Page 18 of Forbidden Fruit

“Sir, it was perfectly innocent. We went to play in the park and a dog was there. They petted it and that’s it. They’re five and two, of course they’re gonna want a dog or a cat or any cute thing they see.”

“And I have to be the one to tell them no.”

“Well, yes, you’re their father. That’s your job,” she snaps, stunning us both, before widening her eyes. “I’m so sorry. That was extremely unprofessional. What I meant to say is that boundaries are healthy for kids. They won’t love you less if you tell them no.”

“Thank you for the wisdom, Miss Winfrey,” I answer tightly because she’s right, but I refuse to acknowledge it. “I’ll see you on Monday.”

I clench my jaw, frustration awakening my body in a way I thought long buried. My heart beats faster and I want to massage my temples with how annoyed I feel, hoping to dispel it.

I was hoping to ask her why she’s so tired and dulled when she was so vibrant and alive last week. I was just good at being a horrible person.

The door closes behind her, and from the window, her silhouette disappears into the night air.

TEN

I’M JUST BEING CHARITABLE

On Sunday evening, like clockwork, I enter Lady in White. I’ve done this every week since Monica told me she wanted to find pleasure somewhere that wasn’t our marital bed. I have a few play partners that I’ve become accustomed to over the past nine months. I enjoy the structure of negotiating a scene in advance, what is allowed or not, the boundaries of what I can do, and knowing all parties will be satisfied at the end. Every time I was in bed with my ex-wife was a gamble.

I desired my wife. A lot. But we were highly incompatible in bed, fighting for dominance and refusing to give in. And we were bad communicators.

I’ve made it my mission since to read body language and ensure that never happens again. Maybe if I’d done that with her, she’d still be with me. But it doesn’t matter anymore.

Here, everyone knows what will happen, even though the modalities can change. There’s a clear line drawn. My partner comes on my terms, which they’ve agreed to. Any discomfort is signalled with colours, and safewords protect us all.

That’s how I end up in the middle of the quiet lounge area, sipping on a glass of Macallan and hoping to dispel the tension in my body.

Ash, a pretty brunette I’ve met before, drops to her knees in front of me without preamble. A few people are looking at us with lust in their eyes. It usually turns me on. Today, I almost flinch and place a hand on her elbow to stop her before helping her up.

“I’m sorry. Did I disappoint you?” Ash asks from her place between my spread thighs, her voice soft and uncertain. I know she loves the attention she gets from others when she’s on her knees, and I feel bad for not giving her my entire focus. But my heart nor my body are in it.

I caress her cheek in a reassuring manner. “I’m tired today, beautiful. Why don’t you join Matthew and Ana?”

She nods and steps away to where the couple welcomes her with open arms while I walk to the bar with a defeated sigh.

As I drown my numbness in Scotch and listen to the sounds of sex and decadence, the conversation between the two bartenders reaches my ears.

“It’s bad, Bianco. Can’t you host her for like a week while she finds another place? The whole building is getting evacuated. I can go to Ritchie, but she has nowhere to go,” Jade, the long-haired blonde bartender tells the other.

“Babe, I live in a twenty square metre studio and I bring work home more often than not. Vanessa’s not staying with me,” the bartender with hoops all around his ears answers, and I perk up at the sound of her name.

I usually don’t talk to anyone outside of the people I play with. I don’t do small talk and all that nonsense. No one gained anything from knowing me before, so I won’t start at the club. But something compels me to join in with their conversation. There’s no way they’re talking about my Vanessa. I mean, my nanny. I mean the nanny that works for me and my kids.

“Excuse me. Jade, is it?” I ask and she nods, frowning. “You mentioned a Vanessa. Do you mean Vanessa Winfrey?”

What will I do when I discover it’s her they are talking about? Offer her to let her live in my pool house? That’s ludicrous.

“Oh my God, of course. You’re Mr Marquesi,” Jade exclaims.

I cringe. We don’t use surnames in the club to respect everyone’s privacy.

“Sorry, sorry. I know who you are, but I didn’t make the connection. Vanessa’s been staying at my place, but we need to leave.”

“You have to evacuate your building?” I ask.

“Yes. They found asbestos and we all have to move out.” Jade looks distressed. “Vanessa already spent the whole week searching for a new place. She’s just having a bit of bad luck.”

I swallow hard. She has nowhere to go.