Page 79 of Reckless Woman

But, in time, I would realize that they all had their part to play.

First, came the mask of sadness. I wore this in the privacy of my apartment that morning, like I had on every other morning that week. Six days had passed since Joseph issued his ultimatum, and I was counting down the hours until I was forced to make the most difficult decision of my life.

I was thinking about my parents. I was wondering if losing them was what made me crave my own family so much. My dad skipped town when I was four months old. My mother died in my arms when I was sixteen. With no siblings to share the whole orphan burden thing with, I’d been lonely for most of my life until a tall Texan with dark secrets came to claim me.

The next mask I wore was indifference. This was for the heat of the Miami streets as I left my apartment to run a couple of errands. It was closely followed byfrustration when I saw the three men standing by the black armored SUV in front of my block. I’d hoped I’d have a free pass on my last day before returning to the island.Stupid me.I may have been a free bird, but I still had a long metal chain attached to me.

Then there was thehonest one, the surprised one—the genuinely relieved one—as my husband exited the coffee shop across the street holding two takeaway skinny lattes, because he knows I never drink anything else. I wasn’t expecting him until later, but that rush of emotion I felt cemented my decision. I didn’t want to be split from my shadow anymore. Whatever difficulties lay ahead, I wanted us to be weathering the shit storms together.

Time would heal him.

Time would change his mind.

Hope is a bird with wings too, but she never has any chains to bind her.

Finally, there are the two masks he wore that day.

The first was the cool and the apathetic.The usual. It slid into place the minute he saw me standing there on the sidewalk in my favorite cut-off denim shorts, frayed blue espadrilles and an old shirt of his that I’d knotted at my waist. I saw the curve of his lips, and in that moment—the best moment of all between us so far—I knew that everything was going to be okay.Wewere going to be okay.

Then there was the mask that shattered when the first bullet hit me.

There were four in total, each one ripping another piece of it away, until I saw inside him for the first time. I saw everything—raw and exposed and bleeding…I saw the amount of pain he tried to hide from me. In a way it hurt me more than my own pain, and as I lay there, dying in his arms, the only thing I wanted was to make it go away.

* * *

“Don’tyou die on me, Anna Grayson. Don’t you fucking dare! Do you hear me?”

Why is my body so cold? It’s eighty-five degrees in South Beach today.

“Where’s that fucking ambulance, Reece?”

I’m slipping.

Sinking.

I remember the first time I saw him.

Red dress.

Understanding.

A shadow can’t exist without his moonshine.

Moonshine can’t exist without her shadow.

“Eyes on me, baby. Don’t look away. Never look away. Tell Cash to go fuck himself. You’re my twister, not his!”

We spin for each other, Joseph. Right out of our respective hells and into each other’s lives.

“Jesus Christ, I’m losing her. I’m fucking losing her!”

You’ll never lose me.

Finders keepers.

I’m yours forever.

Darkness.