Page 16 of Heal Me One Night
“Mommy! Grandpa took me to the fair. I rode all the rides–well, the ones I was tall enough for. Then he won me a bear, and I ate corn dogs and cotton candy. I wanted a funnel cake, but Ava said no or I’d puke.”
“Ava’s a smart lady. Remind me to thank her,” I say, carrying her back inside while she’s wrapped herself around me like a koala. In the living room, Dad and Ava are on the couch, there are toys everywhere. Some random kid show is blaring from the TV and they both look happy as clams. “You two look pleased with yourselves.”
“She’s been spoiled, filled with junk food, revved up on sugar and adrenaline,” Dad says. “And now she’s going home with you. Damn right I’m pleased with myself.”
I put Karli down. “Go pack up your stuff, kiddo. I need to talk to Dad for a minute.”
“Don’t yell at him. I didn’t eat all the cotton candy. I shared,” Karli says, pouting and wagging her finger at me.
“I’m not gonna yell at him. In fact, what I need to talk to your grandpa about is for me. It’s got nothing to do with you, sweetie. Just pack and then finish watching your show with Ava, okay?”
When Karli’s taken off up the stairs, Dad just gets up from the couch and heads toward the sliding door that opens onto the small deck. I follow him out and drop into one of the wicker chairs covered with over-stuffed cushions.
“Is this about Dakota?” he asks.
“Partly,” I tell him. “He said his new girlfriend doesn’t feel right about having his kids with other women around her babies.”
“What’s his excuse been for the rest of the time?”
And that’s the part that bugs the shit out of me. Time and distance bring clarity to a lot of things. Dakota has made excuse after excuse about being a reliable parent to Karli from day one. His M.O. has always been to lay the blame elsewhere. He got drunk and wrecked my car and that was because my car was a piece of shit and I should have had a better one. He called into work three days in a row, back when he bothered having a day job, and got fired. But it was because the manager had it out for him.
“I know it’s an excuse. But in the past, it’s always been him putting her off. I’ll get her next week. I’ll pay the child support next month. Yada yada yada. But this didn’t feel like him putting her off, Dad. This felt very much like him just walking away for good.” I pause and take a breath. “It felt like my last conversation with Mom before she left, when she told me to be good and do what you said and then just walked out. He’s pretty much done with Karli.”
A word escapes my dad that makes me do a double take. “That’s a new one from you.”
“It’s appropriate to the situation... the little fuck. If I get my hands on him–.”
“You won’t do anything because he’s not worth it and it wouldn’t help Karli or me. No one is better at compartmentalizing that shit than you... that’s kind of why I need to talk to you. I’ve been seeing someone.”
He nods. “The doctor.”
“How’d you know?”
He rolls his eyes at me. “Do I need to remind you just how small Bellehaven is?”
“Point taken... Dad, I think I fucked this up royally. He’s not Dakota. I know he isn’t.”
“I should say not. He was smart enough and ambitious enough to get his ass through med school.”
“Another fair point. I got spooked. I got spooked, and walked away from it because I was too afraid to take a chance.”
Dad sighs and leans back on the deck railing. It’s solid because he just rebuilt it. “Is he gone? Like physically gone.”
“No.”
“Has he called or texted?”
“Yeah.”
Dad shakes his head. “Then he’s not gone, baby. He’s waiting. He’s giving you a chance to figure shit out.”
I know that. But knowing it and feeling it are different. “And what happens if I get spooked again? It’s not fair to him.”
“Britt, honey, I’ve been telling you since you were a little girl that life isn’t fair. This man deals with life and death on a daily basis. I’m pretty sure he understands that.”
And that’s all I needed. Some of Dad’s ultra practical wisdom. I get up and walk over to him, hugging him tight. “You know, you’re pretty good at this dad shit. Maybe you and Ava ought to think about giving that a shot.”
“So Karli can have an aunt or uncle that she babysits?” he asks with a laugh.