Page 66 of Forbidden Fruit
“No, Lino. I don’t think that. Do you?”
He simply nods, his lips quivering. Averting my gaze, he continues, “It’s like I can feel it. The heaviness. I thought you chased it away.”
It’s not reproach but disappointment taints his voice. I move to sit on his lap and turn his eyes to me. They’re misty with unshed pain and anguish and I don’t know how to help him. I don’t know what to say that will ease his mind and his heart, but I know how to love him, so that’s what I do.
“I love you, Lino Marquesi. I have fallen in love with you and if it’s despair and darkness trying to take you away, I’ll be by your side to fight it alongside you, or simply hold you when it’s too much.”
Lino drops his forehead to my chest, holding me closer and taking a deep breath against my skin. His shoulders drop an inch, but I know that won’t be enough. What he says, how he feels, I can’t fight it for him. I can only be there while he does what he needs to stay present for me, for his children, for us.
“I love you, too,” he whispers against my heart. “I thought maybe it was too early to tell you how much you mean to me.” His eyes lift then and shine with adoration and love, the grey as clear as the glasses he always wears, giving him that air of authority and calm I love. I know better, but the sight always makes my heart squeeze and my thighs tremble, ready to give him all that I am.
We kiss languidly for what feels like hours, basking in this confession for as long as we can.
As I glide my fingers through the dark strands of his hair that are turning white at the temples, I lean back and ask, “Have you thought about talking to a professional about this?”
“What for? No one can do anything about what I feel.”
“Who told you that?”
“It doesn’t matter,” he sighs and gets up, but I stop him from leaving with a hand clasped around his wrist.
“Don’t shy away from the hard times, Lino. Don’t leave because you think I won’t withstand your darkness.” I’ve never heard myself be so firm, nor has he if his gaping mouth is any indication. “Sit back down,” I command and he obeys, my heart jumping in my chest. This is a moment of truth.
I wait until he’s ready to talk again, giving him space to either stay silent and let me share his burden or talk and expel whatever is eating him inside. That’s all I can do. As a partner,that’s what my love looks like and I doubt he’s ever been given that.
“Monica hated it when I was… in such a state. She told me that version of me wasn’t the man she married. That I was weak.”
My heart breaks at the admission. This strong, loving man who adores his children was made to feel like he was less than because his mental health wasn’t always a hundred per cent. I’ve never had an opinion on Monica Marquesi. Their divorce was a private affair, and since Lino didn’t talk about her, I didn’t ask. I assumed she left and gave full custody of the children to Lino. Anton and Livia talk about her sometimes, of course, but there have been fewer and fewer occasions.
Now, my blood boils with the need to protect the man I love from the ghost of his past. From this woman who was supposed to love him as he was but made him feel inadequate instead. I’m not a violent person. I’ve never wished harm on anyone, not even my aunt. But this woman awakens a beast in me that wants to maul whoever hurt him.
Instead, I frame his face with both hands. “Listen to me, Lino. You are not weak,” I say vehemently. “You’re a wonderful father, you’re a loving and kind man and you deserve to be loved fiercely exactly how you are. That’s what I will do. I love you and I’m staying, no matter what.”
I end my passionate speech with a kiss that conveys all the love I have for him. I don’t give him a choice as I delve my tongue into his mouth, claiming his lips and body with mine, fusing my sun-kissed skin to his. I claw at his scalp and Lino groans into my mouth, growing hard underneath me where our bodies line up perfectly.
“If you don’t get off me now,zitella, I won’t be held accountable for my actions.”
I giggle. “Is that a threat, Daddy?”
I nibble at his neck, biting his ear and licking his salty skin, and revel in how his fingers delve into my skin where he grips my bottom to hold himself back. Tonight, there will be a punishment for me for being such a tease, but I can’t help but grind against his cock.
Lino bites into my plush bottom lip before lifting me off of him and running to jump into the pool, making me laugh so loud I startle the kids awake. When his head emerges from the depths of the blue water, he shakes his hair boyishly and glares at me. I laugh harder, Livia joining me for a hug before she asks to put on her swimming belt.
I should have been prepared for my bubble of happiness to burst one way or another.
THIRTY-SIX
STEPPING UP
The following week, Anton and Livia are both at school when Lino’s health starts to decline. The conversation we had that day by the pool is fresh in my mind. And it seems Lino just needed the reassurance that I’d still be there for him to let go.
He comes back from work early one afternoon. In the past seven months since I’ve known him, it happened only once that day he chased my roommate away.
He kisses me lightly on the forehead. “I don’t feel well,zitella. I’m going to lie down. Do you mind picking up Livia and Anton from school?”
I nod, then take care of the kids as they tell me about their day enthusiastically. I try my best not to show my concern for their dad as they ask me where he is and I explain that he’s unwell and resting. They go to his bedroom and hug him goodnight while I watch from the threshold, growing more anxious.
“IsBabbugoing to leave like mamma?” Anton asks when I draw the sheet over his body in his bed. His voice is so unsure, cracking at the edges, his cheeks wet with fat tears. He doesn’t sob, but his sadness is palpable.