Page 54 of Ash and Roses

Perhaps this is the cruelest curse of all. Opening myself up to that, allowing even the smallest fraction of hope that she might one day feel the same… Hope is dangerous. There’s not much left of my heart to tear to pieces, but I’ve protected what remains of it for five long years. Giving it to her now? That will either save me… or it will destroy me.

I think of the scars on her back and the monster twists inside me. Not because it wants to take over, but because it wants the same retribution for her that I do. I could leave right now and kill everyone in Lunae if I wanted to. I could inflict the same pain she suffered on her so-called father, and I would revel in every second of it. Ten,twentylashes for each and every one of hers. His death would be slow. Even if she begged for his life, I don’t think I would allow the same mercy she showed Morgan today.

I feel a slight tug on the bond that calms me. I don’t think she’d meant to do it—she probably doesn’t yet understand this thing between us.

Abby’s fear is ever present, but it’s only simmering now. I can feel the heat of steam and detect the faintest hint of rose water. Tess has no doubt drawn her a bath and is forcing tea down her throat.

That’s good. They’ll be there for her when I can’t.

How can I face her again? She finally knows the truth of what I am. She may have shown mercy to two people today, but that doesn’t mean she’ll ever forgive me. How can she when I can’t even forgive myself?

CHAPTERTHIRTY

ABBY

Istep out of the bathing room with a towel wrapped tightly around myself, and I feel as if I might fall apart without it. The hollowness inside me has grown, and if it weren’t for the cloth holding me together, I might just turn to ash and float away on the wind.

Tess is waiting for me on the edge of my bed, just as I knew she would be. There’s a small table set up in front of her, topped with tea and a steaming bowl of something else. I move to the bed and bring a heaping mouthful of stew to my lips before she can order me to eat. If there’s a chance food will fill the void within me, I’m not about to argue.

“Has he come back yet?” I ask after two more spoonfuls. The fact that she hasn’t said a word since I exited the tub has me feeling there’s a lot she’d like to say but doesn’t know how to.

“No, he hasn’t. I’m not so sure he will.” There’s a sadness in her eyes that seems so wrong on her usually cheerful face. Tess has been the embodiment of positivity since I arrived, so to see her like this is entirely wrong. How did things get so fucked up?

I yearn to take that sadness away from her, and trip over the words that come flooding out of me in a feeble attempt to reassure her. “But he was human. I mean, he was a wolf, but he changed back. He—”

Tess shushes me and pulls me in close against her. I should be comforting her, not the other way around. “Listen to me,” she says, giving me a small squeeze. “What’s happening with him is new. For the last five years, he’s only been human a week at most out of a month. Usually it’s no more than the three days the full moon changes the rest of us. Until you came along.”

“What’s so special about me?” I don’t understand how my arrival here could have affected the curse so strongly. It seems ever since the monster—Quinn—spared my life, it’s had a rippling effect in the lives of others.

Tess shrugs. “I’ve known Quinn his entire life. From the moment I pulled him from his mother, I’ve watched him grow into the man he is now. He made a mistake, trusted the wrong person, and became that creature. He killed his entire family and at least a hundred more. He lives with that guilt every single moment that he’s human, and so he spent less and less time as such. I was beginning to fear that one day he just wouldn’t change back.”

Her voice cracks and tears well in the corners of her eyes. She loves Quinn deeply, but there’s the faintest glimmer of something else there, too. Her life was altered irrevocably by whatever choices led him to this fate, and no amount of his guilt can change that.

“Don’t you hate him for what he did to you?” I ask, needing to know for myself as much as for her. I could have killed him in the forest, but it would do nothing for his people, nor would it bring anyone back.

“I was angry at first, but hating him would be misdirected. He was cursed, and that curse spread. He punishes himself enough that any ill will from me or anyone else would be a waste. We’re a family as much as we are the remnants of a kingdom.” She takes my hand in hers and holds it tight. “He took the people you love. Your feelings are your own and I won’t shame you if you decide to let anger and hate fill your heart. I just want you to know that, so long as you choose to stay here, you can be part of this family.”

I’d never thought of these people as a family, but it’s the perfect word to describe them. Tess is like a mother to Quinn, and Ruben a father. He’s lucky to have them after losing everyone else. But the rest of the people? Many of them have been nothing but kind to me, but there are others that still seem wary. “Are there others like Morgan?”

Tess seems to understand my meaning. Morgan had other motives, but he and his friends still shared the sentiment that I was a danger to them and their kingdom—their family. Even if I could accept Quinn for what he is, how can I ever expect to feel safe here when I’m so hated by a fraction of his people? Today was a fluke. He won’t always be there to protect me, and I don’t want him to be. I don’t want my safety held entirely in the hands of others. I have two hands of my own.

Tess sighs. “Possibly, but after today, I doubt anyone would even think about harming you. Morgan was a fool for not realizing that Quinn has already claimed you.”

I blanch.“Claimed me?What the fuck does that mean?”

Tess flinches at the harshness of my words, but I can’t bring myself to regret them. Claiming implies ownership, and Quinn most certainly does not own me. If that’s what he thinks, then maybe I made a mistake in the forest.

“Forgive the poor choice of words. It means something different to us than it does to you. You should really drink your tea before it gets cold.”

I ignore her attempt at distraction. “Tell me what it means to you.”

“I’ve said too much already. It wasn’t my place. I thought Quinn would have at least told you something, but it seems he’s still a boy in many ways.”

I pick up the teacup and tip it to my lips. The water is just barely warm now, but the fresh flavours dancing on my tongue have an immediate calming effect. “What’s in this? I feel…”

“Better? Good. Tea is for more than just sipping, dear. It can have medicinal properties as well. I made yours to help with relaxation and pain.”

“I’m not in pain.” Bruises have formed on my knees from my falls and a rock must have nicked my palm, but neither of those injuries can be felt over the depthless void inside me.