Page 171 of Forget
“Mmhmm. Somehow, I got it into my head that my father signed off on it,” I say. “They said something that made me believe he gave me to them.”
“How did that feel?” Dr. Alys whispers.
“Like I was being abandoned and tricked,” I whisper back. Moisture collects behind my eyes and I attempt to hold the tears back. It’s too soon to cry. “I refused to talk to him, and retreated from everyone but Wren and Pack Mohan. Mostly because they wouldn’t let me.”
“There’s this heaviness in you that I haven’t seen before, Aisling,” Dr. Alys says. “What is it? Did you get things patched up with your dad?”
“I did, actually,” I say, shifting in my seat. I wore a skirt for the first time in what feels like ages. Anyone else would have thought that it was because it’s so cold, but the truth is I didn’t have the energy to put on so many layers.
Pants were easier.
“We talked two days ago, and had a really good conversation,” I explain. “Most of it was miscommunication. He explained how while he knew Aiden was my scent match, he didn’t know how else to help me. Aiden snuck into my closet at Dad’s during one of my sedated heats, one where the medication wasn’t working as well.”
“So your dad knew the next one would have had you searching for him since you had his scent,” Dr. Alys guesses as I nod.
“I asked Shaw for suppressants for my last heat, but I doubt it’ll work again. No one is that lucky,” I sigh. “Even then, Evan helped me through it with some toys. He interrupted me while using them and it threw off my headspace.”
“You’ve had a busy month and a half,” she murmurs. “So how do you feel about everything now?”
“Confused and hurt,” I say. “They’ve decided one of them will be with me at all times. Aiden spent most of the day waiting outside ofOmega’s Havenwhile I worked, and he was angry when I got out. I actually thought he’d left me.”
“Why would he have any reason to be angry?”
“Gabriel teaches self defense classes in the warehouse section of the building, and we’re friendly,” I say. “I laughed at something he said, and then said goodbye. Apparently, I’ve been mopey and listless when I’m around them. Since I was already walking, I figured I’d continue up to the main road and call for a rideshare to get home.”
“You really thought he left you?” she asks.
“He’d been really fucking moody, and I had been a brat all day. It was my defense mechanism to deal with our close proximity in the car together,” I say. “He smells so fucking good, and I don’t want to be the girl who is ruled by her vagina.”
Dr. Alys’ lips twitch, though she nods. “I can understand that,” she says. “So what was happening?”
“He wanted me to say his first name,” I whisper, remembering how annoyed he was and I gasp in a breath. “Aiden grabbed my arm as I was walking past an alley, and yanked me in. I didn’t know who it was immediately, so I started to attack him.”
“With your muscle memory from earlier, I can see why,” Dr. Alys says as I nod.
“Aiden threw my knife away, shoved me face first into the wall, and that’s where I don’t know how I feel,” I rasp. Tears begin to slide down my face and I shrug weakly.
“He did things to my body that I enjoyed, even though I didn’t want to. I told him to stop, but he refused to. Aiden said the most filthy things to me, and my body responded. I know what I would say if it wasn’t me who went through it but…”
“You’re the only one who matters in this conversation right now,” she says softly.
“It felt like I was in over my head, having a conversation with my body I didn’t understand,” I say, hiccuping a sob. “Why did I want it? Why wouldn’t he stop? It was like hate sex gone wrong.”
Dr. Alys sits in witness as I break apart, my eyes dropping to the new bright yellow rug she has in her office. Forcing air through my lungs, I shake my head.
“I sat in the car the entire way back to the house with cum running down my leg, wondering if I was the problem. Maybe I’m too inexperienced, or maybe I was supposed to like it,” I whisper.
“The rest of the pack watched me walk up to my nest, and they could smell him on me. They beat the shit out of him. Aiden expresses his feelings through rough and dominant sex, but…”
“You’re not them, you’re you,” Dr. Alys says, and it makes perfect sense to me somehow. “They’ve been in a relationship for years. That’s a pattern they’ve established with rough sex. You have a different type of relationship because it’s newer. None of this has been negotiated between the two of you beforehand.”
“I don’t renegotiate terms,”he said. Did he think I had somehow agreed to rough sex with how bratty I was being?
“And that’s where it gets confusing,” I sigh, brushing tears away. “I think he thought we were negotiating terms, but I didn’t understand that. I was being a brat, refusing to say his name, and then the next moment I was being spanked with a belt and my arms were being bound behind my back.”
Glancing up to see if she thought I was crazy, I just see her gazing compassionately at me.
“He fucked up by not discussing what it all meant,” Dr. Alys says. “It rides so close to the edge to rape, the only one who can tell if it was or not is you.”