Page 66 of Relentless Sinner
Every time I think about him and what we did conflict enters my heart, ravaging my insides like a storm.
Then there’s also his promise of finishing what we started the next time he sees me. That’stonight.
I’m already nervous about going to an engagement party I don’t want to attend and meeting Jaxon’s family. Add in the fact that Dad will also be there and I’m a bag of nerves.
I’m seeing Cora at lunchtime. What the hell am I going to tell her?
She’s expecting me to be the devastated damsel in distress trying to escape the monster who captured her.
I’m not sleeping with the enemy. I can’t even explain myself by saying that we weren’t together for long because we got interrupted. I know myself.
The interruption means nothing. I wanted Jaxon as badly as I needed air to breathe. I would have lain there on that bed and taken everything he gave me like an obedient servant.
That’s what would have happened.
This morning when I woke I thought about everything as I watched the sun rise. As it came up and chased the darkness away with its light I narrowed down the things that were tormenting me, then I stripped them apart layer by layer to get to the heart of my problem.
The answer I found was this—I want to escape this marriage and my feelings for Jaxon because I don’t want to end up with a man like my father.
A man who’s probably worse than him. Although the part that gets me is all the ways he’s not like my father. And that he hasn’t been bad to me.
I don’t know how to wrap my head around my actions yesterday, but I do know that I can’t stay with him.
Regardless of what I feel the truth is, being with Jaxon equals danger.
That’s one thing about my mother I don’t want to follow. I don’t want to be in love with a man who could get me killed.
People said the men who massacred my mother and other members of my family on that night were linked to my father. I believe them.
I think it was true. That’s why he changed so much and turned into a monster. I think he blamed himself and still does.
“Gabriella!” Someone calls my name.
I look around and find Julie waving at me. She’s one of the nurses in charge who supervises me when I’m on admin duties.
I wave back at her, truly happy to see her.
She looks like her usual trendy self with her auburn hair pulled into a messy bun on top of her head and her eyes gleaming behind the thick black frames of her glasses.
She rushes toward me, meeting me halfway, and pulls me into a hug. “Oh my God. It's so good to see you, girl.”
“It’s great to see you, too.”
“I thought you’d be in L.A. for med school. Are you on a break already?”
We pull apart and she studies my face with that warmth and concern I’ve always appreciated about her.
“Not really. I’ve had to delay my start date again, so I’ll be around for a while,” I explain, thinking it best not to say too much and keep things vague. “I’m hoping I can get everything sorted out to start next year.”
“Oh no. I’m sorry to hear that. At least we get to have you a little longer.” Another warm smile brightens her face.
“Yeah. At least.”
“Well you were definitely missed.” She clasps her hands and beams at me. “There were some crazy jokes going around that you would have appreciated.”
“I wish I could have been here. What else did I miss?”
She sighs and shakes her head. “Dr. Collins is still insufferable. Charlie, the new intern, is still being worshiped like a god, and Mrs. Hamilton set the fire alarms off twice.”