Page 74 of Forbidden Fruit

“I…” She hesitates but then squares her shoulders and gulps. “I was hoping we could find a better arrangement.”

The audacity of this woman. We just spent two hours establishing that she only gets to visit her children under the supervision of Lino and both his parents twice a month and already she wants more. That’s more than she deserves.

And if she thinks because she gets to spend one afternoon every two weeks with him that she will slither back into his life, I’ll be more than happy to remind her that won’t ever happen. After the school incident, we spent two full weeks comforting and reassuring Anton and Livia that their mother wouldn’t take them away, that they were safe.

Livia’s nightmares have started again and just for that, I could punch the awful woman in front of me. I know I don’t have any rights to them but I love them so much, seeing them suffer tears my heart to pieces every time I cuddle up to them and they cling to me like I’m going to disappear.

“We already found an arrangement, and it’s a generous one,” Lino finally tells her. “If you don’t bail out on them for the next six months, we will reconsider. Until then, do what you’re told for once in your miserable life.”

“You say ‘we’ likeshematters,” she sneers, and my spine straightens. I’m about to call her out when Lino does it for me.

“She does. She’s my partner and twice the mother you’ll ever be.”

I blush and preen, my heart so full it might explode in my chest.

“I need money, Lino,” she pleads but he clenches his teeth and repeats the same thing he already told her before. “You’re not getting a cent from me.” He advances on her and she takes a step back, shrinking under his angry stare. “If you’re smart, you’ll follow the plan the judge set out. But you can disappear again for all I care. I’m done with you. Don’t give me a reason to cut you off from your children’s life.”

“You’re a fucking monster,” she yells but it falls flat. I squeeze Lino’s hand again, telling him without words that she’s wrong.

But he already knows.

He doesn’t answer her and we leave the cold building and go back to our house in weighted silence. This morning was heavy and I know that Lino is using all his energy to do right by his children, but it’s costing him. The bags under his eyes have turned blueish and his hands tremble on the steering wheel.

Once parked, before he can get out of the car, I stop him with a gentle hand on his muscular thigh. “My love, have you thought about what Dr Armand said?”

“Which part?” he asks.

“The anti-depressant part.”

His head tilts back on the headrest, his shoulders dropping as if weighted by lead. He simply nods, then takes my hand and interlaces our fingers. Lifting the back of my hand to his lips, he gives it a soft kiss and looks right into my soul as he thanks me again. “Thank you for not giving up on me,u mo sole.”

FORTY-ONE

THAT’S THE TASTE OF FOREVER

The September air turns frigid as October passes and November fully lands. A lavender wool sweater replaces my favourite sundress. Livia insisted on dressing similarly to me today and she looks like she could be my daughter if not for the contrast between her blonde hair and my chestnut curls. In a pair of denim jeanswith a cotton purple sweater, she looks like a little fairy. She hasn’t asked for her mother and I’m grateful for it because Monica disappeared again after the trial. This time around, Lino isn’t trying to find her.

“Happy birthday to you, Livia. Happy birthday to you,” we all sing as she grins and blows the three candles on the chocolate cake we baked together this morning. This recipe has been a staple of our lives together. I don’t tell them that I’m scared to bake anything else for them and they don’t ask.

I smile at the love of my life, whose black cashmere turtleneck and wide legged beige pants make him look way too hot for a kids’ birthday party. He winks at me and I blush. Behind my back, his hand descends to grab a handful of my ass and squeezes, making me yelp and become indecently wet at the same time. I try to hide it behind a cough that fools absolutely no one except maybe the children.

“I want a bigger cake formybirthday,” Anton proclaims as he stuffs his mouth, leaving crumbs everywhere. Lino and I got rid of the plush beige sofa in the living room a few weeks ago because of this very issue. I love these two with all my heart, but they’re messy, like children are, and I’d rather not give their dad a heart attack any time he has to scrub the thing raw.

And secretly, I found it pretentious and impractical. I’m glad it’s gone. It might be petty, but the small changes around the house slowly erase Monica’s presence and replace it with mine, which helps me feel like this is also my home, not simply a place I occupy as Lino’s partner.

“We’ll make it together,” I tell him and Anton beams at me, launching into a drawing of exactly how he wants it to be. Considering it’s already four layers, and he’s only been at it for two minutes, I don’t think I understood what I bargained for, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I walk to the kitchen to clean up when Lino ventures behind me and crowds me against the sink, his hard-on pressing against my back. When he kisses the column of my neck softly and takes hold of my hip with one hand, I bite my lip so as not to moan.

“Not here,” I whisper.

He chuckles and nibbles on my ear. “I can’t wait to congratulate youproperlyon your exams,u mo sole.”

The first big exams for my catch-up year were mid-October, and I passed with flying colours. The workload is intense but now that Lino is doing better, I can dedicate more time to study and get on everyone’s level in one year instead of two. The antidepressants are working well, allowing him to be more focused. He’s back at work and our family is thriving. Which in turn makes me really horny because damn if I don’t love this man, who puts his family first.

When everyone leaves and the children are in bed, I settle in the office that I completely refurbished. The walls are painted adeep forest green colour that soothes away the lingering anxiety of the day. The bright yellow sofa calls my name, but I sit at the white desk instead, listening as the rain patters against the window with calming taps. I’m deep into my biology course when Lino traces the back of his hand alongside my arms, placing a steaming cup of chamomile tea next to me. He hasn’t forgotten it helps me sleep.

Without a word, he sits on the sofa, facing me, and opens his leather-bound journal. He looks so focused as he writes on a blank page.What is it with a man going to therapy that’s so hot?I try to refocus my attention on my studies, but I can’t. Every so often, my eyes come up to take him in, elegant fitted pants that hang loose on his hips and a simple light blue tee that has risen and lets me see a sliver of his muscled abdomen. He’s mouthwatering.