Page 29 of From the Ashes
Everything made perfect sense now. The reason I was so weak, why I wasn’t at home, and why my skin looked so pale and lifeless. I’d been sitting in a hospital bed for four months recovering from a car crash without ever knowing that my mother had died less than a foot from me as we tumbled down that mountain. I was furious at the situation, gutted by my loss, and embarrassed that Nix and his family had seen me in this state.
I could feel the meltdown coming on and there was nothing I could do to stop it. The only thing I could do was shout.
“GO AWAY!” I screamed, my throat filling with pain as skin tore from the strain. “GO!”
Nurses streamed into the room, all of them shouting several different orders all at once. One of them ushered the McKeans out of my room while two had to pry Nix away from me.
“Charlie! It’s okay!” he cried, trying to fight his way back to me. “I’mright here!”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. I looked up at the ceiling, hot tears burning my skin as I fought to breathe. “No… no… no…”
“We have to sedate him,” one of the nurses said.
“He just woke up!” Nix cried. “Are you fucking crazy?! Don’t you dare put him back to sleep!”
“You want me to let him kill himself?” the nurse yelled back. She turned to one of the other nurses who was holding a syringe near my IV tube. “Sedate him!”
I looked back at Nix, just as he was about to be taken out of the room. Those green eyes were filled with flames, the passion and care he felt for me doing everything it could to bring us back together again. I stared at him as the syringe was plunged into my IV drip.
“Keep him out,” I said between gasps. “Keep…everyone… out.”
I watched as that fire in Nix’s eyes died. And then, just like before, a familiar darkness overtook me, and I was alone once more.
CHAPTER 11
Charlie
It had been six months since I’d stepped into my own house and despite the dust and the pile of mail on the kitchen table, it looked like I’d been gone for only a day. Everything was in its proper place. Even the spare key was still under the mat, which was great because I had nothing to take home with me from the hospital. Not even clothing. The hospital had to supply me with something to go home in.
The biggest loss, of course, was my opal arrowhead. I’d been wearing it the day we’d gotten in the accident. It was no surprise it was gone though. It was probably crushed against the mountainside as the car rolled down it. Maybe it was for the best though. Having it would’ve reminded me of Phoenix too much anyway.
I pushed him out of my mind. It was better if I didn’t think about him anymore.
Despite all its familiarity, the house had a sepulcher feel about it. The air was stale, the lights were out, the curtains drawn, and although it was in pristine condition, it felt like I’d stepped into an abandonedhouse. I felt a lump rise in my throat as I stepped over the threshold, a cane clutched in my left hand to help me stay upright. Everything was just as my mother had left it. Even hershoeswere still sitting by the door, ready to go when she needed to get the mail or run to the corner store. It was like I’d stepped into the past. But no one was home and there wasnothingI could do to fill that empty house with life once more.
I wascompletelyalone.
Pushing the door closed behind me, I stepped into the kitchen. Ignoring the mail on the table, I went straight to the fridge, expecting it to be an absolute mess. Holding my breath, I pulled open the door. The air whooshed out between my lips as I was met with a sparkling clean white interior. I stood there for a long moment, realizing I’d never seen the inside of my own refrigerator completely empty. Upon further inspection, I found the freezer was also empty, and the cupboard had been cleared of all food items except a few canned goods and some unopened condiments.
And that’s why dishes still sitting in the dish rack next to the sink was so jarring. They were the same ones Mom and I had eaten off of before we headed toward Portland that morning. I remembered her insisting on washing them before we took off for the day. Of course, now they were coated in dust, but nobody had touched them since she had. I reached out a hand, my fingers running over the edge of the plate. Just like everything else in that house, it felt wrong to disturb it. It was just a plate. I knew that. But to know Mom would never touch it again or do dishes or put away groceries or do anything ever again in that kitchen… it made me want to curl up into a tiny ball and die from the grief.
I wiped my eyes, noticing a small, unsealed card sitting on the counter with my name on it. It wasn’t penmanship I recognized, so I grabbed it and pulled it open. Inside was a gift card for the local grocery store and a handwritten card.
We had to throw everything out before it went bad and made a mess. But this should help you get back on your feet.
Love,
-Laura, Ted, and Phoenix
P.S. We know you want to be alone. But we’re always here if you need us. You’re still family.
I wiped the tears away from my cheeks angrily, throwing the card back on the counter. The McKean’s had been in my house.Recentlytoo. I was furious that they insisted on being part of my life even after I’d had them all barred from visiting me in the hospital. Of course, that didn’t stop Phoenix from trying nearly every day at first. But after a while it turned into weekends only, then he just stopped visiting altogether when he realized that I wasn’t going to give in.
If I had anything to say about it, I wouldneversee him again.
It wasn’t that I hated him or his family. In fact, considering all the things they’d done for me while I was in a coma, I should’ve been on my knees thanking them all. But I couldn’t. Not when they’d buried my mother without me. Not when they’d cleaned out my house without asking me. And especially not when I found out that I was permanently damaged from the crash.
The doctors told me it was lucky that I sustained no permanent physical injuries. However, they seemed completely unbothered by the fact that for the past two months, I’d been having night terrors, panic attacks, and straight up stopped breathing a few times because I couldn’t deal with the overwhelming grief of my situation. Eachnight when I went to bed, I dreamed of the crash and woke up screaming. And every morning when I woke up, I was forced to confront the reality that my mother was dead and all my opportunities for a normal life went with her.