Page 70 of Reckless Woman
His eyes are closing. Gently pushing him away, he’s fast asleep as soon as the back of his head hits the mattress.
I lie there, watching the rise and fall of his chest—pressing pause on a beat of calm after a symphony of madness. I never had an image in my head of the man I’d marry when I was older. I wasn’t one of those girls in high school who doodled dreams and imaginary surnames. I was too busy dealing with the emotional fall-out of my mother’s illness. I just hoped he’d be generous with his love, and that he’d wrap his arms around me at the end of the day and tell me everything would be okay.
“She’s cute,” he murmurs suddenly, his eyes still shut.
“You’re a brave man mentioning other women in your sleep,” I warn, cupping his semi and squeezing.
His lips quirk. “I meant the kid. She looks a bit like Caleb did.”
“Was that your son?” I say hesitantly.
“Yes. Turn over.”
I do as he says, my heart pounding. He pulls me into his hard embrace, holding me hostage in the best possible way, and we lie as still as sleeping lions.
“I don’t talk about him because he belongs to a man I left behind,” he says eventually, warming the nape of my neck with his secret. “He was a man who took his pain and turned it into something dark and dirty. My son’s memory is safe in the past where I can’t stain it with the murderer I’ve become.”
“You’re still allowed to grieve for him, Joseph,” I whisper, sliding my hand over his. “The same way you’re allowed to grieve for everyone you’ve ever lost. You kill bad men. That doesn’t mean you have to kill all your memories, too.”
“It’s a bad man’s penance.”
“Stop giving that title so much power. You’re so much more.”
There’s a long pause. “I don’t want any more kids, Anna.”
I flinch, as if struck. “You can’t—”
“I know what you said on the beach, but I can’t give that part of myself to you. I learned my lesson with Caleb. My bloodline is fucking cursed, so it ends with me.”
“Joseph—”
“I’m done talking about this.”
“Just tell me why you think it’s cursed?”
“Enough.” He rolls away and rises from the bed.
“So that’s it?” I sit up in disbelief. “That’s the only explanation I’m getting?”
“I made you whole—”
“And then you punched this decision right through the heart of me!”
It’s the brutal conclusiveness of his words that spur my tears of frustration. It’s the goddamn unfairness of it all. My emotions will always be front and center, while his are back behind that wall again, no matter what he said to me in Florida. He made this choice, and there’s no coming back from it.
“You said you needed the truth from me, Anna.” He’s standing at the foot of the bed, running his hand through his hair in frustration. “Well, here it is. You knew from the start I was flawed and every shade of fucked-up.”
“You say it like I had a choice!” I shout back. “You wanted me. You claimed me. It was a watertight contract, but you forgot to mention the clauses!” I swipe at my tears angrily, overwhelmed by an urge to hurt him as much as he’s hurting me. “I hate that you keep me at arm’s length, like you do everyone else. You drop clues, but they never lead anyway, and I’m so over it, Joseph.”
“Good to know,” he says coldly, heading for the door. “Thank fuck we never made this shit legal.”
Chapter Nineteen
Joseph
It’s been twenty-four hours since I lost her.
Physically, she’s still present. She still smiles when someone talks to her. She still passes the fucking butter across the table when someone asks her to. But I know her,and I know what I’ve done. I was so focused on fixing her past, that I failed to pay attention to the Happily Ever After.