Page 114 of Stealing Embers
I want it to be one.
Plop.A cold pile of slush lands on our heads and slides down our faces, forcing us apart. The wet snow—it must have fallen from an overhanging branch—sneaks into the back of my coat and traces frozen fingers of ice down my spine.
The Steel-only bubble bursts and the rest of the world rushes in. And not only the crisp snap of the frosty air on my skin or the pine smell in the air, but the very real memories of how Steel has treated me. The harsh words. The cold shoulder. The way his actions and words have cut me over and over again until I felt lower than low. Even the look on Nova’s face the last time I saw her.
I lurch away from him, a hand held up in front of me to ward him off.
It looks like he’s debating going back in for round two.
“No! You donotget to do that.”
My breath comes out in short pants. My body’s betrayal stings my pride.
I may be embarrassingly inexperienced with guys, but I have enough self-respect to know that I shouldn’t lip-lock with someone who treats me like Steel does. Heartache and low self-esteem are the only outcomes of our toxicity. Loneliness isn’t a good enough excuse. Behavior like this will only drag my self-worth to a new low. Realizing that makes my animosity ramp to a new high.
“You don’t get to do that!” I screech again. The hand suspended in the air between us shakes.
The volume of my words—that or the crazy-eye I’m no doubt sporting—penetrates Steel’s lust-soaked brain. He stops looking at me like I’m a tasty piece of cake and takes a step back.
Something akin to pain washes over his face as his boot sinks into the soft snow. He lifts a hand to rub his forehead, only to drop it a moment later and give his head a violent shake.
“It’s the dream. I’ve been half out of my mind ever since I started having it. I can’t get it out of my head.”
“A dream? You’re blaming your erratic behavior on some nighttime hallucination?” I intend for my words to pack more of a punch, but the curveball Steel just let loose has weakened my resolve. What could his dreams have to do with me?
Fine lines grow at the corners of his eyes and his forehead is ridged with worry lines.
“I didn’t know.” His pleadings make no sense.
“Didn’t know what?”
My tremors have stopped, but they seem to have transferred to Steel. His hand shakes as he shoves it back into his thick hair and fists the strands so tightly the skin pulls at his forehead.
I have an urge to soothe him, but I bury it.
“I didn’t know she was you until that first time. Until you morphed, I thought they were only dreams.”
Whoa.
“You had a dream . . . about me?” The words leave my mouth on a whisper. I’m not sure I want the answer to that question.
“No.” His eyes blink shut. “I didn’t have a dream, I’mhavingdreams. And they won’t go away. And every time I have another, I feel compelled . . .”
I hang on his every word, involuntarily moving a step closer. The wind picks up and hits me like a wave, snapping me out of the trance.
“I don’t think I understand. Compelled to do what?”
“It’s like I’m bound to you, against my will.”
His hands reach forward, but he stops himself and stares down at them as if they don’t belong to him anymore before letting them drop to his sides.
“I don’t have room for this in my life. I can’t—I won’t—let this get in the way of my obligation to my family. I already let them down once. I won’t do it again.”
I stare up at him, reeling from these new revelations, wholly unsure of my feelings on the matter. Unsure of his as well.
Taking a deep breath, Steel fixes his emotional armor back in place. It’s like watching the life drain out of his body while something else—something false—takes its place. Like he’s a cyborg rather than a living, breathing, feeling person.
“Listen, I never wanted you to know about them, okay? Let’s just forget I said anything.”