Page 58 of Ash and Roses
“Very well. This can be my fault too.” There’s so much sadness behind those words, that I can’t stop myself from joining him on the ground. He seems so small like this, and the furthest thing from a monster.
“I don’t blame you for this. And I don’t blame you for…” I trail off because I’m not ready to say those words, and if I ever do say them, I want to be certain of the truth behind them.
He places a hand against my cheek and runs his thumb down my lips. “Yes, you do.”
“I don’t want to hate you.”
“You should.” The agony in those words squeezes at my heart, and it’s more than just the bond between us. Tess was right when she said that Quinn hates himself enough for everyone. I knew he struggled, but somehow I’d missed just how deep that hatred ran. He may have done some truly horrible things, but is a monster capable of this level of guilt and self-loathing?
I need to get his mind away from that place, so I grasp for any distraction I can find. “Will you burn the bodies?” It’s not the happiest question, but at least it pulls him back.
He laughs once, but not because anything is funny. “No. They get to rot in the woods as nature intended.”
I look down at my hand, empty and no longer covered in blood, but can still picture it. I hear Morgan’s desperate gasps for air and the sound he made when he finally succumbed. The image only dissipates when Quinn slips a tentative hand around mine.
“I have more blood on my hands than you could ever imagine, so believe me when I say that it makes a difference when the life you take is someone who truly deserves it. Don’t let that fucker haunt you.”
I study his face and the absolute honesty that lives there now. “Why did you let me kill him? You were so filled with rage, I thought you were going to rip him apart.” I don’t add the fact that hedidrip one of them apart, and they’d barely touched me.
“It wasn’t easy, and I almost didn’t let you. I got my revenge in the end, though.”
“I’m afraid to ask,” I say, and a smile very nearly breaks on his lips.
“And I’m afraid the truth will upset you.”
“I don’t want you to lie to me anymore. Ever. No matter how horrible it is. If we’re going to be friends, those are my terms.”
“Friends?” He laughs. “Alright,friend. I pissed on him.”
“You…” I study his face for any hint of a joke, but he’s completely serious. A laugh rips through me, and even the shame I feel isn’t powerful enough to stop it.
It must be infectious, because he joins me. “You’re laughing? I thought you’d be disgusted.”
“I am disgusted!” I have to shout the words, otherwise they would have had no hope getting out over the fit of laughter. I can never tell another living soul about this, and I’ll probably have to take it up with the Gods one day, but for now I’ll laugh.
There’s a break in the clouds somewhere above us and a stream of sunlight trickles in through the spaces between the trees offering us some reprieve from the frosty wind. Quinn leans back on his hands and tilts his head so that the sunlight kisses his face. “This is nice,” he says as much to himself as to me. “I never get to feel this.”
“I’m sure you lounge in the sun enough as a wolf.” How easily those words came out surprises me, but I ignore it and focus on his answer.
“Maybe, but I rarely remember it.”
“Start from the beginning. I want to know everything.”
For a moment, I think he won’t tell me, but when he runs a hand through his hair, I know the truth is coming. I wonder if he realizes that he has an honesty tell. “About five years ago, a sorceress came to Rosewood. People rarely ventured this deep into the forest, so having a new face—especially a woman as beautiful as her—was a sight to behold. She said she had things to discuss with my father, but whatever it was, he wouldn’t hear of it. He had her bound and imprisoned.”
“Do you know why?”
Quinn shrugs. “He felt she was a threat, and it turns out he was right.”
“Did she escape?”
When his eyes meet mine, I see nothing but deep regret. “No. I wish I could say she bewitched me into freeing her and taking her to my bed, but that would be a lie. I had a voracious appetite when it came to women. From the instant I saw her, I had to know how she would feel around my cock.” He glances at me, almost ashamed, but I don’t react. I told him I wanted the whole truth in all things, and I meant it.
“Go on.”
“I never found out.” He holds out his wrist to me. I examine it, but can’t see what he’s trying to show me until he points out five small scars, each in the shape of a crescent moon. “When she dug her nails into me, it was as if I could feel a poison run up my arm and then down through the rest of me. I was completely paralyzed while she sat atop me.”
“Did she…?” I don’t know how to ask that question.