Page 86 of Cashmere Ruin
And that’s where any disputes are settled.
“Are you sure about this?” Yuri asks, kneeling before me on the changing room floor. He’s bandaging my hands before the fight, but I can’t help noticing that his own are shaking. “Killing Ivan?”
By contrast, mine are perfectly still. “He left me no choice.”
“Maybe you can still work it out. He can apologize formally for the insult, or…”
“Yura.”
My brother looks up from his task. “Yes?”
“If I fall today, the Groza Bratva is yours.”
His face goes as white as a sheet. “Don’t say that. You’ll win.”
“I might not.”
It’s the truth: out of all thevoryto duel, Ivan is the worst possible match for me. I fight with instinct and rage; he fights with calculations and a mind that’s sharper than any blade. I’m strong, but he’s older. I’ve got youth, but he’s got experience.
And if that wasn’t enough, heknowsme. My moves, my tactics, everything.
After all, he was the one to train me.
I want to win. I am going into this towin. But I can’t afford to be reckless. Not against Ivan.
And Yuri knows that, too. “Motya?—”
“But if that happens, make no mistake: I’ll take Ivan down with me. No matter what.”
He shakes his head frantically. “Matvey, let me talk to him. Let me talk to you both. I think I know why he’s so mad. I’ll make things right. I’ll?—”
“No, you won’t. Because this isn’t your doing.”
“Matvey, just listen. Please.”
I squeeze both his shoulders. “I know I’ve been putting a lot on you lately. That was my mistake. I kept holding onto a grudge that didn’t matter anymore, and for that, I’m sorry. I’m sorry it took me so long to see it.”
His eyes are lucid now. Goddammit, what a crybaby brother I’m leaving in command. I’d better win this thing after all.
“You don’t have to apologize,” Yuri rasps. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“But I did. And you’ve been warning me this entire time.”
Don’t alienate thevory; don’t make them mad; don’t lose them.All along, Yuri’s been pointing out my biggest blind spot: not my enemies, but my allies. The ones I should have kept closest.
“I didn’t think it would come to this,” he whispers.
“I know, brother.”
I take off mypakhan’ssignet ring and drop it in Yuri’s waiting palm. We don’t speak another word—we don’t need to. That one gesture says it all.
“What—” he calls after me as I start walking to the ring. “What should I tell April? If…?”
April.I’ve been trying not to think of that. If this truly goes south, I can’t imagine that anyone would be angrier than her. I can almost hear her in my mind:“Losing your life for aPacmandispute? Are you kidding me?”
Somehow, that makes me laugh. Even here, even now, April always manages to bring out the bright side of things. The bright side ofme. Before her, I didn’t think I had it—a part that wasn’t darkness.
“Tell her to take care of our daughter.”