Page 4 of Shadow Kissed
For as long as I can remember, Mayla has hated and tormented me. I hate her almost as much as I hate the Shadow Borne.
Itake a steadying breath as I look at my reflection in the mirror. I’ve shaved everywhere and spent extra time scrubbing my skin to ensure I smell fresh. I pull the cloak closer around me, hiding my naked body beneath it.
“You can do this, Reya. Just go for what you want,” I say, giving myself a pep-talk. I am meeting Arkynn on the great hall roof. It’s our spot. Ever since we were kids, we’ve met on that roof on our birthdays, and we look for shooting stars to make a birthday wish upon. This will be the last birthday we will do this together. I will leave here soon and Arkynn will join the Shadow Borne Army of Asen’s who fight for them.
I dash out into the night, before I lose my nerve, and weave my way through the streets towards the hall. I grip onto the cloak, aware that it would only take a slight breeze for me to end up flashing my bits to the good folk of our town. I walk around the back of the hall and, reaching for the first rung of the rickety metal fire escape, I climb the three flights to the roof. I pause atthe top when I find Arkynn already here. He lies on his back on a woollen blanket, hands behind his head, gazing at the stars.
“Happy Birthday, Reya,” he says without even looking my way. He always knows when I’m present. I’ve tried and failed many times to sneak up on him.
“Don’t remind me,” I growl, as I walk across the roof and take a seat beside him. He looks up at me and grins.
“Present time,” Arkynn announces, sitting up and folding his legs under him. He holds out a small parcel in a hessian bag, tied with red rope. His blue eyes sparkle with excitement.
I can’t help the grin that spreads across my face. All day, I’ve been wondering what he could have got me. I grab the bag from his hand, and he chuckles at my enthusiasm. I undo the rope and pull them loose to open the bag and stick my hand inside. My eyes widen when I pull out the gift and stare down at it in my open palms.
“Do you like it?” he asks, uncertainty lacing his voice.
In awe, I gaze up at him, then down at the object in my hands. “Like it? Arkynn, it’s beautiful.”
My gift is a small silver dagger. The handle of the dagger, adorned with silver leaves and vines, showcases a large round amethyst in the centre of the hilt. It’s beautiful and a perfect gift.
“It’s small enough for you to hide it in your boots or under all those fancy dresses they’ll dress you in when you get to Shadow Valley.”
My smile drops when he mentions the valley. “It’s the best present anyone has ever given me,” I tell him, my eyes filling with tears. I don’t cry. I haven’t cried for years. Crying is for weak folk. I throw my arms around his neck, and he laughs as he steadies himself on his hand.
“I’m glad you like it. What do you get for the girl who is so unlike all the other girls in this town?”
I lean away so I can look him in the eye. “No one knows me better than you do, Arkynn. You see all of me.” I take a steadying breath and stand to my feet in front of him. “Which is why I choose you,” I announce as I reach for the ties on my cloak and clumsily undo them, my confidence waning. Arkynn looks up at me, puzzled. With shaky hands, I pull it apart and let it drop to the floor around my feet. The cool night air nips at my naked flesh.
Arkynn’s eyes widen as his eyes slowly move down my body, taking in my naked form. “Reya, what are you doing?” he asks, his voice barely a whisper.
I wring my hands together, feeling extremely self-conscious as I stand as naked as the day I was born, in front of my best friend. “I’m twenty years old and no one has ever kissed me. I don’t want to go to the Shadow Valley, having never lain with a man.”
Arkynn shakes his head as if shaking some sense into himself. He jumps to his feet and, looking at anything but me, scoops up my cloak and holds it out to me. “Cover yourself,” he hisses. “Gods, Reya. What are you thinking? I can’t bed you.”
He can’t even look at me. Am I that repulsive to him? My heart shatters at his reaction. Mayla is right and I’m just too ugly, even for my best friend.
“Arkynn, I want you to be my first. I don’t want to go there as a virgin. There’s no one else I’d feel safe with.” All my confidence has fled, and my voice shakes nervously.
He mutters something under his breath and, keeping his eyes anywhere but on my naked form, he drapes the cloak over my shoulders and pulls the two sides together. When he’s confident I’m covered up, he faces me and ties the rope together. “You know why no one will touch you, Reya, and it isn’t because you’re not beautiful. You must remain pure for the reaping.”
“Why?” I demand, stepping closer to him and daring him to look away from me. “Why do I have to stay pure? No one knows what becomes of the Shadow Kissed. So, why then do I have to remain a virgin?”
Arkynn sighs and runs a hand through his unruly sandy brown hair. “How can we get you on the inside if they refuse to take you because you aren’t pure?”
I take a step back as if he’s slapped me and stare at him open-mouthed. “That’s all you have to say. Do you know how much courage it took me to come here tonight and offer myself to you? Do you want me to beg, Arkynn? Is that what it will take?”
Sighing, he reaches for me, and I take another step back. “Save your sanctimonious excuses. You’ll bed anything in a skirt. Half the girls in Terleigh will vouch for that, but me, the person who knows you better than anyone, isn’t good enough.”
“That’s not it,” he protests, reaching out and grabbing my wrists. I feel like someone has sliced my poor heart in half. “I won’t do it, because you’re too good, Reya. You’re too good for me or any man here. You are special. You have a higher purpose.”
“Well, lucky me, huh!” I wrench my hands from his hold. “I never wanted this. I simply long for a normal life. Mother Crystal! These rebels have brainwashed you!”
Arkynn shakes his head at me. “How can you say that when the gods chose you for this?”
I snicker as I take another step away from him. I never want to see this rooftop ever again. “The gods can go to hell for all I care.” I turn on my heels and run for the ladder. From behind me, I hear Arkynn call after me, but he doesn’t follow. He doesn’t chase me down like I hoped. He doesn’t pin me against the wall and tell me he’s dreamed of making me his. No. Because Arkynn has never wanted me like I want him. I’m such a stupid fool.
I walk aimlessly through town as my heart breaks. I feel like such an idiot. How will I ever look him in the eyes again without feeling shame and humiliation? As I enter the house, I pray that my mother is asleep or busy in her workshop because I can’t face her right now. She’ll take one look at me and know I’m upset. I breathe a sigh of relief when I open the door and find the place empty. The large fire burns brightly, heating the room and providing light. I head straight for my room and, yanking off my cloak I throw it down on the floor before I turn and examine my naked body in the crystal glass. What is wrong with me? I have ample breasts and a small waist. I have a slight shape to my hips, and my buttocks are round and pert. Why does he not want me? Unable to stand the sight of myself any longer, I stomp over to my bed and climb in and pulling the covers up to my neck. What a birthday!