Page 59 of Hey Girl
Every nerve in my body is angrily vibrating, shaking all my limbs as I slam every window shut, followed by whipping the curtains shut.
Just a few more minutes…I coach myself.
Just get the house locked up, and your phone turned off. Secure the fortress, and then you can fall apart.
I rush around the house with tunnel vision, trying not to register a single thing other than locking the place up. I’ll need to tend to my pets at some point, but they’ve got enough food and water for a few hours. That should get me through this first wave.
Rushing to my bedroom, I’m sure to make sure the blackout curtains are sealed before turning my fan on full blast to help drown out the muted thuds against my front door that I’m only vaguely aware of to begin with. Because I won’t let myself acknowledge those sounds or who they’re most likely coming from. Self-preservation is key right now; survival.
Clumsily shucking my jeans, I don’t bother with losing any other clothing and pull back the covers, pulling them well overmy head. Curling up in a ball, I tuck them tightly around me as I try to fall into a meditative state, actively trying to dismiss the intrusive thoughts that try to poison me.
I can’t be with him. Look what being with him has done to me… it’s made my worst nightmare come to life. I’m naked under a microscope, completely exposed.
My brain sends urgent, misconstrued messages to my body, like telling it to be as small as possible; to make things dark. No one can see me if I’m small and in the dark… and if I don’t move or make a sound.
Hide and survive…
Hide and survive…
Chris
“Rebeccaaaaaah!”I hoarsely call through the door I’m still banging on twenty minutes later. “Let me in, I need waterrrrr! Or a BLAAAAAST!”
You’d think my sweet little mouse wouldn’t leave her devoted boyfriend out on her front porch to die of thirst. Which leads me to face facts. She’s hurting, and she’s hurting bad. She’s scared, and while I wish she’d let me in and let me help her through it, I can’t make her. What I can do is show her that I’m here for her and I’m not going anywhere until I know she’s okay.
Straightening my imaginary tie, I clear my throat and squat down to lift the mail slot so she can hopefully hear me better.
“Rebecca? Babe? If you don’t want to let me in that’s okay. Whatever you need to get through this, I’m here for you! But Iam not going anywhere! I will stay here all afternoon! All night! All week! Whatever it takes to make sure you’re okay. You want to go through this alone, but you will not be completely alone because I will be here!”
Twenty-one minutes later…
Oh my GOD, I’m going to die of boredom…
I lie on the wood planks of Rebecca’s porch, ready for the angel of agonizingly boring death to come get me. Birds chirp in the trees, and I swear they’re mocking me. I’ve played about fourteen rounds of Candy Crush, and my phone’s about to die. I need a charger. But I swore I wouldn’t leave…
Lightbulb!
I quickly tap out a text to Jack with the last remaining juice of my phone’s battery and pray. Two painful minutes later, he responds that he’ll over in half an hour with a charger for me.
Ugggghhhh… noooooooo… What the hell am I going to do for that long?
For the next twenty minutes, I count the cracks in the ceiling of the covered porch, do two hundred and twelve pushups, and sweep the place with the broom I find in the corner before giving up and sitting on the swing.
The gliding motion oddly seems to sooth me as I push myself back and forth with my foot. I find a lulling cadence as I think about Rebecca. How she makes me feel, how I want her to get through this and come back to me, how I really, really want her to let me in the house so that I can be the one to help her out of it… and maybe take a whiz.
Come back to me,
Just be with me,
I want you, just you,
Just to be with me
I don’t get much farther than that before I hear a rumble quickly approaching and look up to see Jack’s truck pulling up in the driveway.
Thank God!
I shoot up, leaving the bench swinging behind me as I run down the steps.