Page 52 of Perfect Enough
“And did you tell them you were saving yourself?”
Finished chewing, I replied, “No. It never came up. I haven’t dated anyone seriously enough to have the conversation.”
“Wow…I’m just at a loss for words.”
“Is it that hard to believe that a man could be a virgin?”
“No, it’s not. I’m sorry I pressured you into sharing that. I honestly didn’t think that was what you were going to say, but I don’t judge you at all, Josh. As a matter of fact, I think it’s romantic that you’re waiting. I wishIwould have, if I’m being completely honest.”
I watched her as she stared at her plate, moving her eggs around with her fork.
“Did you love the person you were with for your first time?” I asked.
A small smile played at the corners of her mouth. “I thought I did. In truth, I was too young to even know what love was.” Her eyes lifted and met mine. “I envy you, Josh.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because you know your worth, and the worth of that moment when two people come together. I wish I would have known my own worth. I didn’t.” She shrugged. “Or maybe I did, and I just fancied myself in love.” She looked up and asked, “Have you everfeltlike you were in love?”
I thought about her question before slowly shaking my head. “No, I haven’t. I’ve felt desire, and there’s been a time or two when I almost gave in to it. But something always held me back. No, not something; I know what held me back. I couldn’t picture my future with that person, and if I couldn’t picture myself with them for the rest of my life, then I knew I wasn’t in love with them.”
“But do you think you gave the relationship, or relationships, enough time to discover if you could fall in love?”
“I’d like to think I did. Although, to be honest, most women I’ve dated have been after one of two things.”
“Which are?”
“They assume I have money because of who my family is, or they simply like the fact that I’m a firefighter. I want to meet a woman I can just sit and have a real conversation with. Someone who’ll ask me how my day has been or knows that something’s off simply by looking into my eyes. I want aconnection.”
“Do you believe in soul mates?” she asked.
My eyes met hers, and something clicked between us. I wasn’t sure what it was, but the way her eyes darkened, I knew she felt it, too.
“Do I believe there’s one person out there for everyone? Yes. I do.”
Chapter Twelve
SOPHIA
Josh didn’t even think twice about my question before he answered.
“Doyoubelieve there’s a soul mate for each person?” Josh asked.
“I think so. I want to believe there’s one person who was meant for me. I used to think my mother and father were soul mates…but now I’m unsure.”
He frowned slightly. “Why?”
“If they were that connected, would he have done what he did? Wouldn’t he have told her what was wrong?”
Josh thought about that for a few moments before he asked, “Was your father occasionally depressed, or suffering from depression?”
His question caught me off guard. I wasn’t sure why. “Wouldn’t you have to be depressed to kill yourself?” I asked bitterly.
“No. There could be several reasons why a person might take such a drastic action. Helplessness, depression, feeling as if they had no other way out of a particular situation. Guilt.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. Why hadn’t I ever considered all of those things before?
“Sophia?” Josh asked as he reached for my hand. “I’m sorry if I hurt you by making you think about your father.”