Page 40 of Forbidden Fruit

Le to bellezze, le to cullane d’oru,

Ciucciarella inzuccarata,

Quantu hè longa sta nuttata,

Fà la ninna, fà la nanna,

U to babbu hè à la campagna,

My mother used to sing it to me as a kid, and I never forgot the words. It’s about a father who loves his daughter so much he cares for the land around her, so she grows to love it as well.

I tried once to sing about a family of turtles, Livia cried harder because she doesn’t have a mum like the baby turtle.

I rock her side to side in my arms as I hum the tune again and again. Within a few minutes, Livia goes limp against my chest, the teddy falling to the floor. I don’t pick it up. Instead, I close my eyes and inhale her soft baby smell. Even as she grows older, it still feels like she is just an hour old when the nurses put her in my arms for the first time. I’d take all her nightmares away if I could; I’d slay her demons, protect her with all I have. But this monster is beyond my reach, and it might be time for her to see someone who can truly help her.

I listen to Livia’s breathing, and when I’m sure she won’t wake up again, I lay her in her bed and pull the covers up, placing the teddy I rescue from the floor in her arms.

Anton is fast asleep, the Paw Patrol sheets thrown to the bottom of the bed. I lay a kiss on his forehead and cover him as well so he won’t get cold. I do it as much for him as I do it for me.

When I’m back in bed, sleep doesn’t come. I lie awake, thinking about soft olive skin, dark curls and pink lips. If my children were to find her inside the house at night, inside my room, they’d be upset, and for good reason. I can’t do this to them.

Vanessa might have made me feel alive for the first time in years, but it’s not her responsibility. And my family needs stability more than anything right now. She’s a storm. A perfect storm disguised as sunshine.

By the time I force myself to stop thinking about her, the sun has risen behind the curtains. I take an ice-cold shower and prepare myself for the conversation that needs to happen between my employee and I.

Me

Come early today.

It sounds brutal and like I’m going to fire her.Jesus, why is this so hard?

Me

Please.

I distract myself by preparing Livia and Anton’s breakfast and working on the financial reports for Alana. I even text Pierce to ask him to lunch. His response has me rolling my eyes.

Pierce

If this is code for ‘I’ve been abducted, come get me’, send me an emoji.

Me

It’s not. And which emoji? Be clear.

Pierce

Who are you and what have you done with Lino Marquesi?

Me

You’re tiresome. Lunch at 1pm? I’m buying.

Pierce

I wouldn’t miss it for the world, my friend.

Me