? You know what I helped to do. Do you think I’m a monster?
Beretta_Penn: You got rid of an evil man. Stopped him from hurting more people. I’d think you were a monster if you didn’t do what you did.
St_Margarita: I can’t relax. I need to know that everyone I love is safe. I obsess about it.
Beretta_Penn: Does it make you feel better? Does it soothe your fear?
St_Margarita: Yeah.
Beretta_Penn: Mags, I think you deserve whatever will bring you peace x
Wire
“Yo, when was the last time you left this room?” Rhodie roughly spins what is normally Chewy’s chair around and slumps back into it. “Goddamn, these things are comfortable. A bitch to put together, but the comfort almost makes the hard work worth it.”
I snort because these chairs were a bitch to put together. When I first joined, Marx decided I should have the biggest suite in the clubhouse knowing that I wanted my system to be close at hand. He also figured I’d need top of the range furniture, so he found this chair, with all the bells and whistles. The salesman offered to have the delivery guy put it together for us and we took that as a personal insult. We’re a group of highly trained vets, a fucking MC. We could put a pissy little computer chair together. Six hours, one black eye and one almost resignation later, we got there.
“What’s going on, brother? Missing Chewy so you needed to come sit where her ass sits to feel close to her? Dude, she finishes work in like two hours. I’m sure you can last that long.”
He doesn’t even crack a smile. Just stares at me, eyes narrowed. “When was the last time you left this room?”
“I leave it all the time. I saw you at the bar last night when you were pining after your girlfriend.”
The corners of his mouth twitch before he settles back in Chewy’s chair. He regards me for a moment. “Come on. Let’s go for a ride. Don’t even try to tell me you’re too busy. Shit can wait. There’s nothing much going on at the moment. You can take a time out, brother.” He tips his head at me as he stands and I know the big bastard won’t take no for an answer.
I switch all my alerts to be sent to my watch and follow him out to where our bikes are all parked. Looking at my girl, I actually feel bad that I’ve been neglecting her. It’s just when I’m on the job it’s hard to switch off. I know we haven’t heard the last of the auctions. Russians don’t take kindly to people shutting down their businesses. It’s all a matter of time before the threats rise up again and we’re in the firing line. I’m the difference between us being caught unprepared or not.
Rhodie’s large hand claps my shoulder before he walks the short distance to his bike and throws his leg over. I do the same, backing her out of her parking spot, then starting her up and feeling the rumble beneath me. Rhodie circles his finger in the air and I follow him out of the compound onto the open road.
The wind through my hair has me closing my eyes a little in bliss. Just feeling the warm air of Texas spring on my skin has me shaking off a funk I never knew I was in. We take the back roads through the next two small towns before Rhodie signals to pull off at a side road. I follow him as it twists and turns, climbing higher until he stops at what looks to be a rest spot. He throws his leg over and turns his body until he’s looking out over a small town we sometimes pass through on our longer runs. Parking up next to him, I do the same, taking a deep breath of the clear air into my lungs. The wind therapy has definitely blown out the cobwebs.
“What have you been working on, brother?” Rhodie’s voice breaks through my peace and I catalog off everything I’ve been doing today.
“Trying to track and trace Kovalev, Kraykowski’s old boss. I know Roman says he has it in hand, but I’m not sure we can trust him. I’ve been supporting Lexi here and there. Making sure all our accounts are healthy. Looking at open properties for expansion, monitoring the dark web for anything that looks like could blow back at us, updating -”
“Enough, Saint.” Rhodie’s use of my government name cuts through and my head snaps up in surprise. “Brother, you have your finger in so many pies. It ain’t good for you, man.” He stares at me for a moment, a deep frown on his face. I know what he’s about to ask me. “When was the last time you saw your therapist?”
I pull my shoulders back, close my eyes, and let my head roll back and forth for a moment, stretching out any kinks before taking a breath and slowly letting it out. “I’m good, brother. I don’t need to see my therapist. I’m doing well. It sounds like a lot, but I have Chewy and now Remy to help. I can handle this, Rhodes.” I use his name as he used mine, so he understands how serious I’m being.
His eyes bounce between mine for a moment before he slaps his hand on my shoulder and squeezes.
“I know it hit you hard when we lost -” he swallows “- when we lost the others. You stopped eating and sleeping, became hypervigilant with our safety. I just don’t want to see you taken over like that again. We aren’t at war, brother.”
“Aren’t we? We may not be in a desert somewhere, but we’re still taking out bad guys.”
Rhodie huffs and gives me a wry smile. “Yeah, guess you’re right. Just remember, you’re not alone. It isn’t all on your shoulders to keep us safe and happy. Lean on us. We may not be as clever as you, but we sure can fuck shit up when the time calls for it.”
He gives me a smile and a shake before letting me go, and turning back to the view. My watch buzzes and I can see Rhodie roll his eyes, shaking his head in my periphery.
“Gotta get back. Looks like your brother-in-law has had an exciting morning. The boys have towed Ana’s car in and Chewy and Pops are investigating.”
“Ah, shit. Let’s roll out.”