Page 92 of Cashmere Cruelty

I preen a little. So maybe I’m not a complete disaster at keeping things casual. Even if I did get pregnant right off the bat. “What else?”

“Don’t do intimate things together,” Corey phone-shrugs.

“Again, Corey, bit late here.”

“Nine months late, to be exact,” June chimes in from the kitchen.

“Ha-ha. Tell me, how long have you been keeping that in?”

“Nine months, actually.”

“You’re both comedy geniuses,” Corey deadpans. “What I mean, Apes, is really intimate things. Couples stuff. Cooking together, cleaning together, picking out furniture…”

“No chance of those happening,” I roll my eyes. “Meals get delivered, housekeeping knocks every day at 4:00 P.M., and have you seen the décor here? Let me tell you, it’s like living in the Bat Cave.”

“Really?” Corey muses. “Huh. Maybe I shouldcome over.”

“You’d probably have to swear an oath,” June comments. “In Russian. With a gun.”

“I could get a gun.”

“Rob would divorce you so fast.”

“Yeah, he would,” Corey sighs. “He’s a very militant pacifist. Also, never fuck with a lawyer.”

“Never fuck with a lawyer,” June and I agree.

“Anybody ever tell you you’re like the twins from The Shining? So creepy. I’m gonna go spray myself with holy water.”

As Corey’s steps fade away from the receiver—presumably to do something other than find the nearest church to rob with a plastic bottle—June’s voice grows closer. “Listen up, A. The way I see it, you’re thinking too much about this.”

“Maybe,” I concede. “I don’t know, Jay. I’ve never been in a situationship before!”

“There’s always a first time,” June quips. “And who knows, maybe it’ll lead somewhere else?”

“Did your ears get fried along with the eggs? Your brother was justtelling me not to raise my expectations.”

“So don’t,” June says, like it’s simple. “Go with the flow. By all means, enjoy the perks of your new lodgings.”

“That makes it sound like I’m abusing the gardener.”

“Ooh, do you guys have a gardener?” June perks up, suddenly interested.

“Stop bingingDesperate Housewiveswhile I’m not there. Also, no. We’re literally up in the sky.”

“Boooring.”

“Was there a point somewhere aside from your thirsting after Carlos?”

“One: thirsting after Carlos is always right. Second: relationships evolve. Why not see where this leads?”

“Because it can’t lead anywhere, June,” I sigh. “That’s the whole problem.”

“So what? Doesn’t mean you can’t have fun along the way.”

God, I envy her. I wish I could see life like this: take what’s offered, shrug at what’s not. I was never that kind of person.

For me, every table scrap was a fight.