Page 25 of Forbidden Fruit
I take his hand from Vanessa’s and sweep Livia off the sand and into my arms. They both start crying and my heart breaks, my throat clogging with unshed sadness. I deposit them onto the blanket and sit on the foldable chair, but their wailing continues.
Vanessa bites her bottom lip and hesitates, taking a step away from us, then stopping again, before she spins to face us. She doesn’t look to me for approval this time and my blood heats with the promise of retribution. It won’t be the kind I love to inflict.
Whatever she’s about to say, I know she’s going to find a compromise. And it will work. She has a soft touch with Anton and Livia without catering to their every whim. Where I’m hard and unyielding, she finds space to nurture them. I watch, mesmerised, as she settles on her knees on the sand. From my chair, it could almost look like she’s at my feet. I don’t dislike it as much as I should.
“Anton, Livia, look at me.” They do, their little eyes shining with tears, their cheeks red with the force of their emotions. “I’m not working today. Do you know what that means?”
Anton nods, but Livia shakes her head. A smile appears on Vanessa’s soft features. Her wavy hair almost hides her from me and I tilt my head to see her better, hanging to her words.
“That means when it’s around dinner time until the morning, and when it is Saturday and Sunday, I can’t spend time with you. I have my own home, and my friends and a lot of things to do.”
“But you live with us,” Anton retorts, wiping his tears with his fists and I curse myself for putting them in this confusing situation. I don’t even know why I did it, I just knew I couldn’t let her stay anywhere else.
She smiles a kind and knowing smile. “I live in the same place, but I have my own space. Imagine like at school when you go to your classroom but the older kids, they go to another and they don’t come into your classroom and you don’t go into theirs. That’s what happens for us on Saturdays and Sundays. Do you understand?”
“I think so.” Anton frowns and bites his lip, but after a while he nods his approval. Livia has already left the conversation as she plays with a ball and sand next to us.
“But today, we are at the beach and it’s a public place, so maybe we can play for a little bit and then I’ll go over there.” She shows him the other side of the beach, “And I’ll read and you’ll play with your dad.”
“Dad doesn’t play with me.”
Actually, it’s now that my heart breaks. Have I been so self-centred and insensitive that I forgot to give my children what really matters? My full attention.
“I’ll play with you,” I say as I stand. “If you’ll show me how.”
His smile expands and brightens like I just offered him a precious gift. My eyes collide with Vanessa where she still rests on the floor and I clear my throat, feeling too tight in my skin and all too hot, despite the cool spring air.
“But first, let’s get into the water,” I say as I grab both Anton and Livia under my arms and run into the cool water of the Mediterranean Sea.
They both yell and laugh and cry out, as Vanessa laughs and joins in, taken in by the joyful moment that can only exist in between clouds. A throaty laugh escapes my mouth. It’s been so long, and it sounds so foreign. Vanessa is suddenly splashing us with water until our eyes burn with sea salt and I protest for a ceasefire, coming closer to shore to drop the kids where the water doesn’t reach above their belly button.
“Again,” Livia claps and throws herself into my arms. It’s natural to twirl her around, then do the same to Anton, who tries to jump back into the water even though he doesn’t know how to swim yet.
Their attention is diverted when Livia spots a fish by her feet and squeals, then runs out of the water, deciding to stay on dry land and play in the sand, covering herself to the neck with it.
I groan. I’ll be cleaning sand from her body for days.
Anton joins her and they build what should look like a sand castle but is just a heap of wet sand.
A hand comes to rest on my shoulder and I turn to take in a smiling Vanessa. Our laughs die down as I take her in fully. Her wavy wet brown hair reaches her slender shoulders and looks darker, saturated with water. Droplets fall from her cheeks andglide against her neck, all the way to her cleavage where her full breasts are covered in the cutest swimsuit I’ve ever seen. A one piece with lemons and green vines on it, cut at the side and the back. It’s cheery and luminous, but also sexy in a subtle way. Just like her.
Her bright eyes meet mine and thoughts leave my head as I take in how round and plush her lips look.
I look away, tightening my fists so I don’t reach out to tuck her hair behind her ear. I reach the shore and settle on my haunches to play with my children for the first time in a long time, not lifting my eyes to the siren in my line of sight.
Satisfied the kids have settled, Vanessa walks to the other side of the beach and lays on her front, reading.
Acouple of hours later, the sun sets slowly on the horizon. I pull the sweaters I brought for Livia and Anton to cover them and gather up everything we brought.
Vanessa is swimming in the frigid Mediterranean Sea.
I hesitate.
It’s almost dinnertime. If I miss bedtime, Anton and Livia will never get to sleep tonight.
When I get up to leave, she swims back to shore, her lithe body emerging from the water. Mouth watering and hanging open, I watch as Anton hands her towel he must have grabbed when my attention was stolen away by the mesmerising woman in front of me. She lets him rub his little hands up and down her arms and Livia joins in, giggling.
“I didn’t realise it was so cold already,” she says to no one in particular.