Page 106 of Stolen Dreams

I tell her about the dinner dates with Ray and Tucker. The cooking lessons that were infinitely better than any of Ray’s online videos. Spending more time with Ray and Tucker—at the restaurant during cooking school, but more often outside of thattime. Dinner with Adriel and my parents, and how jealous and angry Ray was at seeing us.

And the sex… I all but melt as I tell her Ray has ruined me for other men.

Then I change topics, my expression and mood more solemn. I tell her about the past couple of weeks and the panic Tucker’s mother provoked. A visit and the note that tilted Ray and Tucker’s world sideways.

All I wanted was to level it out a little. Give them a touch of levity. Let them ignore their troubles for a few hours.

My eyes sting again as I say leaving the house today was my idea. My nose burns when I tell Clarissa how perfect our lunch date was at the diner. How Ray’s dad came to the table and talked with us. Hownormalit felt to be with Ray and Tucker, out in the open. When I share Tucker’s excitement over beating his dad at bowling, my throat starts to close.

I admit how my heart plummeted when we couldn’t find Tucker. How my insides shriveled when Ray yelled and spit the blame in my face. How my chest hollowed when Ray gave me his back, so angry and terrified. And how empty I’ve felt since Ray got in his car with his sister and drove away.

Painful as it is, I will find a way to accept his never wanting to see me again after this. If it’s what he truly wants, I will let him go. Even if my heart disagrees, refuses.

A throbbing ache settles in my chest, and I press the heel of my palm to my breastbone. The thought of never seeing Ray or Tucker again…

One dreadful pang, one hollow notion, is all it takes for the subconscious truth to surface.

I love Ray and Tucker.

I amin lovewith Ray.

“What do I do?” I cover my face with my hands. “I messed up.”

“No, Kaya.”

My hands fall to my lap as I twist to look at her. My brows pinch together. “What?”

“I said no.”

I open my mouth to ask what she means, but she holds up a hand and cuts me off.

“You willnotshoulder the blame.” She vehemently shakes her head. “You willnottake responsibility for some asshole’s actions.” She crosses her arms over her chest. “No, Kaya. Hell no.”

“But—”

“No,” she says louder then softens her expression. “You’re allowed to live, Kaya. Ray and Tucker, too.” She takes my hands in hers and gives them a gentle squeeze. “Our time on this messed-up planet isn’t long. We can’t predict what will happen today, tomorrow, or next week. All we can do is live in the present. Enjoy life. Go out in the world and be happy. If we crawled in our caves every time something bad happened, we’d never come out.”

Clarissa’s right. Pausing life because someone elsemightdo something isn’t living; it’s existing in a constant state of fear.

I’d rather live a short life and die happy than live a long life and be miserable.

But how do I get Ray to see that perspective?

“You’re ri?—”

My phone rings in my lap, Ray’s name on the screen. I fumble to pick it up, and with a shaky hand, I answer.

“Ray?”

“Hey, Fire Eyes.”

God, he sounds exhausted. Wait. He called me Fire Eyes. Does this mean he’s no longer mad at me?

“Sorry I was an asshole earlier. I didn’t mean what I said.”

The backs of my eyes sting for the umpteenth time today. “Thank you.”

He has no idea how much I needed to hear his apology. And once everything is back to normal, I intend to make him grovel. A lot.