Page 59 of Where You Are
I didn’t say anything about a job. He’s going on the lie I fed Sarah when I left, and I don’t know of a way to explain it to him without telling him everything. So instead, I pretty much just stand here and take his ranting and offer up a weak, half-sentence here and there. Besides, I deserve it; just not for the reasons he thinks.
“Sarah doesn’t have mom, and so she really wanted her sister around while she’s pregnant, and do you have any idea what Mayzie’s just been through?”
That sets off a small spark.
“Yes! I… saw a news clip…” I trail off, shrinking back. I feel like he’s the dad and I’m an awkward teen.
Dinner doesn’t go any better. Jack’s mood is just as sour as it was outside, especially when he realizes I haven’t told the rest of the family I’m home yet. I make up a lame excuse about needing to catch my breath after the long journey. The truth is, I’ve gone back and forth between deciding whether to tell them or not so many times, in between my groggy moments where I’ve been trying to adjust to the time difference.
After the last year, my appetite still isn’t the greatest, not to mention I’m causing nothing but awkwardness at the table. Without eating much of my meal, I excuse myself and return to the guest room, feeling completely hopeless and defeated.
My reunion with Jack and Mayzie has made one thing clear: It’s time to clean up the mess. No one is going to heal until I do, least of all me.
* * *
Iwake up the next morning, ready to get this show on the road. I’m nervous to see Sarah and my dad, but I’m only hurting them by keeping my return a secret from them. That said, I’m glad I took a day to regroup and get my head on straight. Besides, yesterday was Saturday, and while I need to talk to Mike, there’s not much he can do to help me with his firm not holding hours. But today is the day. I need to talk to him and bring on my sister’s pissy pregnant wrath so that we can move on from it.
Mayzie was sweet enough to let me borrow her car, and I suck up every ounce of courage I can on the way over to Sarah’s. Sarah is the type that would get mad at me for just showing up without calling first, but complain if I called to tell her I was back instead of getting over to her pronto. Since I lose either way, I figured I’d just head over and save myself one of those flustered conversations.
What I’m not prepared for is the emotions that hit me when she opens the front door. I get a look at her swollen belly and her glowing cheeks and my eyes immediately blur with warm tears, my nose stinging from trying not to let them fall. Regret and envy twist inside me with hints of joy and relief mixed in.
“Melanie?!” she cries, and her tears immediately join mine as she reaches for me. My arms go around her as she holds me close and we lean on each other’s shoulders. I let a few tears leak out, but hold on for dear life to the rest of my composure. If I lose it, it will be forever before I recover, and I need to be strong right now.
Like Jack, Sarah’s just happy to have me here and tearing me a new one will have to wait. Her giant stomach is squashed between us, and as soon as she loosens her grip on me, my hands go to either side of it. It’s hard to see it, clad as it is in a white top and through eyes blurred with tears, but I can feel it and it’s unbelievable.
My anger at myself starts to burn inside again. I should’ve found a way to come back sooner, or rather been brave enough to go up against Anthony in the first place, not leaving at all.
“Are you… back?” she asks, and I blink away my tears to look up and see her eyebrows drawn together, a cautious look of hope in her blue eyes.
I let out a shuddery breath, trying not to lose it as I look up at her and nod.
Shockingly, Sarah doesn’t put me through the ringer. Maybe, like me, she’s just too happy that we’re in the same house again that she just wants to be happy for a while. I let her regale me about being pregnant with twins, all the milestones I’ve missed. Mike was happy to see me too and didn’t push for any information, but I could see the relief written all over his face. They show me the nursery together, and Sarah and I make soup and sandwiches for lunch. We call my dad who rushes over, and I try not to crumble all over again when he wraps me in a bear hug and kisses my head.
We end up having a simple dinner of spaghetti and garlic bread, and after the emotional reunion, the dust has settled, bringing the same discomfort I experienced with Jack. My dad is confused and so is Sarah, and I know I’m not helping with my vague answers which are all some form of ‘it was just something I needed to do’.
I’m going to tell everyone when the time is right, but the first one I need to speak to is Mike, who has been respectfully quiet, trying to let me ease in and trust that the answers will come out.
After dinner is finished and my dad leaves, I find Mike in his office. It’s the opportunity I’ve been looking for. I feel like I can only talk to him right now, and he’s the one Ineedto tell. I feel like everyone else in the family needs to forgive me forbeinggone first, before I can ask forgiveness forwhyI was gone. Don’t get me wrong, he means as much to me as the rest of the family, and I know my leaving hurt him just as much as it did everyone else, but Mike compartmentalizes better than the rest of them, and well, he’s the one that Ineedto tell right now. He’s my first step towards getting back something resembling a life.
“Hey Mike, can I talk to you for a second?”
“Yeah, sure. What is it?” Mike sets his legal pad and his drink down, giving me his attention as I turn to shut the door.
“I need your help.”
A combination of confusion and concern immediately settles over his face as he stares at me, silently willing me to continue.
I open my mouth when there’s a tap at the door, followed by Sarah peeking her head in.
“What’s going on?” she asks, looking as confused as Mike. I look from her to Mike, trying to decide what to do. She’s pregnant and emotional, not to mention still torn up and confused at my sudden departure and just as sudden return. But she’s also my sister. And Mike’s wife. I can’t ask him to keep this from her, it’s not fair. I finally reach my hand out to her, and she steps forward curiously but takes it in her own. I give it a squeeze as I take a deep breath and turn back to Mike, my sister unknowingly giving me the strength I need.
“I want to file a complaint… against Anthony Elias Costa.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
September, 2018
Melanie