Page 33 of Hey Girl
“The fuck?” He greets gruffly, his voice full of disdain. Asshat.
“Nice to see you too.” I reach for the cup of java that’s surely been doctored with flavored creamer and a mountain of whipped cream if Mayzie knows me at all.
“What do you want?” He grumbles as he shuffles to the coffee pot.
“Jack!” Mayzie gives him an admonishing look that makes him immediately wave a hand towards me.
“Have you seen this asshole when we wake him up before noon? It’s like waking a coked-out wolverine.”
“He has a point, Mayzie. But that’s why I called ahead,” I remind him with a tone that suggests I deserve a medal and a parade.
“Ten minutes ago,” he shoots back as Mayzie hands him a mug and he thanks her with a kiss to her temple and a squeezeof her ass. Gross. She practically skips off in the direction of their sun deck as Jack takes a cautious sip of his black evil - er, coffee. “This better be good,” he warns after he swallows.
“I need love advice,” I tell him, cutting to the chase and he spits half his next sip back into his cup.
“Excuse me, what?” He looks up, his eyes a little more awake now.
“Yeah, some crazy shit has been happening,” I nod at his bewilderment. “And I’ve reached a point where I feel like I need to do… I don’t know, something. Like I need to keep it moving, or take some kind of steps. We all know Josh is a jerk-wad about this kind of thing, and Matt’s a newlywed, and I don’t want to disturb him boinking his wife, so that leaves you.”
“Hey,” he holds his mug out in my direction. “First of all, he married my sister, so don’t say disgusting shit like that. And second, what makes you think I’m not busy sticking it to my wife every chance I get?”
“William!” Mayzie’s voice shouts from the sundeck, and he huffs through his nose.
“Sorry sweetheart,” he calls over his shoulder before looking back to find me raising an eyebrow, the rest of my expression doing its best deadpan.
“William?”
“My middle name.” He shrugs, taking another sip.
“Oh my god, your wife middle names you when you mouth off -?”
“So what the hell kind of advice do you need?” He cuts me off. “Because I have so many questions.”
So do I, I think to myself. Like when can I get Rebecca to do that? The idea of her bossing me around and calling me Chris Tal sounds incredibly hot. “Dear lead singer of mine, your energetic, restless, playboy drummer is off the market.”
I dash over to the coffee pot for a refill. Oh, Mayzie left all the fixings out, God bless her.
When I look up from doctoring my second round, I find Jack staring at me, mouth slightly agape.
“Okay, I admit…” he begins. “I feel privileged to be the first to hear this groundbreaking news. Let’s go talk in my office.” He grabs his cup off the counter and heads for the stairs with me trailing behind.
“Okay, but can you put a shirt on? I’m feeling a little vulnerable.”
“You showed her your penis?!”
“You know me, I get carried away,” I wave a hand. “Things are going great. So great, I want to bring this up a level. But my mind-blowing first impression is only going to get us so far. I need to connect with her on a deeper level,” I lower my voice to my lowest bass tone with those last two words to demonstrate my point. “That’s where you come in,” I point a drumstick at him.
“This is the first time you’ve found yourself taken with anyone. Are you sure you’re not just caught up in the idea of it?”
“Solid point, but I’m sure!” I insist as I take a sip from the straw sticking out of Jack’s coffee carafe. “I love her, man!”
“Okay, calm your face a minute,” Jack blows out a breath as he straightens up and pulls open one of his desk drawers. “When did you know?”
“What do you mean?” I look up confused.
“When did you know you were in love with her?” He rephrases as he grabs a pen and slaps it on top of the notebook
“How the fuck should I know, it happened gradually!” I bark out, getting frustrated. I hate when people ask me to dig deep, or step outside the box and shit.