Page 156 of Cashmere Ruin
“Yes. And you’d lose your army.”
I let out a bitter laugh. “So what? You get what you wanted, but I don’t get what I wanted?” I pull myself up from the couch, back turned to her. “Sure sounds like one hell of a deal.”
“I wanted to bevor, Matvey. That hasn’t happened yet.”
“Forgive me for onlysaving your life, then.”
“You’re not listening.” It’s weird, hearing her like this: not angry, but resigned. Like she’s aged ten years while I wasn’t looking. “I’m telling you that I’m fine with that. I’m willing to make the sacrifice if it means my friend will be happy.”
I stop. For a second, I wonder if I’ve heard wrong.
Because there’s no fucking way, right?
There’s no way Petra Solovyova just said she’ll give up her power for the sake of someone else.
But she did. No matter how many times I replay her words in my head, they’re still the same. “You’re saying beingvordoesn’t matter to you anymore?”
“Are you kidding me?” she bristles. “Of course it does. But April matters more.” She hesitates, words stuck somewhere between her lips and her heart. “I don’t want my happiness to come at the cost of hers. I’m just… not that person anymore.” She walks around the room and plants her feet right in front of me. “What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Are you willing to sacrifice?”
My vengeance. My dream.All my life, that’s all that mattered to me. And now…
Now, I’m being asked to make an impossible choice. “I…”
When nothing else comes out, Petra nods. “See now why April will talk to me and not you?”
Fucking hell. She’s so lucky she’s pregnant. If anyone else had talked to me like that, they wouldn’t have a tongue to clarify what they meant. “I get the feeling you’re about to enlighten me.”
“It’s because you’ve still got one foot out the door,” she explains. “You want to be with April, but you won’t commit. It’s all on your terms—never hers.”
“Iamcommitted.”
“Right. So when are you going to marry her?”
I feel the rage mounting. “I already said?—”
“That now is not a good time,” Petra fills in. “Yes. I heard you. So what’s the plan? Six months from now? A year? Until my father wakes up cold in his bed and yours is buried six feet under? Until May’s going to college?”
“How am I supposed to know?!” I yell.
“Then how is April?!” she yells right back. “How isshesupposed to know, Matvey?”
I open my mouth to answer, but no words come out.
In my mind, the dominoes start falling. One by one, like a fallen pebble slowly turning into an avalanche. Everything starts clicking then: April’s melancholy, her reaction to Tom’s insinuation, her anger. Her tears, stubbornly unshed.
“Good.” Petra nods, watching me like a hawk. “I see the light bulb’s gone off.”
“I despise you.”
“I know.” She smirks. “Doesn’t mean I’m wrong, though.”
Unfortunately, it doesn’t.
“Blyat’,” I massage my temples against a raging headache. “Can’t believe Yuri wants to marry you.”