Page 36 of Between the Lines
“Door open or closed?”
“Closed.”
Claire takes a seat and opens her school-issued laptop. We spend the first chunk of our meeting fine-tuning the mentorship program,the credentials for a student to enter, and how teachers can request a meeting with the team. Once we finally come up for air, I’m proud of what she has helped our building to accomplish in just six short weeks. Despite the fact that I hate being in an administrator’s seat, I am glad that right now, I’m making a difference for students—the reason I got into this profession in the first place.
“I think this is a good stopping point for today,” I say, rolling some of the tension off my shoulders as I sit back from being hunched over my keyboard.
Claire nods. “I can update Lucy later. I’m sure she’ll want to go over what we finalized. If you guys want to make any tweaks, go for it. This is my passion project, but it’s your school.”
“It’s yours, too,” I insist. “Being a substitute doesn’t make you any less valuable.”
“Thanks,” she answers sheepishly. Claire tucks her hair behind her ears to fidget, and my fingers itch to get to do that instead. And just like at the bar, I also itch to keep talking to her.
“Have you ever considered working in the classroom? There are several programs to expedite a teaching license if you already have a degree, and you’re clearly a good fit.”
Sticking to neutral topics allows me to double dip—I get to keep her here, keep her talking to me about her dreams, but within the boundaries of work.
We aren’t technically breaking any rules.
She laughs, this light airy sound that makes my chest expand like a balloon.
“Oh, I don’t ever see myself teaching content. But I…” She inhales, exhales, and when her blue eyes land on mine, I can almost see to the depths of her. “Lucy mentioned social work. I’ve kind of started looking into it. I don’t know. It could be a good fit for me, I think.”
She shrugs, just like she did last night, when she’d so casually decided that putting her needs above her siblings’ wasn’t worthy.
“You would make a fantastic social worker,” I say, with added gusto. Anything to make this girl believe that her potential reaches beyond the cage of her family. “I’m sure Lucy would be a great resource for finding a program. She’s working on her Master’s now.”
Claire nods, and a hint of a smile returns.
“What about you? Why’d you leave teaching?”
Here it is. The red carpet of opportunity rolled out at my feet. The last time, Sam and Aaron had been in my office, offering me a taste of friendship. This time feels different. More significant, somehow. Because Claire Benson is not my friend. She is my subordinate. But then, she’s got her manicured nails slowly digging their way deeper and deeper. The more we toe this line, the more I begin to fear how far I am into the deep end.
So why do I give in? Why do I lean over that line ofboss and employeeand let my chest crack open for her?
“I miss it,” I choke out, fully not expecting the bubble of emotion to swell in my chest and seep into my words. “If I didn’t need the extra income, I don’t think I would have made the jump.”
That admission makes my chest a full ton lighter, but spikes the temperature in this small office up to a thousand. Claire and I have been spilling our secrets left and right, little by little. I can’t find it in myself to want that to end when her eyes are my soft place to land.
“I can see you being that teacher that had high expectations, but that everyone loved. You probably pushed your students to be the best because you knew what they were capable of—and they believed more in themselves because of it.”
I could walk out of this office right now, walk back into the classroom right now, because in a span of a few minutes, this woman has reached into the depths of my soul that I decided to bury the moment I sacrificed my own wants to save what was left of my parents.
“Thankyou.”
It comes out of me in a choked kind of desperation. She nods, then lifts the corners of her smile.
“Of course, you probably didn’t even let them watch movies, right?”
I scoff.
“We watched several documentaries.”
“But you taught American history! You can’t tell me they didn’t at least get to watchLiberty’s Kids. It was a cult classic!”
I shake my head, laughing.Laughing,despite my soul being tugged from my chest and splayed out smoothly with her hands.
The bell rings, and I both loathe and long for it. If I spend any more time here in these free moments with her, I just might free fall without a parachute. And still, as she reaches my office door, I can’t help myself.