Page 15 of Madden

"He loves you." She interrupts. "Completely adores you. I don't know what he would do if you weren't a part of his life. He's counting on you, and that would be another person who has abandoned him when he needed it the most. You're doing the best you can for him, and I think that's enough for now."

"I hope you're right." I worry about everything, which I didn't do before. Sometimes at night, I lay awake thinking about all the things that could go wrong. When I get into a doom spiral, the only thing that takes my mind off of it is going onto Facebook and watching those MadDog videos. I shouldn't count on them the way I do, but it's the best I can do with what I have.

"I know I'm right. Any time you need me to stay with Mick, just let me know. I want you to live the life you were trying to live before this all changed. Anything I can do to help you, I will."

Getting up from where I'm sitting, I go over and put my arms around her, hugging her tightly. "I love you. I appreciate you and thank you for doing this with me. You didn't have to."

"I didn't, but you're my cousin. We've been as close as sisters our entire life, and I couldn't deal with you shouldering all of this on your own. Trey's been a pain in the ass since we were kids, and he forced you into a situation that you never asked for." She presses her lips together. "Your parents should be here, but I think we both know that they're never going to forgive him, and ‌they're going to punish you."

I've had to come to grips with that. "I know."

"It's not fair, and I won't let you do all this on your own. I refuse."

Giving her a smile, I hug her again. "I love you, and I'm so lucky to have you."

"We're lucky to have each other."

When we get donegossiping about the night I've had, I head back to my bedroom. Laying back on the bed, I grin, kicking my feet. Inhaling deeply, I smell Madden. His cologne is on my shirt. This makes me never want to wash it again.

I'm tired, but wired. This is probably going to be one of those nights where I'm not able to turn my brain off. Getting up, I walk to my bathroom, do my skincare routine, and change into my pajamas before coming back into the bedroom. Pulling down the covers, I slide in between them and instinctively grab my phone. It's a habit at this point.

The first thing I see when I scroll is MadDog.

"He's so damn hot." I whisper, grinning at the new video. This time, though, I feel guilty after the night I've had with Madden. Should I be watching this eye-candy if I'm trying to have a relationship with another man?

Life as I know it has gotten a lot more complicated, but it's better than constantly being on edge. I close my eyes and hope like hell I can get some sleep tonight.

"Havea good day at school today, yeah?" I look over at Mick. "If you have any problems, you know you can call me, right?" Surprisingly, I was able to sleep. We got up, got everything together, and now I'm dropping him off at school before I head in for the day shift.

"I know, but I'd rather stay at school. I'm supposed to be learning, and I can't do that if I'm not here."

Why is he so damn responsible? It's as if he doesn't understand it's okay to not have it together all the time. "You'll figure it out, Mick. You don't have to be everything to everyone, including yourself. Sometimes we need help to figure our feelings out. It doesn't make you weak because you need that."

"I can talk to Madden?" He questions.

It hurts that he's asking about someone new, instead of me. I'm trying to understand that he might be more comfortable with a man. "You can, and if I need to be informed about what's happening, he can let me know. We're both here for you."

"I know. There he is." He points to Madden, who is standing at the entrance with Donut. "Do you think it's okay if I sayhito him?"

"I think he would love it if you talk to him before you go in. Have a good day, Mick."

"You too."

With those words, he grabs his book-bag, and he's out the door. I say a little prayer that he doesn't have a day like he had yesterday.

CHAPTER 11

MADDEN

Workingat the school has made my days different from what they used to be. When I was working a regular shift, there would be down time regularly and I could upload my videos on a schedule. I haven't been able to do that since I started this shift.

I watch as Becca pulls up to the car rider line with Mick. They talk for a few minutes, and then Mick gets out, while Becca waves at him. This kid looks sad all the damn time. I see myself so much in him, and I don't know how to handle that. I want to make everything better, but ‌I know he's going to have to do a lot of the work himself. He walks toward me, and I expect him to walk right past me, but it's a surprise when he comes over to give me a high-five.

"Morning, Madden. Can I pet Donut again?" He says the words clearly and without any bit of hesitation. I love to hear it.

"Sure, you can always pet him, as long as he isn't working." Donut looks up at me, almost as if he's asking if it's okay for him to lean into the attention. I nod and give him a hand signal, which he recognizes immediately. He goes down on all fours and lifts his head up.

Mick laughs. "He's ready, huh?"