Page 84 of Between the Lines
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely. I need my baby fix.”
She passes over the chubby, dark-haired girl, and my body washes in reminiscence. I tuck her to my chest, and she instantly coos, falling prey to the rocking technique that got me through Oliver’s infant years.
“Excuse you? Baby whisperer?” Sam exclaims, until Juliet shushes him. “Can you teach us how to do that?”
He says the rest in a whisper, and I grin at the baby in my arms who is in the pre-sleep-drunk state of smiling. She’ll be out in a matter of minutes.
“Absolutely,” I say quietly, smiling down at Hope.
“She must be going through a sleep regression,” Juliet elaborates.
“I remember when it was like that with Oliver. I was in my junior year of college, and I studied for finals on the floor of his nursery.”
“And you helped raise all five of your siblings?” Lucy asks.
“Mhm.”
“God, I wouldn’t want to have kids anymore after that,” Penelope says, then tips her beer back for a swig.
“Pen!” Juliet exclaims.
“What?! I’m just being honest. Raise five kids that aren’t yours instead of getting to live a normal childhood? I’d be done.”
The sadness that fills my smile isn’t new. But the camaraderie is.
“She’s right. I don’t want kids. I decided a long time ago.” It shouldn’t feel this freeing to admit it, but a weight falls off my chest with my admission, joining the one that had fallen awaywhen I shut my bedroom door at my parents’ house. “I’m pretty content to be the fun aunt.”
Eventually, everyone has to leave. Tomorrow is Friday, after all. We all have to be at work, although, Sam has already admitted that his students will be watching a movie, and Juliet winces as she says that she planned a “flashlight read.” How I wish I could join seventh grade again, just for the day.
I say my last thank you’s, and help Penelope clean up the dinner dishes before we both crash on the living room couch. She lays her head on my shoulder and exhales.
“Welcome home, roomie.”
I can’t help the way that statement makes my heart flutter with anticipation in the same moment that a noose of guilt tightens.
“Hey. This is going to be fun! We can host book club atourplace.”
I nod.
“It just sucks that I have plans this weekend. I’m sorry to leave you here all alone on your first Friday in a new place.”
“No, it might be better this way. You can go have fun with your brother, and I can get settled and not aggravate you.”
When Penelope revealed that Connor had invited her to spend the weekend with him and his dad’s family, I was kind of relieved to get to process this weekend on my own.
“Let’s get one thing straight: You’re not aggravating me. Iwantyou here. For as long as you need, or as long as you’d like to stay.”
Later, in the guest room that is now mine, sleep won’t come, even tucked into the queen-sized, comfy bed that swallows me whole with its downy comforter. I’m scrolling on my phone when it vibrates in my hand.
Nathan
Did everything go alright with the move?
My heart cinches. We haven’t spoken in almost two weeks, effectively calling it quits after that moment in his bed. As the weight of the day settles, I remember our fingers zapping in the doorway to my temporary classroom, and the concern in his eyes, hidden behind his glasses. I decide that I am allowed one moment of guilty pleasure after the day I’ve had.
Claire