Page 115 of High Stakes
I stop the car outside her pretty little cottage, taking a moment to examine its beauty. The garden is overflowing with bright flowers, and I can almost picture Bella out there enjoying the fruits of her labour.
I take a deep breath before getting out the car. It feels good to stretch my legs after such a long journey but as Ilook around, I notice the neighbours staring at me with curiosity. It’s almost like they can sense I’m a stranger, and I wonder how Bella managed to fit herself in to such a tight community.
I get the gift bags from the back seat. Also retrieving the huge balloon that’s spent the entire journey bobbing up and down and driving me insane.
I head up the garden path, knocking gently on the door in case the baby is sleeping. I’m nervous, and I try to recall a time when I felt like this . . . there isn’t one.
The door swings open, taking me by surprise as I watch Bella’s retreating form. She didn’t even look up to see me.
“Why are you knocking?” she asks. “Thank God you’re here. I need a shower, and I can’t put him down because he screams. I stink of milk and baby sick,” she’s saying as she walks away. I step inside, quickly glancing around outside before gently closing the door and placing my gifts down. I drop the latch, just to avoid any interruptions from whoever she was expecting, and then I follow her. “I am so tired; please tell me you’re staying over tonight.”
I ignore the sting to my heart at the thought of someone else spending the night here with my newborn. I clear my throat, “I was hoping to, if there’s room.” Her head whips round to look at me and I offer a little smile. “It was a long journey.”
“Aiden,” she whispers, her eyes wide with shock.
“Sorry, I should have announced it was me, but you seemed so harassed . . .” I trail off, my eyes falling to the bundle wrapped in blankets as she gently rocks side to side.
She stops swaying. “What are you doing here?”
I nod at the bundle. “I saw a picture,” I reply. “He has my eyes.”
“Most babies are born with blue eyes,” she mutters.
“I couldn’t stay away, Bella. I’m sorry. I tried,” I tell her, shrugging. “Just, knowing he’s here is different. He’s real now.”
“Yeah, it does hit different seeing him,” she whispers, her lip lifting slightly in a smile. She takes a step closer, then pauses, her expression hesitant. “I can’t stop you seeing him, I wouldn’t because I want what’s best for him. But understand this, you can’t abandon him,” she says, her voice breaking slightly. “If you meet him and you hold him, you can’t then just leave and pretend he’s not here.”
I’m already shaking my head before her sentence is finished. “I wouldn’t ever . . . I won’t. I swear.”
“Because I can’t watch you leave him, Aiden. It would hurt too much. I can’t have you coming and going from his life and making him feel like he’s not enough for you.” A tear slips from her eye and guilt floods me. “So, if I letyou meet him properly, you have to promise to be a dad to him.”
“I promise.”
“I know he won’t remember this, but I will, and my heart can’t take anymore crap from you, not when it comes to my son.”
“Our son,” I correct, closing the gap between us.
We both look down at the bundle and a gasp escapes me. He’s asleep, snuggled in against Bella, looking peaceful. “He’s perfect,” I whisper, carefully moving the blanket further from his face. “Absolutely gorgeous.”
“Isn’t he?” she says quietly, “I just . . . I haven’t ever felt anything like it. The love . . . it’s just so overwhelming.” She let’s out a happy sigh and brings her eyes to mine. “Would you like to hold him?” I nod, unable to speak through the emotion that’s currently lodged in my throat. “Have you held a baby before?” she asks and I shake my head, giving a nervous laugh. “Maybe sit down?” she suggests, nodding to the couch.
I lower, getting comfortable. She places the baby in my arms, and I hold my breath, terrified that I might wake him, and he’ll scream, and I’ll have to hand him back. Bella smiles, brushing a hand over his tiny head. “Breathe, Aiden,” she whispers. “He won’t break.”
“He’s so small,” I remark, staring in wonderment. I raise him slightly, inhaling the mix of baby and Bella. I close my eyes, it’s the best scent in the world.
“Do you want to know his name?”
My eyes open and she’s still smiling. I hadn’t even thought about his name or what she might have chosen so I nod, bracing myself in case I hate it. “Braiden Jake,” she says, another tear slipping down her cheek. “I’ve spelt Braiden to include your name,” she adds, swiping the tear away. “I wanted him to have a piece of you even though he wouldn’t know you.”
I was certain I couldn’t feel any happier in this moment, until those words left her mouth. My own eyes glisten as I stare down at my son. “Braiden Jake,” I repeat, a smile forming, “It’s perfect.” I raise my head, meeting her eye. “After everything I did to you, I didn’t deserve you to be so kind and thoughtful.” Shame washes over me. “You’re amazing, do you know that?”
“We both made mistakes,” she says, “We both did things we regret.”
“I don’t even know where to start making it right,” I admit.
She places a hand on my knee, gently squeezing. “Just being here for him is a great start.” She inhales, releasing it slowly, “You have no idea how badly I wanted to call youto tell you about him. I hated that you were missing out on him.”
“I was stupid to ever think I could exist in this world without being in his life.”