Page 97 of One More Chapter

She doesn’t want my apologies, even though they’re waiting on the tip of my tongue in droves to fall on their knees. Instead, I give her my truth, like I had that whole week.

“You were that for me, too.” I swallow, tilting her chin up to look at me again so that she knows my heart was stitching itself to her even then. “I know that I went about it in all of the wrong ways, Pen, but with every doubt I’d been having about myself, you showed me I didn’t need to listen.”

Her aimless little drawings on my chest turn into a squeeze, and her eyes open with sincerity.

“Do you still have them? All of those doubts?”

She’s diverting the conversation in my direction, and while part of me fears it’s a deflection, I also know how heavy that had to be. I’d told her so back on that beach, in not as many words—that I feared the world was swallowing me faster than I could swim, and I didn’t know which buoy to reach for. I swallow the fear of unearthing myself again. If she can be brave enough, I can too.

“I’ve always felt like I was only ever meant to mess up. I didn’t even come into this world because someone wanted me. And I should stop and say that Iloveboth of my parents. They are the greatest human beings I could have asked for, and they never once made me feel like I was a mistake, or like I had forced them to be together. But I still carried that weight. I had a chink in my armor, and then Ian came along and was perfect. He was like their do-over, when round one came as damaged goods.

“So I fell into that role. If things went wrong, oh well! That’s just Anthony. It was easier that way. It got worse as I got older. I used that mindset to justify doing stupid things—cutting class, sneaking booze underage, and being terrible in relationships. My family has kind of expected me to mess up, and I’ve just rolled with it.”

“That’s why you’re hesitant about this assistant principal job,” she finishes for me. “You don’t want to mess it up.”

I shake my head, swallowing the ball of emotion. She gets me. She pegged me on the beach that night, seeing through my bullshit right away.

“You’re not happy. You’re very clearly masking some big insecurity. What are you doing in your life that’s so unfulfilling, Anthony Ellis?”

I’d told her about what was going on at Meadow Ridge, and how I wanted to do big things but didn’t believe in myself. Something about Penelope had me spilling my guts like water down the drain. I don’t know if it’s coincidence or fate smiling down on me, but she utters the same words she had back then right now, lying in my arms.

“You’re going to mess up, Ant. We all do. It’s how you get back up again that determines if you’re meant to do great things. And I think you are.”

She is all I need in this life. I knew it then on that beach at midnight, and I know it now, with her on the horizon of giving me a second chance.

“I think you’re meant for this job. People are always going to buck change, but your change is for the better. If you have the opportunity to take the job—whether here, or at a different school—don’t let anything stand in your way.”

I nod in gratitude, knowing that if I so much as open my mouth, I’m going to be spilling a certain four letter word that willsurely scare her away. She starts to drift off in my arms and then mutters into the crook of my neck.

“You’re only staying in here because of the birds, right?”

“Yeah,” I huff a laugh. “Just the birds, boss. No other reason I’d stay in this very comfy bed, wrapped around the woman I can’t get enough of.”

“You can definitely have too much of me,” she giggles sleepily.

“You won’t hear me complaining.”

I press soft kisses into her temple as she drifts off, and hold onto her until I’m sure her dreams are sweet.

She needs stability in this life. Penelope Barker puts on a tough front, but when all is said and done, she needs a foundation she can trust to stand upon that won’t crumble while she takes on the world. I am determined to be it for her.

after florida

7:18 PM

Anthony

Hey

I get to see you SO SOON!!!

Penelope

You have NO IDEA how excited I am.

Anthony

Not more than I am