Page 64 of Forbidden Fruit
An hour later, I hear the tires of my father’s car on the gravel outside. Anton and Livia enter the house while speakinga mile a minute about everything they did yesterday with Mammonna and Babbone.
Vanessa sits on the couch in the living room and they greet her like it’s normal to see her here, despite it being a Saturday. I know Livia doesn’t really understand the concept of days, but Anton does. His nonchalance makes me feel better about the changes I’m bringing into their lives.
Vanessa greets my father, then my mother, who hugs her and whispers, “Welcome to the family” so loudly I know she did it on purpose. I roll my eyes and she winks at me. Vanessa blushes and murmurs a small “thank you” before turning to me and taking my hand.
“Are you going to kiss now?” Anton asks with a grimace, making us all laugh, before my parents leave us four to our own devices. I was expecting awkwardness and a heavy feeling to settle inside my chest. It’s still there, the idea that maybe I’m going too fast, but I’ve never been sure of anything in my life but my love for my children and that I want Vanessa in our lives.
I get to my haunches, dragging both kids to me in for a hug I need as much as they do. “You know,picculinu, now that Vanessa is going to be my girlfriend, Iamgoing to kiss her. Are you okay with that?” I ask them.
“Ew,” Anton answers as Livia shrugs, already done with the conversation and wanting to play with the cars she loves. I stop her before she can. Even if they already said and showed that they’re okay with their new reality, there is one more thing they need to know.
“As of next week, you’ll both go to summer camp, which is like a school, but you only play all day. So Vivi won’t be your nanny anymore. But you’ll still get to see her because she is my girlfriend and she’ll be here often.”
“I don’t want to go to school,” both children whine, missing the point entirely.
Vanessa laughs and gets down as well. “Anghuli, it’s more like a place where you get to play all day with other kids. You don’t have to sit all day there; it’s just fun.”
They frown, their little mouths dropped down, and brows creasing in displeasure.
“But you’ll be there when we get home?” Anton asks.
“Not every day, but most days,” she responds as she looks at me, a hand on my shoulder.
The kids look at each other and nod like that’s a satisfactory answer. Before long, they play again, the whole conversation so easy it makes me regret not having had it earlier. I could have spent the last month buried in between my girl’s thighs.
But then I remember all the thinking I did. And that wasn’t for nothing. I needed to come to terms with my own fears and though they still live inside my chest like a guillotine, I know the sharp edges won’t kill me.
The afternoon passes in pure bliss and quiet as I watch my children play with Vanessa. When they get down for a nap, she settles with the computer on the sofa and studies for two hours, a frown of concentration on her brow. I don’t even pretend to read. My attention is all on her.
“I want to play in the pool,” Anton demands after his afternoon snack made of grapes and figs when he gets up from his nap. As always, his sister follows his lead and before I know it, both kids are naked in the living room with their swimsuits in their hands, trying their best to dress themselves.
“I’ll meet you outside. I’m going to change,” Vanessa says before pressing a kiss to my cheek. They heat up and my chest fills with that fuzzy feeling again that turns my world to colour instead of its usual muted grey.
“Don’t let the monster catch you,” she yells at both kids a few minutes later, hunching and turning her hands into claws in an effort to make herself appear as one. It’s hard to take herseriously when she wears that damn one piece swimsuit with the cut on the right side and the lemons embroidered to the nylon.
She chases Anton and Livia out on the patio and into the garden, Anton running into the pool to escape her. Livia screams delightfully as Vanessa grabs her and pretends to munch on her shoulder, before she takes the steps down into the water with a yelling and flailing Livia in her arms. “It’s cold,” my daughter screams, but it only takes a few minutes before she asks for her floating belt.
Between jumping, playing where the water is shallow and trying their best to swim laps across the pools, I know I will have very tired kids to deal with tonight, but the thought only fills me with joy. And I owe it all to her.
Monica never played with our children like this. She wasn’t a bad mother, but she mostly left them to their own devices. Nurturing their inner world wasn’t part of her plans. And until very recently, it wasn’t mine either. How many times did I dismiss Anton when he wanted me to play with him or shorten a story because I was exhausted by life itself? Maybe my ex-wife battled inner demons as well that she never felt confident sharing with me.
I won’t do that to Vanessa.
As the kids rest outside the pool and play together, I take her hand in mine and drag her onto my lap. The peachy blush on her cheeks is adorable. Despite her embarrassment, she links her arms around my neck and nuzzles against me.
I take in the sight in front of me.
My children, happy and cared for.
The girl I love, content in my arms.
Because there is no doubt in my mind that I love this woman. With all the shredded pieces of my soul that she sewed back together.
THIRTY-FOUR
BUT FIGHTING FOR LOVE IS WORK
“Happy birthday to you, dear Vivi. Happy birthday to you!”