Page 61 of Expose on the Ice

CARTER

My mind is reeling as I stare at Lily. The sincerity in her eyes, the tremor in her voice – it all hits me like a puck to the head. It’s further confirmation she hadn’t betrayed me, no matter how her notes had ended up in the story. And here I am, feeling like the world’s biggest jerk for how I’d treated her.

"Lily, I— I start, but the words catch in my throat.

How can I even begin to apologize?

The elevator feels impossibly small, Lily’s presence overwhelming my senses. The scent of her perfume, the way her green eyes search my face, it’s all too much. I’d spent so long building walls, keeping everyone at arm’s length. But right now, those walls are crumbling.

"I’m sorry," I blurt out. "For accusing you, for pushing you away. I just… I’ve been carrying this weight for so long."

Lily’s hand reaches out, hesitating for a moment before gently touching my arm. "Carter, you can talk to me. If you’d like to, I mean. Off the record. And, this time, I won’t write it down."

And just like that, the dam breaks.

"It was my fault," I whisper, the words I’d never spoken aloud finally escaping. "Sarah’s death. The accident. All of it."

Lily’s eyes widen, but she doesn’t interrupt. She just listens, her presence a silent comfort.

"We argued that night," I continue, the memories flooding back. "I was drunk, far too drunk to drive. But I insisted. Sarah tried to take the keys, but I… I pushed her away. I told her she could come with me, or walk home. We got in the car, and I…" My voice cracks. "I lost control. The next thing I knew, we were upside down, and Sarah wasn’t moving."

Lily’s hand tightens on my arm, grounding me.

"My parents, they… they covered it up and said my dad was driving. The local cops, my agent, they all helped make it go away. To protect my career." I laugh bitterly. "Some career, built on my sister’s death. But a million goals could never atone for what I did that night, and a million Stanley Cups couldn’t fill the hole inside me."

I meet Lily’s gaze, expecting to see disgust or judgment. Instead, I see only compassion.

"I’ve been living with this guilt for years," I admit. "Pushing everyone away, terrified that if anyone got too close, they’d see the truth. That I’m responsible for Sarah’s death."

Lily shakes her head. "Carter, it was a terrible accident. You were young, and?—

"And irresponsible," I finish. "But that doesn’t change what happened."

"I know," she says softly.

I take a deep breath, gathering my courage. "Being around you... it makes me want to try to move forward. But I don’t know if I can, or if I deserve to."

Lily’s eyes widen, a mix of emotions flashing across her face.

I reach out, hitting the button to restart the elevator. As it lurches into motion, I turn back to Lily.

"I can’t keep holding this in," I say, my heart pounding. "If what I’ve told you ends up in the paper, I’ll understand. But if it doesn’t... maybe we could... try to figure things out. I don’t know."

The elevator doors slide open, revealing the parking garage. Before Lily can respond, I step out, my emotions threatening to overwhelm me. I’d laid it all out there – my darkest secret, my conflicted feelings.

Now, all I can do is wait and see what she’ll do with that information.

CHAPTER 24

CARTER

My mind a whirlwind of conflicting emotions as I pace the length of my apartment. The city lights twinkle beyond my window, a stark contrast to the darkness I feel inside. I stop at the window, staring out at the Omaha skyline without really seeing it. My reflection stares back at me.

And, for a moment, I swear I see Sarah’s face superimposed over mine.

My little sister, forever frozen at eighteen.

I’d lied to the rest of the press, stuck to the story we’d concocted all those years ago. But with Lily… I’d spilled my guts like some lovesick teenager. The truth I’d been carrying for years is out there now, the same truth I’d just lied about to a room full of reporters. It’s like a grenade with its pin pulled.