Page 83 of A Vow of Shadows
I snorted in recognition of Inky’s impudence and glanced around for his companion guard. “I’m leaving,” I said.
As soon as the words left my lips, Storm slithered out from beneath the bed. Together, the shadows rose to my height—taller—their forms coalescing into an uncanny likeness of Evander. My eyes darted away from the dark copy, remembering the way his stubble scratched my cheek. “It is safer for us both.”
Shadow Evander made a show of placing his hands on his hips and sticking out one foot, a gesture the real Evander would never make.
“Fine.” I threw my arms in exasperation. “My leaving does nothing to diminish the risk to myself, but it is safer for both Evander and my mother if I can find her in time. You heard Behryn. I’ll not see Evander punished for trying to keep me safe.” I rose and tilted my chin up. “It is time for me to take control of my own destiny.”
Inky and Storm shrank to their usual amorphous selves, swaying uncertainly.
“You can do something for me, though,” I said.
They straightened, soldiers reporting for duty. Even shadow creatures needed purpose it seemed.
“When Evander wakes, tell him—” My voice broke, and I inhaled deeply before I could begin again. “Tell him that I left of my own free will, and that I couldn’t stand by and watch others fight my battles. Tell him that I hope our paths cross again someday.” I blinked at the ceiling to keep the tears from falling. “And tell him thank you for seeing me beneath the shadows when no one else did.”
The words tumbled out of me without thought. I planned to return. I would bring my mother in tow, and we would live forever sustained by the magic of The Between. But something in me knew the truth. I could be walking right into Behryn’s trap and the likelihood of me making it back was slim. No matter what I wanted the outcome to be, I wouldn’t leave without a proper goodbye. I’d made that mistake once and paid for it dearly.
My lips trembled as I offered my guardians a half-hearted smile.
A path opened between them, an exit large enough for me to pass through to the doorway beyond. I stepped betweenthem and was immediately wrapped in their cool embrace. They smelled of The Between, of mist and loam. I closed my eyes and committed the scent to memory. Too soon, the light beyond my eyelids lightened. The air around me warmed as they separated again. I opened my eyes and gasped as I stepped into the Corridor.
Tyr Anighwas gone. Evander was gone. Though my surroundings looked just the same as every other stretch along the endless winding road, I trusted my shadows had led me to the right place. They’d given me this chance, and I would not squander it.
Inky and Storm faded from view, blending into a darker patch of shade beneath the trees. I whispered my thanks and turned toward the land of the living, toward home.
As a mortal not bound by the magic of The Between, the doorway would always be open for me to return to the mortal world. Once there, I would be trapped until Evander or Death came for me. Perhaps I would beat Death in his own games and be reunited with Evander come nightfall. More likely, this was the last I would step foot in this world.
A faint shimmer marked the passageway, and I halted with my feet mere inches from it. Lifting my unmarked hand, I slid my fingers over the seam between worlds. There was no resistance, only a drop in temperature to let me know I’d reached into another world. A breeze slipped through, blowing my hair back from my face.
Another Evander-shaped shadow stretched along the ground to my right. I laughed even as a deep ache settled in my chest. “Come to say goodbye again?”
“Katrin.” The whisper was a benediction.
My heart stuttered as goosebumps rose along my arm. I turned, mindful of the doorway a step away. The man standing before me was not a fearsome reaper hell-bent on revenge. Norwas he the stoic guardian determined to protect me from my dark fate. Looking at him now, barefoot, hair mussed, and shirt unbuttoned to reveal the hard lines of his chest, I could see only the funny, caring man who made me feel things I refused to name.
“Evander,” I breathed.
His eyes scanned the trees, taking in the subtle differences that marked the location. “Why?”
It wasn’t an accusation, but I winced as the question struck me like a blow to the gut. “My mother. I cannot let her fall for me, not after—” I broke off, unwilling to poke the wound of my father’s passing, still too fresh and raw.
He shook his head. “What’s worth living for isn’t always worth dying for. I would know.”
A flash of utter devastation crossed his face, wiped away with the palm of his hand. After all this time, he was still hiding the broken pieces of himself, all the human parts he strived to be rid of. Would my leaving be his ultimate undoing?
“There’s no guarantee Behryn is even waiting for me. I can find my mother, and you can retrieve us tonight. I’ll only be gone a few hours.” I smiled, but it was an approximation of the real thing. We both knew the probability of this being a trap, but Behryn had known exactly where to strike, and I wasn’t willing to gamble away my mother to protect myself.
He stepped forward, and I slid my foot back until I felt the change in temperature. Evander’s gaze tracked the movement, and he froze, despair pulling down the corners of his mouth and brows. His eyes lifted to mine, wide in panic. I watched as if in slow motion as his knees buckled, and he sank to the hard-packed road, palms open in surrender.
“I love you.” Compared to his movements, his words came out in a rush. They hurtled for me across the short expanse, too quick to dodge.
“That is a cruel trick,” I replied, the falsehood sticky on my tongue.
“I swear it’s true. I can’t go on pretending I don’t love you, that I’m notin lovewith you. Tell me you feel it, too.”
I shook my head, tears pooling at the edge of my vision. “I can’t. I don’t.” Because if I admitted that I loved him, how could I ever walk away? But I knew the words for the lies they were, and I could not bear to voice them again. I turned my head so that only my darkened eye faced him. “If you love me,” I whispered, voice breaking, “find me again.”
I stepped backwards, the sound of Evander’s scream following me into the living world. The forest came to life around me, and I knew there was no going back. Though the trees were still bare in the early winter chill, a muted rainbow of color littered the ground from the recent autumn shedding. The sunbeams shone brighter, birds called to one another, the wind smelled of crisp pine, and all of it paled in comparison to the beauty of being loved.