Page 80 of Perfect Enough
It was my turn to stand. “Mom, tell me.”
When she stopped walking and faced me, tears fell down her cheeks. “It was guilt.”
“Guilt?” I asked in confusion.
“Oh, God, this is harder than I thought it would be,” she said, with another trembling breath. “I have the note if you want to read it. But in it…he confessed to an affair he’d been having for the last year.”
I dropped back down into my chair when my knees shook.“What?”
She nodded slowly. “I had no idea. And I didn’t think anything about the number of times he went out of town to tour a dance studio, or when he claimed he’d started taking a financial course in the evening. Apparently, he was withher.”
I covered my mouth with my hand. Instinctively I wanted to argue, tell her she was wrong. My father wouldneverdo that to either of us—but when my eyes met hers, I knew she was telling the truth.
“Mom…why didn’t you tell me? I could have helped you deal with that, along with his death!”
She shook her head and replied, “I didn’t want you to think less of your father. I know how close the two of you were. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you. In the note, he did ask for your forgiveness, as well.”
“Now I know why you were so much angrier than me after his death and that’s why you were so angry after what Drake did. I thought it was just part of your grief.”
“It was. Itis, and I’ve been seeing a counselor about that, and she was the one who told me I needed to be honest with you. I’m so sorry, Sophia. Truly, I am.”
I stood and walked around the desk to take my mother into my arms. “Oh, Mom, you have nothing to be sorry for! Nothing at all.”
In that moment, I was so angry at my father for not having the guts to tell us he was having an affair, and that he chose to remove himself from our lives permanently instead of owning up to what he’d done.
She stepped back and wiped the tears from her face. “Not to keep dumping things on you but…I’m going to sell the house as well. I don’t need that giant place when it’s just me. And when I start traveling more, I won’t be there often anyway.”
“I understand completely. You have to do what’s right foryou, Mom.”
“You’re not upset that I’m selling the studio and the house?”
Studying her for a moment, I shook my head. “I’m not. Something inside of me today clicked after reading that email, and I think I want to do something different with my life. I need a break from dance. I’ve been doing this for as long as I can remember and the passion for it is…gone.”
“You don’t want to dance?” she asked, her brows pulled down. “Don’t let one email get you down like that, sweetheart.”
“It’s notjustthe email, Mom. I’ve felt a shift the last few weeks, and after spending the weekend with Josh, I feel like it’s time for a change.”
“A change? For goodness’ sake, you’re only twenty-two, Sophia.”
“And I’ve been dancing for as long as I can remember. I understandyourdesire to make changes. Are you saying you can’t be supportive of mine?”
“I can!” she quickly said. “Iwill. I’ll always support you, but I simply don’t want you making a rash decision.”
“Well, if you’re selling the studio, I’d have to make a change regardless.”
She looked away for a moment, then back to me. “I guess I figured you’d stay on and teach with whoever bought the studio. That is, if that’s something you’d want me to work into the sale.”
Laughing, I said, “So you would make it a part of the sale that they had to employ your daughter? No, Mom, I don’t want you to do that.”
“What will you do?” she asked, worry taking over her face.
I shrugged. “I’ll figure something out.”
“But you don’t have any experience in anything other than dance.”
Rounding my desk, I sat in my chair and nodded. “That’s true, but I think I’m going to look at this as a new beginning. Besides, I’ve been doing our books and running this studio, even when I was in college. Yeah,” I said after a moment. “I can do other things besides dance and teach.”
“How will you afford your apartment if you’re not working?”