Page 88 of Expose on the Ice
No contact.
No explanation.
Nothing.
After everything we’d shared – mind, body and spirit – and after I’d finally let someone in, she’s walked away without a backward glance the minute it got hard. All that talk about doing it together, all the shared moments, for nothing.
I feel like such an idiot.
I’d believed we could face this together. But in the end, I should have known better. Being alone had kept me safe for years, and straying from that has ruined my life. My fist connects with the locker door. The sharp pain is almost a relief, something tangible to focus on besides the ache in my chest.
"Idiot!" I growl, cradling my hand against my chest. Stupid move. The last thing I need is an injury on top of everything else.
I grab my phone, scrolling through the endless notifications. Missed calls from my agent, another voicemail from the detective handling the case. I ignore them all, my thumb hovering over Lily’s name in my contacts.
I should delete it. Erase every trace of her from my life, like she’s so easily done to me. But I can’t do it. Pathetic as it is, some small part of me still hopes she’ll reach out, explain why she left, tell me it has all been a mistake.
"Get it together, Knox," I mutter, shoving the phone back into my bag.
I can’t keep doing this to myself. I have to focus on salvaging what’s left of my career, on keeping myself out of prison, on being there for my family. I can’t let myself be dragged down by thoughts of what might have been.
But as I finally stand to face the media circus waiting outside, I can’t shake the image of Lily’s smile, the warmth of her touch, and the memory of how it felt to finally let someone see me, therealme, and love me for it.
At least for a minute.
LILY
I stare at the ceiling, sprawled across my bed in a tangle of unwashed sheets. The setting sun casts long shadows across my room, matching my mood perfectly. I’ve been holed up in here for days, ignoring Jess’s attempts to coax me out.
A soft knock on the door breaks the silence. "Lil? You alive in there?"
I sigh, debating whether to answer. But the concern in Jess’s voice tugs at me. She’s my oldest friend, always there for me, and vice versa. No matter what’s going on, it’s a dick move to hide from her forever. Especially when I’ve decided to move away.
"Come in," I finally croak, my voice rusty from disuse.
The door creaks open, and Jess pokes her head in. "When’s the last time you opened a window?"
I shrug, not bothering to move as she crosses the room and throws open the curtains and then the window. Fresh air rushesin, carrying the scent of rain, which is a suitable match for my mood, although some thunder and lightning wouldn’t go astray.
"Alright, spill," Jess says, perching on the edge of my bed. "What’s going on with you?"
The floodgates open. Everything I’ve been bottling up comes pouring out – my frustration at Frank’s manipulation, the fear of causing more damage to Carter’s life, the crushing weight of feeling powerless and alone.
"I thought I was doing the right thing," I say, my voice cracking. "Keeping my distance to protect him. But it feels like I’m suffocating."
Jess listens, her brow furrowed with concern. When I finally fall silent, she asks the question I’ve been dreading. "Have you talked to Carter about it?"
"No," I whisper. "I can’t. Frank threatened to make it look like Carter and the rest of the team were involved in some criminal conspiracy to blackmail him and cover up the story."
"But Lil," she says softly, trying to soothe me. "Carter deserves to know why you disappeared. He must be going through hell…."
I squeeze my eyes shut, fighting back tears. "I know. But what if reaching out makes things worse? What if Frank follows through on his threat?"
"What if he doesn’t? What if you’re both suffering for nothing?" Jess counters. "And, even if Frankdoesdrop another bomb, doesn’t Carter have the right to choose?"
I have no answer for that.
Jess gives my hand a squeeze before standing up. "Just… think about it, okay? You don’t have to go through this alone."