Page 53 of Where You Are
“That was closest I’ve come to laughing in four years.”
The lame-ass joke I made? Oh, that’s sad.
“Here was this person who seems to be in the same mental boat I am, yet at least making an effort to lighten the moment,” he continues. “I… admired it. For the first time in a long time I saw a tiny speck of hope, and it made me want to take a good look at myself.”
“And did you?” I prod, hesitantly, and he nods. “Did you see anything?”
“Not a damn thing,” he smirks, looking almost human, and a chuckle escapes from me despite myself. I have to admit, this little visit has been a decent distraction.
“So what are you getting at then?”
“I’m saying if you’re up for it, I think I could stand hanging out with you without being an asshole.”
“Well don’t change on my account,” I raise an eyebrow and a corner of my mouth at him. “By all means, be an asshole. I’ll just be one back to you,” I tease, and casually pop a piece of croissant in my mouth.
“Sounds great,” he says, thoughtfully raising his eyebrows. After a moment of silence that’s been considerably more comfortable than the ones we’ve had before, he finally stands. “So, I guess I’ll see you around. I’ve got a tour to do,” he jerks his head towards the boats.
“Have fun, dick,” I say by way of goodbye.
“Later, jerk.”
He turns, and ambles down the sand and I reach down to pick up the piece of glass, taking in its detail. It’s got sharp, rough edges that are evidently capable of hurting someone. But in the middle, it’s smooth, and despite its dark brown color, when you hold it up to the light, you can still see a little bit shining through it.
MATT
“Though my heart is full of doubt
Girl I’m needing you so much
You try to reach out
Yet I can’t feel your touch
You put a million miles between us
Making my heart die each day
You left me,
Yet you won’t go away…”
Sometimes the things that gut you can make for a good song or five. Some might say that writing about someone who hurt you is self-destructive, that you’re giving more of your energy to that person. For me though, it’s been helping me get by. I’m channeling my feelings of the last year into something that will be good for the band, my livelihood. My hope is that fans will hear this song and some will be able to relate.
I’ve gotten one more postcard from Melanie. It’s from the same island as the one before, so she hasn’t moved in several months. There’s no sun drawn on it this time and I hate that I’m wondering why.
I’ve been taking good care of myself; running again, working on music and hanging out with Jack, and spending time with Luna. My house is clean and I’m healthy. On the surface, everything seems good. If I could just stop thinking of Em every minute of every day, I’d be just fine.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Melanie
Over a year ago,a metaphorical hurricane blew into my life demolishing everything joyful in it, completely running it into the ground. I spent months slowly recovering and rebuilding until I had… not what I had before, but at least something that was livable.
Seeing that photo of Matt and a new woman brought on another small storm, not as big as the one before, but enough to blow down a few proverbial trees and break a couple of windows. It caused a back-slide; a setback, and I had to rebuild a little bit again.
Before, I had Sasha’s help, but now I have her and Ben, making the reconstruction on my heart progress more steadily than before. They don’t even know they’re helping.
Ben and I have become something resembling friends. He’s still a sourpuss and I’m one right back to him, but we both seem to enjoy it. We don’t talk about what either of us has been through. We seem to have an unspoken agreement where that’s concerned, and it seems to be suiting us just fine to simply be in the same boat while we’re both pretending we’re not in it.