Page 22 of Paddy

“The things I could do in an hour,” I winked, as it wasn’t lost on me that it garnered a light blush that flushed her cheeks.

“Soon as you’re done kiddo, we’re out. Don’t forget anything so we don’t have to come back and disturb your mum,” I said, noticing the kid must have been hungry, because one minute he was breathing, and the next? The plate was empty. Bending down low enough for him to jump on my back, our destination was the garage, then the open road.

It was hard not to notice the semi-permanent smile on Elijah’s face. He was sure as hell happy about something. In effort to avoid a quiet car ride, I decided to pick his brain. “Been smiling ever since you got in here. Must got a little girlfriend waiting for you at school.”

Elijah just shook his head, but it did very little to calm his grin. “No girlfriend? What then? Can't be excited for an exam or anything.”

When he shook his head again, I told him it would be better if he just told me than for me to have to keep guessing and getting it wrong.

“This is the first morning Daddy didn't come home the night before and Mommy wasn't crying. I try to be good. Be ready so she doesn't have to waste her work time getting me ready, butsometimes it seems like just about anything makes her cry,” he admitted, not understanding the weight of what he was saying.

“That right?” I asked sympathetically. Kids, they noticed these kinds of things, whether adults were keen enough to pick up on that. To a sensitive kid like Elijah, I’m sure being in the middle of his parents’ problems was like his own personal hell.

“I know it's hard to understand, but fathers often have to make sacrifices to make sure you have the things you need,” I said, trying to give Vernon some credit. Ain’t like the man wasn’t working hard.

“I know. It's just sometimes…” he hesitated, like he couldn’t believe what he was about to admit out loud. “It seems like it would be easier for them to not be together. They’re always fighting. So, it’s nice to see Mommy can be happy.”

He was just a kid, so I couldn’t tell him what I really felt. If I had to guess, I’d say Vernon was having an affair. Vernon was one of those nice guy types, so I can see why that’d convince a woman he’d be good husband material at first. But my guess was, since the marriage was so convenient for him, the chances of him leaving were pretty small.

Pretty seemed more like status symbol to him than a wife, because it was clear she wasn’t getting the best of him. And a man was a man, ain’t no way he got someone that looks like Pretty and ain’t rushing home every night. It’s obvious he’s getting his dick wet someplace else.

As a man, I understood it. But the idea of jugglingonedifficult woman, let alone two, sounded like a genuine nightmare.

“I know it hurts. To see your mother like that. Hell, I’m sure it even feels like your Pa don't care about you. I know that's how I used to feel before my Pa died,” I admitted.

“Really?” Elijah asked, like he couldn’t believe someone could relate to him.

“Yeah, only my Pa was a mean drunk. As far as dads go, be grateful you didn’t get the worst of them. Remember when I told you Ihadto learn how to fight? He was the reason why.”

“Your dad used to hit you?” he asked in a tone that didn’t sound like he actually wanted to know.

“My Pa did a lot of things. If tough love actually exists, he was the bringer of it. But it don’t really feel like love once you get older. I’m sure that don’t make you feel any better about your own pops, but take it from someone who knows. Sometimes your Pa ain’t gonna be the hero in your life. So, if you want one, you gotta look to other male influences in your life for guidance. You do that and you’ll be alright.”

For me, that had been my brothers. If I hadn’t gotten drafted, I would’ve surely bit the bullet by now. The only thing keeping me from doing so was I still had older brothers to look up to. Hell, now that Cilly was the expert on fatherhood and marriage, even he was worth looking up to for how well he managed it.

“That’s the thing,” Elijah started and I knew he was going to say something that chipped away at his confidence. “I don’t have cousins, or uncles. Or even kids older than me to look up to. I basically have no one,” he admitted defeated.

“That ain't true. You got me. Your mum's probably not gonna let me take you to the ring anytime soon. But after all your schoolwork’s done, if you were up to it, we could throw the ball around a little bit. But only if you’re into that kind of thing.”

“I’ve never done it, so I don’t know if I’m into that kind of thing.”

“Every kid should know if they like to throw a ball around, so consider it your lucky day.”

Eleven

Pretty

Smoothing down my pressed hair, I gave my final look the once over to ensure I wasn't doing too much. It wasn't like he was asking me to walk a red carpet. Maybe I should switch the open toe pumps for D’Orsay heels.

Why was I putting this much effort into it? It wasn't like he was actuallytakingme out. It was likely a professional outing but…it had been so long since I wanted to look nice for a man.

Vernon made it subtle but explicit that if I wanted to look nice, it had to be for myself. Things he used to notice go right over his head now.

The weight gain hadn’t affected my looks, but to him, it made me feel invisible. Maybe it was just the company of Mr. Sullivan, but it was nice to dress up for someone outside of yourself. Not that he would notice or anything.

Men as handsome and young as Mr. Sullivan didn't notice women like me. Working moms. Not when they could have their pick at some nineteen-year-old, happy to be a stay at home one. Looking at my life, while successful, I wonder would I have been happier in a route like that? I guess I'll never know.

When I hopped in my car, finding the parking lot of the address he asked me to meet him downright confused me. This couldn't be right. Did I mix up the address? I almost started my car back up when the figure exiting the building was Mr. Sullivan.