Page 8 of From the Ashes
Ten minutes later Nix parked his car on the banks of the creek where we hunted for fossils and gemstones during the summer months. I hopped out with him, going down to the edge and lowering my swollen right hand into the freezing cold water. This time of year, it was all snowmelt and barely above freezing. It numbed the pain immediately and the swelling started to subside. Eventually I was going to need to go to the hospital, but I wasn’t ready to face it alljust yet. Not while thatdisgustingword was still bouncing around my skull.
“You really clocked the shit out of Jordan,” Nix chuckled, plopping down beside me on our favorite sitting boulder. “I didn’t know you had it in you.”
“He can’t call people things like that,” I hissed. “It’s… It’s not okay.”
Nix nodded. “Well, I doubt he’ll be calling anyone anything for a while. I’m sure you knocked one of his damn teeth out at the very least.”
I felt a sudden rush of guilt. “Maybe I shouldn’t have…”
“No,” Nix said, cutting me off. “You did the right thing.” He glanced over at me, his smile widening. “And it was nice of you to stand up for me like that.” Then the smile faded, and he seemed suddenly nervous.
“Nix?” I asked. “What’s wrong?”
He hugged his knees close to his chest, resting his chin between them. His breathing was shallow, and he wouldn’t look me in the eye.
“Nix?”
“Would… Would you hate me if I was… you know… what they said?”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“Because I wouldn’t blame you,” he added. “Lots of people these days don’t like them. It’s all over the news. I even heard some of the teachers talking about how much they thought it was wrong for… you know… guys to like other guys.”
I reached out and took his arm, pulling him off balance and into a tight hug before he could stop me. I ignored the pain in my right hand, squeezing him tight because I needed him to know how I felt.
“You’re my best friend,” I whispered, my face buried in his neck. “Your sexuality was never a factor in that.”
His body relaxed as his arms wrapped around me. “Thank you, Charlie. I… I’ve been terrified to say that out loud for a long time. I thought… I don’t know… that you might not want to be my friend anymore.” He pulled me closer, his lips close to my ear. “You’re the only good thing about this place.” he whispered.
My heart swelled, filling my chest with warmth. I wanted to say a million things to Nix, to assure him he was loved no matter who he chose to sleep with. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him… that I’d thought of him as more than a friend for at least two years now. I wanted to tell him how much I wanted to kiss him. To make him mine.
But I couldn’t risk it. No matter how I felt, I couldn’t tell my best friend that I was in love with him. Because, if he turned me down, I’d be all alone in this tiny town with nobody to talk to or fossil hunt with or share my summers. I wasn’t sure I could face the world without Nix at my side. So, I kept my mouth shut.
Nix pulled away from me, tears in his eyes. He wiped them away with a laugh. “You better get that hand back in the water or it’s gonna swell up like a balloon.”
I nodded, doing as I was told. But I kept my left hand on his, our fingers nearly laced together.
This would have to be enough.
“Charles James Miller!”
My mother yelled my full name the moment I stepped through the door and that was never a good sign. I took a deep breath, knowingNix was probably getting the same treatment back at his house. It had been nearly two hours since we’d skipped school and drove off. I assumed by now that everyone knew what was going on.
Before I could barely get past the front door, my mother came stomping around the corner.
“Where have you been?!” she cried. Her gaze flitted to my swollen bruised hand and her eyes went wide. “Oh my god!”
“It’s fine,” I said, making myself and my voice as small as possible.
“Fine?” she barked. “It’s clearly broken!” She put her hands on her hips, her brows knitted together in frustration. “Do you want to explain to me why you broke your handattackinganother boy at school today?”
I stood there for a long moment, trying to figure out how I wanted to tell her what had happened. There were several things I didn’t want to repeat and secrets about Phoenix that I didn’t want to reveal. Maybe even some secrets about myself. But how could I do that without her figuring it all out?
“I’m waiting, Charles,” she said, putting on her best mom voice. Her shoe tapped on the tile floor, indicating she was losing her patience. Finally, when she could stand it no longer, she started talking again. “Are you just going to stand there andnottell me why you attacked one of your classmates today? Why you and Phoenix McKean ganged up on a boy,brokeone of his molars, and left him bleeding in the grass while you two skipped school?”
“What?!” I baulked. “That’s not what happened!”
She pointed at my broken hand. “That’s all the evidence I need to prove otherwise.” She gave me a good once over. “Unless you care toexplainyourself instead of standing there like a bump on a log that’s just been suspended from school fortwo weeks!”