Page 47 of From the Ashes
“But you’re still in love with him.”
It wasn’t a question. Ted made his statement with a surprising amount of confidence. I didn’t know where it was coming from or how he could’ve come to such a conclusion.
“No, I’m not. I’m with Tony now.”
“You’re fucking Tony,” Ted corrected. “But you’re in love with Charlie.”
“Charlie isn’t even my friend anymore, Ted! Why do you keep saying that?”
He turned his head to the side. “You don’t even realize what you did, do you?”
Ted’s cryptic questions were really starting to piss me off. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Your book,” Ted replied. “You know the one sitting front and center at every bookstore across America?” His eyes were full of pity. “It’s about Charlie.”
I was too stunned to reply.
“Your mother read it too,” Ted added. “She thinks it’s about Charlie as well. There’s too many similarities for it to be anyone else.”
I wanted to argue desperately. To tell Ted that he was a fucking idiot and wrong about everything ever andhow dare hesuggest something so ludicrous? I wanted to yell, to ask him how he could insinuate such a thing when he knew how badly I’d been hurt by Charlie’s silence. I wanted to chuck my beer can across the garage and smash it through one of the big windows on the far side. I wanted to tell him he waswrong.
But the longer his words echoed in my skull, the more I realized… he wasright.
Opalescent Dreamswas the title of the book and a direct reference to the opal arrowhead I’d given Charlie. Not to mention, the main character wore the arrowhead throughout the entire story, given to him by his best friend. I’d written scenes where the boys kissed at a river and confessed their love to one another. And I’d even written in the death of the love interest’s mother.
However, instead of the two characters being driven apart, they came together to overcome the trauma of their lives and be happy. It was the ending I’d so desperately wished Charlie and I could have had. The first half of the book was all truth, and the second half was a teenage fantasy of romance come to life.
But Ted was right. The book reallywasabout Charlie. And the stupidest fucking thing of all was that I didn’t notice I’d done it until that very moment. Hundreds of thousands of copies of my wishful broken heart were on display all across the country. The embarrassment and self-loathing threatened to consume me, body and soul.
“I… I need to go,” I said, putting my beer down and heading for the door.
“I’m sorry Phoenix. I didn’t mean to–”
But the door slammed behind me, cutting off Ted’s apology as I stomped into the road. The world was dark and Creekside was silent.A glance at my watch told me there was only an hour until midnight. The entire town would be asleep, which I was glad for. I needed some time to think.
Letting my feet carry me, I pulled my hood up and allowed my thoughts to consume me. There was a lot to think about and even more to unpack.
CHAPTER 20
Charlie
The night was cold. It seemed that all that unseasonable warmth had faded with the sun only a couple hours before. Still, I couldn’t force myself to stay in the house any longer. As much as I didn’t like being outside during the day, walking through town at night was incredible. It was so quiet and everyone was gone. The streets were empty and it almost felt like I was wandering through an episode of the Twilight Zone. One where everyone had disappeared overnight, leaving everything just as if they would return any moment.
I could walk through townwithoutmy headphones on, enjoying the sounds of nature calling down from the mountain. Night was always the best time to visit the creek just outside of town too. Something about the water burbling over the rocks created a peaceful ambience that couldn’t be beat by anything I could find online. There I could light my little electric lantern and write in peace. It was the only time I felt like I could truly think. And, as a bonus, I could walk along the creek at night without anyone noticing I was traipsing through their backyard. More than once, I’d been heard and every time I wasmistaken for a deer walking along the banks. So, I kept going that way. At night I could bypass all those pesky rules and fences and just go wherever I wanted to. The freedom was…wonderful.
If there was a time or place that I felt like I no longer needed my meds, it was sitting next to that creek at night. There I could pretend I was normal, that my life wasn’t a mess, and that everything was alright.
So, as I wandered through the maze of backyards and up into the woods, I was just happy to breathe the night air and feel at peace. The terrain wound its way slowly upward as I headed north out of town. The creek switched back and forth, its descent nearly halted in places by dammed up rocks full of twigs and dead leaves. Of course, now that the snow was starting to melt in higher altitudes, it wouldn’t be long before the debris was washed away and people found their backyards flooded. My secret spot would stay dry though. It always did thanks to the high banks in that section of the creek. That’s why I kept my supplies there.
It took me a half hour or so before I finally came to that little clearing. The moon was high in the sky and there wasn’t a cloud to be seen. The trees were mostly naked still, except for the pines, and that allowed the moonlight to reach the forest floor. In fact, just as I was coming up on the clearing, my eye caught a glint at the river’s edge.
Adjusting my destination, I headed for the water. Carefully I slid down the bank and crouched down. Although the entire bed of the creek was made of stones, there was one in particular that was catching the moonlight and reflecting it like a mirror. Without hesitation, I reached in, hissing through my teeth as the nearly frozen water enveloped my skin. Goosebumps erupted all over my arm as I pulled it free. Turning it over I saw that one side was dull and sandy, but the other was shiny like black glass. It was a bit bigger than my palm and looked recently broken, possibly during the thaw in the past couple of weeks. I know I would’ve spotted itbefore had it been there. Either way, I wasn’t going to just leave it in the water. A piece of obsidian that size would make a nice arrowhead.
I scrambled back up the bank and into the clearing once more, heading for the fallen tree just past the ancient fire ring I’d constructed in sixth grade. The ring was completely overgrown with moss and greenery. It was the special place that Nix and I used to come as kids and hang out. It was also the place where we’d shared our first kiss. Since that day, I hadn’t been able to bring myself to start a fire in it. Something about doing it alone just didn’t seem right.
Ignoring the fire ring, I went over to the rotting log on the far side and reached over it. On the other side was a flat stone concealing a small waterproof bag that I kept my journal and supplies in. I pulled the bag out and plopped down on the ground, pulling off my backpack and pressing my back against the log. I took out the small electric lantern and turned it on, propping it up on the log behind me to give me some light. The new piece of obsidian got tucked into my waterproof bag with the leather scraps while the journal came out. Pulling my knees tight to my chest, I flipped the book open, uncapped my pen, and began to write.
March 29th, 2022