Page 68 of Where You Are
Biggest weakness.
You.
I’m Melanie’s weakness, I realize, once I’ve pieced together the emotional math.
She loved me.
She cared about Kasey and Luna. She was trying to protect them. She exiled herself to the other side of the world, living in loneliness and heartbreak, putting her entire life on hold, to protect my family.
I should have been thanking God for this woman all along. Instead, I played the selfish victim, refusing to listen to her when she tried to explain to me, caring about no one’s feelings but my own.
“He couldn’t find anything on you, so he went for the closest thing to you he could.”
“Oh my God…” is all I manage to lament out loud, my voice so low and shaky I don’t even recognize it. I have a sudden urge to rearrange Jack’s office and my mind flashes back to when he went nuts on his hotel room. And at that point, we thought Eli was only fucking with his wife.
Somehow, the glass disappears from my hand and my ears barely pick up the sound of it being set down on a nearby surface. I get up and start pacing the room, but I only make it a few times back and forth before I stop at the far wall and press my hands and my forehead against it. I’m trying desperately to rein in the mounting rage, and visualize using it to push this wall down.
Melanie spent over a year exiling herself, sorrowfully missing the people she loved; afraid that if she dared come back, Eli would hit a single button that would make heartache and havoc rain down on my sister and my niece, not to mention her family. That he’d humiliate her and her family without a care. With how closely he had her followed, everything he knew, all that he dug up, of course she believed him capable of ruining us all.
“I want to kill him, Jack,” I express, my voice ominously low and menacing, and still sounding like it belongs to someone else.
“I know,” he says, coming to stand beside me. “So do I. Mayzie had to talk me off the ledge, just like you did for me in New York.” He pauses a moment to let that sink in while I continue to push my red-hot fury into his office wall. “Will you let me do the same for you?”
Eli fucked with Jack’s sister and the love of his life. And now we’re in the same boat. Yet he’s calm. He’s standing before me, and while I can tell his blood is boiling hot through his veins like mine, he’s in control. I finally let out a shuddery breath and subtly nod.
“Take in a deep breath and hold it while you listen to me,” he instructs. Oh yeah, this has Mayzie all over it. Nevertheless, I pull in as deep a breath as I can, feeling it expand my lungs to their limit and hold it in, opening my ears to his words as he speaks clearly and steadily, making sure I get every word.
“Melanie caught a glimpse of the headline, and not only knew she had to come home, but that is was safe for her now. She went to Mike and Detective Morris and got her statement put on file. The officials were already searching through every digital file Eli has, as well as anyone working for him, and sure as shit, they found the videos he was blackmailing her with. Let it out.”
I release the breath with a long whoosh, and while I take a few shorter ones in and out, I realize my hands are no longer pushing into the wall. They and my forehead are now resting against it. Jack gives me a moment to process all the words he just said, before telling me to take another breath in and hold it again.
“Matt, this adds revenge porn and sexual exploitation to the indictment, which means a harsher sentence when he’s convicted. He also convinced Melanie to sue for emotional damages.”
Emotional damages. That’s what he did to her. But then I… I went to her, threw some more shit in the pot and stirred it up real good for her that day.
“Mike is going to work with your sister about the video Eli had. He’s gotten CPS to quietly and quickly investigate Kasey without touching Luna, and Kasey’s been doing so well that he’s confident the worst she’s going to get his possibly having to submit to more frequent drug tests. Walk in the park. Let it out,” Jack orders for me to release my breath again, allowing me to take in a few more before making me hold it again.
“This fucking piece of shit is done for. Even if he does get out of going to jail for the rest of his life, no one is going to even think about working with him again. Anytime someone even Googles the son of a bitch, all that’s going to come up is a long list of sex crime charges. He’s going to spend the rest of his life either behind bars, or just as bad, as a pariah. Don’t you see how this is so much better than killing him? He gets to live in misery the rest of his life instead. Let it out,” Jack finishes, taking a few steps back to give me some space.
I slowly raise my head from the wall, and then just as slowly drop my hands, letting them hang slack at my sides. I look around Jack’s office as if just returning from an out of body experience and reorient myself. He’s got both our tumblers in his hands and he holds mine out to me. I absently take it and return to my seat. I knock back a gulp and the liquid burns a trail of calm down my chest to the pit of my stomach.
“Don’t tell Mayzie I did that,” Jack says sitting beside me and a chuckle erupts out of me, sprinkling another dash of relief over my anger.
“Not a word, I swear,” I promise him as we both let out a laugh. “But holy shit, that does work.”
“I know,” he agrees, lifting his glass to his mouth. “I mean, I still want to kill him…”
“But you’re more in control now,” I nod, finishing my drink. I set the glass down and lock my fingers together as I look at the floor, silently asking it where I go from here.
“Do you love her?” Jack finally asks, his tone somber but with a hint of hope lying underneath it. He doesn’t even address what went on between me and Mel. No questions, besides this one. No laying into me for sleeping with his sister or for not telling him we were together. And I have no barrier up now. I’m completely transparent, and in this moment, we are completely man-to-man.
“So much it hurts,” I respond, my voice low and thick. He slowly closes his eyes and nods, before knocking back another shot.
“That’s all I could want for my family, you know. For my sister; for someone to love her like that, and guard her with his life. A stand-up guy who looks out for everyone he cares about. Someone who values hard work and partnership, takes care of his family… and never fails to let someone know how loved they are.”
Despite the relaxing effect of the booze, his meaning meets its target. I catch every word, and the message between the lines. But so much has happened and so much time has gone by.
“Jack… it’s fucked up, I fucked up,”