Page 83 of From the Ashes
“We can just take the SUV,” Tony continued, ignoring my suggestion. “I rented the biggest damn one they had anyway for all the fucking books we had to bring out here. But they’re gone now, so it’ll seat all of us and then some.” He waved for everyone to follow him. “I don’t mind driving. Might as well get some use out of it before it has to go back tomorrow, anyway.”
Patrick and Tyler got up, following him. Nix started to go but stopped as he realized I hadn’t moved from my seat.
“You coming?” he asked, his brows furrowed in concern.
“I… I can’t,” I replied, my stomach twisting into a tight knot.
He stepped close to me, crouching down and putting his hands on my knees. “Is it the car thing? Because of the accident?”
I nodded, feeling stupid and terrified and nauseous all at the same time.
“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” he began. “But the car has been checked by the rental company before we took it to make sure it’s in good condition. And it’s only a two-mile drive through town. We won’t be going up the mountain or even going over thirty-five miles per hour. It’ll be nice and easy.” He reached out, cupping my cheek. “And I’ll be right by your side. I’ll hold your hand the entire way if you want. Or you can stay here. It’s up to you. I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to.”
His gaze connected with mine and we stared at one another for a long moment. I wanted to go with him and the guys. But the idea of getting into a car made me physically ill. However, I didn’t think I’d get another chance to do something so innocent and normal anytime soon. Nix was leaving for Boston tomorrow and I wouldn’t see him for quite a while. As silly as it sounded, I didn’t want to miss a moment with him.
And, if I was being logical, he was completely right. The car wouldn’t be going fast or very far or out into the mountains. As far as getting in a vehicle went, this was about as safe a ride as I could ask for. Besides, what could happen? Creekside went quiet after dinnertime and with the intense heat, everyone was staying inside anyway. The roads would probably be empty.
I swallowed hard, forcing my anxiety down that threatened to consume me. For six years I’d been avoiding every normal thing related to my life before the accident. But I was only twenty-four years old. Did I really think I was going to avoid a vehicle for the rest of my life? Eventually I’d need to go somewhereoutsideof Creekside. And if that day came without my having tried to get better, I’d be in a world of hurt.
Maybe it was best to take the leap now when I had support and friends to help me through it.
“No,” I finally said, shaking my head. “I’ll… I’ll go.”
“Are you sure?” Nix asked, seemingly surprised by my answer. “It’s okay if you don’t. The guys will understand.”
“Ineedto do this, Nix.” I looked up at him, not trying to hide my fear. “I can’t stay trapped in this town and this house for the rest of my life. This fear is never gonna go away if I don’t try to overcome it.”
“I’ll be right by your side the whole way, alright?”
“Okay.”
Nix got to his feet, holding out his hand. “Come on. Let’s go get some ice cream.”
I took his hand, allowing myself to be pulled toward the front door and out into the driveway. There I stood waiting with Patrick, Tyler, and Nix as Tony jogged over to the McKean house and pulled the big SUV around. Everyone piled in and Tony gestured for Nix to join him up front. Instead, he pulled me around to the back and got in first, putting himself in the middle. With my hand in his, I crawled up beside him, shaking the entire way.
“Here’s the seatbelt,” Nix said, pulling the buckle out from between the seats.
I clicked it into place quickly, my heart pounding so hard I assumed everyone could hear it.
“We’re going two miles,” Tony scoffed, ignoring his own seatbelt.
“Safety first,” Nix replied, clicking his own buckle into place.
Everyone else followed suit but Tony, sitting up front alone, insisted on being the odd man out. With a sigh, he typed in the name of the ice cream place on his phone and propped it up on the dash so he could follow the route. He gave no warning as he threw the car into drive and took off down the street.
The SUV lurched and my arms snapped out automatically, bracing myself against the door and the seat with a gasp. My knuckles were white as I gripped the seat, feeling like I was suddenly going to pass out. Tony took the nearest corner a bit fast, all of us rocking in the back of the vehicle.
“Slow the fuck down!” Nix snapped, noticing how terrified I was. “Stop being a fuckin show off!”
Tony let off the gas, his look of surprise reflecting back in the rearview mirror. He opened his mouth to retort, but when he saw me, he snapped it closed. “Sorry,” he muttered, returning his attention to the road.
“Are you okay?” Nix whispered to me, his leg on my thigh.
I just shook my head, the tightness in my chest making it harder and harder to breathe.
“Just look at me,” he said, catching my gaze. “Breathe with me, okay?”
He exaggerated the motions, and I did my best to follow them. With each passing breath, I felt the tightness fade a little more. A minute later, as we came to a stop at a four-way crossing, I no longer felt like Iwas going to pass out. I was still terrified, but not on the verge of unconsciousness.