Page 18 of A Bossy Roommate
“I’m all ears…?”
“I was just talking to my aunt,” I explain as patiently as I can. “She’s in her sixties and not doing well health-wise. She wants to visit me this weekend so she can meet my new wife.”
“But you don’t have a wife. Wait, do you have a wife? Shit! Did I have sex with a married man? Sweet Jesus, Carter!Great,just perfect. I slept with my married boss. This gets better and better! I swear to God—does your wife know?”
She keeps babbling on and on, asking if I have kids, and all I can think to do is put my hand over her mouth, so I do. “Quiet for like, two seconds, okay? I’m not done explaining.”
She huffs and knocks my hand away. “Fine, keep going.”
“Aunt Eleanor is my only living relative and I’m hers. My uncle passed away years ago and she doesn’t have any children. She lives in France where she moved after she remarried. We talk regularly. She was always hounding me about settling down and getting married. Recently, with her health failing and her second husband passing away, she’s really amped up the nagging, so to get her off my back, I told her I eloped. It was meant as a joke. She was ecstatic and the nagging finally stopped.”
“You invented a wife to get your aunt off your back?”
“No. It was a joke. One that I never cleared up. Hey, she’s a formidable woman. And it sounded like a good idea at the time.”
“Except now she wants to visit.”
“Exactly. That’s where you come in.”
Eden studies me for a moment, her green eyes not as wide but still as piercing. “Couldn’t we just pretend to be married?” she asks. “Why do we have to actually go through with the nuptials?”
“We don’t. We won’t go through with the legal part. We’llpretendto be married?—”
“Oh.”
“—but my aunt is smart. She’s going to want to see photos. Us in wedding outfits. Ring. The whole shebang.”
Her face grows expressionless for a second as I list what’s required. “Isn’t she going to ask for the marriage certificate?”
“What? Nobody wants to see that.”
“Sure? What if she does?”
“I’m not worried about that. Her eyesight isn’t great.”
“Still, this isinsane.” Eden shakes her head, getting to her feet. “Nope. I’m not going to fake marry you so you can continue lying to your elderly aunt.”
“Eden, if I tell her the truth, it’ll devastate her,” I explain. “Her health has been steadily declining over the last few months. If me being married makes her happy and puts her at ease, then so be it.”
“Why the hell should I help you? This morning you wanted nothing to do with me. Must I remind you that you snuck out of my motel room without even leaving a note?”
Damn. She has me there.
“This isn’t about us,” I argue. “But a favor for a favor is only fair.”
“Are you saying that my staying here obligates me to fake marry you?” Eden’s eyes flare with outrage. “Absolutely not, Carter! I’m not going to let you lord this over me. I’ll sleep in my flipping car if I have to.”
She starts to march away, but I stand up and block her path. “Don’t be ridiculous. Sleeping in your car in New York is dangerous. Also, the marriage thing will only be for the weekend. Afterward, everything will go back to the way it’s supposed to be.” I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to hold a headache at bay. “If you do this for me, I’ll make it worth your while. I’ll order dinner for us the entire time you stay here, and…wait,” I say, fishing for my phone.
“And breakfast.”
I look up. Her demand takes me aback for a second. That’s it? Is she really going to accept the deal in exchange for dinner and…breakfast? Her bargaining skills clearly need work. Unless I’ve missed something. She’s either a negotiating rookie, business-un-savvy beyond hope, or really desperate. “Come again?”
“Breakfast and dinner,” Eden corrects. “The only reason I’m staying here is because I can’t afford a motel. I also don’t have money for food and gas. Feed me in addition to giving me shelter, and we have a deal.”
This has to be the easiest deal of my lifetime.
“Done. The kitchen will be fully stocked throughout your stay.” When she looks at me like I’ve saved her life, I decide this isn’t the right moment to be a complete asshole. I unlock my phone and enter a number into the display. “And you get a big bonus if everything goes well.” I turn the phone to her.