Page 63 of His Last Chase
I’d have a wonderful surprise for my songbird when he got back from Rocktoberfest, and it was all coming together in my mind. Now, to pull it off.
“Vegas! It’s great to be back home. How the fuck are you doing tonight?” Chase bellowed into the mic and in typical fan fashion, the crowds’ roar blew the decibel levels sky high. “Bunch of crazy fuckers and we love you for that. Nothing better than playing for a home crowd, so let’s get to it.”
The guys broke into their opening song and the fans were mesmerized. They sang along with Chase and at times were a bit louder than him. My songbird smiled from ear to ear each time they did it. What a high, to have people this enthralled with your music that they knew every word, every nuance and inflection in your voice. By now, I did, too, for the most part and had a great time singing and headbanging along from side stage. Well, headbanging as much as I could without ending up in traction. At one point, Richard laughed so hard henearly fell off the platform we stood on. Cecilia scolded him but the twins giggled.
“Whoop! Whoop!” Seltzer cheered as he swung his sweaty towel around backstage after they were done. “Hella crazy out there tonight.”
“We rocked the shit!” Chase announced.
“I’m so proud of you,” I gave my sweaty songbird a hug.
“So am I.”
Chase froze and turned toward the familiar voice.
“Dad?”
Tentatively, Johnny approached Chase. They stared at each other for a couple of seconds and when they could hold back no longer they flung their arms around each other and cried.
“I can’t believe you’re here. You finally came.” Chase managed to get the words out between sobs.
“I’m so sorry, for everything, Chase. I’m so proud of you.” Long awaited words Chase sought to hear from his father.
David and his family stood beside me, I’m sure we all thought the same thing—stay near in case it went south. We’d pick Chase up and put the broken pieces back together but for now so far, so good.
Fingers and toes crossed it remained that way.
“I love you, Chase. I can’t apologize enough for the silence since your mother died. It was so hard to look at you when all I saw was her. You’re just as beautiful as she was. She had the voice of anangel just like you. I know that doesn’t make up for what I’ve done but I owe you the truth.” I couldn’t imagine the pain Johnny felt from losing the one he loved.
“Why don’t we move this to the dressing room? Feels like a private moment,” Easton suggested to us, and we followed him to the room where he and the Jordans left the three of us. There was no way I was leaving Chase to bear this alone unless he told me otherwise.
“We’ll stay out here,” David said. “This is family time. Johnny, good to see you.” David and Richard nodded and headed in the direction of the rest of the band who had not so subtly watched the opening act, so to speak. Richard and Cecilia were fiercely protective of Chase, and I was thankful for that. They’d held my boy together when he was most broken.
“Dad, why now? After all these years of ignoring me?”
My heart broke for Chase. This wouldn’t be an instant mend between them, Johnny would have to fight to regain his trust. But my boy loved his dad, and they’d find a way to make it work. That I knew without a doubt.
“A little birdie had a come to Chase, so to speak, talk with me.” Chase’s eyes darted at me, but I didn’t acknowledge nor deny Johnny’s statement. Chase and I would have our time to talk later, privatelyat home. “What they said was true and it really hit home. Gave me the kick in the ass I deserved. I’ll spend the rest of my life apologizing to you, Chase, though you deserve better than me.”
“I get it, you lost your wife that day and for that I’m sorry. But I not only lost my mother but the only father I ever knew. I was suffering and you weren’t there for me. Thankfully, David’s family was.” Chase’s angry words hit Johnny like a punch to the gut and he deserved it. Painful as this may be, this was therapeutic for them both.
“I’m thankful for them and I’ll make certain they know that,” Johnny said and I hoped that wasn’t a false promise spewed to sate his son.
“I thought if I got straight As and stayed out of trouble that would make you love me, but it didn’t.” Chase’s words were so low I’d barely heard them, but I knew Johnny had.
“You were a great boy and an even better man. Better than me for sure.”
“Don’t you think I want her back? She was my everything. If I could change one thing in my life it would be to bring her back. But I can’t. Every day I wonder, what if she hadn’t been behind the wheel that day or at that time? Then my mom would still be here. Neither of us can change the past but we can change the future. I waited for you to come to me, waited for you to hold me and tell me everything would be okay, but you never did.”That was the worst part of all of this. Johnny left a child in pain to heal himself. No parent, no adult should ever do that. Children required nurturing and care. Ignoring or abusing them was never the right answer.
At this point Chase was full on bawling and screaming. I nearly went to him, but the timing wasn’t right. He needed that from Johnny, not me. I’d be there for my boy however he required me to be after this.
“Chase, I don’t deserve your love or forgiveness. I know this, but I’d like to try and make it up to you. Please say you’ll give me another chance.”
This was a big decision and one that only Chase could make.
“You’re my father, of course I want you in my life, but if you hurt me again it’s over. I’ve worked hard to get where I am and allowing anything toxic into my life would push me down a path I don’t care to tread. Family or not, ties would be severed in order to save myself.”
My beautiful, brilliant, bold boy.